The Worst Things to Do After a Breakup!
Are you going through a breakup, and perhaps are desperate for guidance, support, and some good solid advice?
Well in this content, I will be revealing the very WORST things you can do after a breakup, and this is stuff I really wish I knew when I became newly single just like yourself!
Typically, those who reach out to me on this topic can and will be on the receiving end of their partner breaking up with them.
They will email and message me with the following:
“My partner has left me this morning; it’s come as such a shock!”
“I cannot believe it is over, they left me for somebody else!”
“I never saw it coming, I was looking to propose and they broke up!”
“We had a vacation planned, and now they want to be single without me!”
Whether you never saw it coming, or deep down inside knew that something wasn’t right the reality is they broke up with you…
They Broke Up
Breakups are so absolutely gut wrenching, even if you were in a relationship, where you never got on, argued a lot, were a bad match to begin with.
And being on the receiving end, of that partner informing you that it’s over and they don’t wish to be in a relationship any longer is the worse.
I got dumped a few years back, which turned into a massive blessing for me in the long run, however at the time I was really upset and hurt.
She was very ruthless and cold in her manner when doing so, in fact she smiled as she broke up with me on a video call!
She said with a grin “I am sticking to my decision, and I want us to separate!”
It crushed me at the time, but we were just not right for one another, and the relationship was never ever going to work out.
So, I thank her for breaking up with me, in hindsight of course.
But that late summer I was miserable, I was devastated, because I had to without really wanting to at all be single once more.
I thought I found my person; I thought I was happy, but it was not the case.
So, I know, even though it was years ago now, and many other times in my past what you are going through.
How it feels like you have been hit by a bus.
Or shot in the heart, the stomach repeatedly.
Where you feel completely numb, and emotionless.
When that partner, you knew and trusted, and loved, decided to break up with you out of the blue….
You Broke Up with Them!
The alternative scenario here is where you decided to break up with your partner and end the relationship.
Now surely YOU saw this one coming!
I remember being in a toxic miserable relationship with a narcissist in the past, and for many years I wanted to make it work with them and did everything I could.
Then the final year together, I had enough, I was fresh out of ideas and perspectives, I just could not seem to make it work.
Therefore, I knew weeks in advance that deep inside my heart and soul, the only thing I could do was get out.
I didn’t know how, and secretly I begged and pleaded she would leave me and end the relationship – but sadly she never did.
Which meant it was all on me, yours truly had to be the one to break things off.
The relationship had died many times when we together, with the secrets she kept from me which came out in the end.
From her weird mindsets, her entitled behaviour, and the many, many times she hurt me, embarrassed me, and humiliated me too.
Then one fateful day, which turned out to be the last time we were physically in the same room, she created another argument out of the blue, and I was not having any of it.
She left the house, and me to reflect for the next few days that the relationship must end.
I completely walked away the following week, told her so, insisted it was over, and that was that, I broke up with a narcissist and ended the relationship.
Despite it being my choice…
Despite it being so toxic…
Despite being so happy…
Despite seeing it coming…
I was still extremely surprised to experience and notice that I was mentally and physically drained, and that it was going to take many long months to heal and recover.
Because I had endured so much fighting and arguments, drama, stress, and anxiety from my toxic relationship.
My breakup had zero closure too, which is often the case when dating a toxic person.
And also, afterwards I certainly made mistakes…A lot of mistakes…
Things I look back on and simply cannot believe I did!
Before I reveal the worst things to do after a breakup, let me next reveal the final breakup scenario, where both partners mutually decided to end the relationship…
The Mutual Breakup
This is where you and your partner sit down for a serious talk, and mutually come to the agreement that it is best you both breakup and part ways.
Perhaps you grew apart, and you have both found that you have developed different interests, passions, hobbies, and personalities overtime.
Shifts in personal or professional priorities can lead to conflicts or differences in what each person wants from the relationship.
Lingering conflicts or unresolved issues that persist despite efforts to address them can strain the relationship and make both parties feel it’s best to part ways.
Major life events such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or pursuing further education can create stress and strain on the relationship, prompting a mutual decision to end it.
Trust is essential in any relationship, and if it’s broken due to infidelity, dishonesty, or betrayal, both individuals may feel it’s best to end the relationship mutually.
You both saw this one coming from a mile away, you both knew deep down in your hearts with a logical and rational approach, that truthfully it was never going to work out between you together.
Hence why you both have parted ways, but of course there can be and will still be lingering pain, suffering, healing, and recovery.
The ultimate point here is that no matter how you broke up, why you broke up, or who broke up with who, this is all still an extremely difficult, life-altering experience.
Confront Your Reality
Before I reveal the worst things, you can do after a breakup from your relationship, I want to make it important for you to recognize that you must confront your reality.
For instance, when my father tragically died years ago, despite my best efforts to avoid the reality, distract myself, and make my mind not focus on the loss, grief still hit.
My father was dead.
My life had changed.
I was grieving his loss.
Therefore, just like grief and tragedy, you must face the reality that you are going through a breakup whether you like it or not.
We have all been there at one stage of our lives for different reasons, at different times and so on, therefore we must accept it.
Because ignoring your truth and reality, makes you run the serious risk of making the following mistakes repeatedly, and ultimately your predicament so much worse.
You don’t want to do that…
Please avoid doing that…
Here are the worst things to do after a breakup….
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#1 – The Worst Things to Do After a Breakup (Part One)
The following are a list of the worst things to do after a breakup….
Stalking or Harassing Your Ex!
Continuously calling, texting, or showing up uninvited can be considered harassment and can worsen the situation for both parties.
But what is more in every scenario it rarely works to anybody’s benefit and can really cause more harm in moving on overall.
For example, let us say you got broken up with by your partner for whatever reason.
And perhaps in the raw days, you have decided that the only way to win them back, get them to listen to you etc, is for YOU to stalk them.
It begins on social media, where you might create another account, or worse get mutual friends or family to stalk their profiles for you, and continuously send you updates.
Then there are the drunk calls, and texts in the middle of the night typically, aka “I cannot live without you… I need you back…. Please give me another chance!”
Then come the random walk or drive by of where they live or worse just where they happen to work, so you can potentially and hopefully catch a glimpse of your now ex-partner.
And if that doesn’t work, then you start digging into your wallet and sending lavish, over the top gifts like flowers, cards, chocolates…
By that stage your entire life is completely dependent on some form of interaction, communication, or random “bumping into” with your now ex-partner.
If you honestly think first, that any or all the above is going to make your ex-partner reconsider their decision to dump you, well you are very much mistaken.
It is going to only reinforce them that they made the right decision.
It is going to only keep them as far away from you as possible.
It is going to only push them further to being single and moving on.
Speaking of moving on, that is exactly what YOU need to be focusing on rather than stalking your ex the way you are!
Now let us say you broke up with your partner for whatever reason.
If so, why are you stalking or worse harassing your ex at all?
You wanted out and to be rid of them remember?
You wanted to walk away and not date them anymore remember?
You wanted to be single and not have to be in a serious relationship anymore, right?
The only logical reason I can imagine you stalk them online every now and again is out of pure curiosity of what they are up to, who they are seeing now etc.
But anything further than that such as calls, texts, gifts, and driving by their home in the hopes of bumping into them…
Is disturbing and NOT healthy…
Obsessing Over Social Media
Constantly checking your ex’s social media profiles, stalking their posts, or posting things to make them jealous is unhealthy and prevents you from moving on.
Social media is the greatest and worst thing to ever happen to a generation especially when it comes to breakups and moving on.
Now for example, a narcissistic partner may be on the receiving end of a breakup, aka she blew the relationship by being rude, entitled, spoilt and disrespectful.
But give it a bit of time and she will put heavily filtered pictures of herself online where an army of follower’s aka minions bow to her every post.
Writing comments such as the following:
“OMG YOU ARE STUNNING!”
“You are a Queen; you don’t need no man!”
“You are the BEST ever, love you!”
“You are incredible!”
This only inflates their narcissistic ego even more, and therefore they use their platforms and profiles to gaslight their exes to believe they are happier when they are not.
I saw this once with a narcissistic ex I once dated myself, where she would blast all over social media how amazing her life was since we broke up, how happy she was, how things were exciting for her etc.
Only to then find that she was devastated to have lost the relationship, resulting in her (because I blocked her on everywhere) sending me countless emails telling me how she wanted me back and was sorry for how she acted.
The point I am trying to make here, and especially if your ex was toxic and you walked away, that obsessing over her social media, whether they can or cannot see you is adding fuel to the fire.
A narcissist especially will THRIVE on that supply!
Aka the attention you are giving them despite breaking up!
And perhaps you broke up mutually, or maybe they dumped you, again social media stalking is no different to standing outside a person’s house and watching them from the bushes at night with binoculars.
Ask yourself what is the point in obsessing over their social media?
What is the point in obsessing over YOUR social media to get THEIR attention?
Why do these people STILL matter despite the relationship ending?
What do you genuinely care?
Curiosity is one thing, but even so, why are you curious what your ex-partner is up to?
Next, I will reveal part two of the worst things to do after a breakup…
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#2 – The Worst Things to Do After a Breakup (Part Two)
The following are a list of more of the worst things to do after a breakup….
Isolating Yourself
While it is normal to need some time alone after a breakup, isolating yourself completely from friends and family can lead to depression and make it harder to heal.
Time is a healer; I certainly get that.
But isolation is a painful and difficult thing to endure and go through when dealing with any type of grief or loss, and trust me I know…
In late 2019, I walked away from a toxic relationship, and I spent a great deal of time on my own in my healing and recovery.
I truthfully hardly saw friends and family.
I hardly socialised at all.
I really isolated myself to try and focus on getting my energy back after it being completely drained in that prior relationship.
Then in early 2020, I started slowly and surely coming out of my shell again, with the intention to date once more, and see friends and even family.
I will never forget going out for dinner with my parents, and then going out on the town with friends to a bar where we drank, danced and had so much fun.
I loved it, I craved it, I missed it.
There and then I was ready to start approaching dating with more positivity, more energy, more excitement – finally felt after months of isolation that it was time to turn things around…
Until…
In March 2020, the pandemic started, forcing us in the UK into a lockdown, and just around the same time my father got very sick and very quickly.
Weeks later he died in hospital alone.
Absolutely devastated by his tragic death, and not to mention rather terrified at the time at what was going on in the world, I isolated alone once more.
This time grieving the loss of my father, in the harshest, cruellest, most tragic manner.
I spent well over a year from my breakup, to the loss of my father and the lockdowns etc in complete isolation.
I worked alone.
Lived alone.
Ate alone.
I hardly if ever rarely socialised at all.
Please don’t make my mistake and get outside and talk to people, because the effect it has had on my mental health years later has been extremely damning.
Suppressing Your Emotions
It’s important to allow yourself to feel the range of emotions that come with a breakup, including sadness, anger, and grief.
Ignoring or suppressing these feelings can prolong the healing process.
I’ve seen people supress their emotions for years on end, almost like they are robots, until slowly and surely, one way or another they crack.
They could be in line at a grocery store checkout that is taking too long…
They can be stuck in heavy traffic on their way to an important meeting…
They can accidentally break a glass or plate by dropping it on the floor…
And what might seem very trivial and not serious pushes them over the edge, into almost a complete emotional breakdown!
These people are not crying about a slow checkout clerk, nor the traffic on the road, they are crying about their relationship ending, their loss, their grief.
I even saw it with the passing of my father recently, and on his funeral day I was stoic, numb, trying desperately not to shed a tear.
Then four years later, when I went to go attend a meeting at a place that reminded me of him, I burst out crying like a little baby.
That is sadness.
That is grief.
That is anger.
That is pain.
That is hurt.
A breakup just like a tragic death of a loved one is all about healing, and resetting your life entirely now.
The past is now the past, whether you broke up with them, or vice versa, or whether it was mutual too, it’s irrelevant.
And it is totally normal, healthy and in my opinion rather necessary to acknowledge your feelings, to express them, and let them out.
For example, when I think of my father, and I am hurting I no longer choose to supress my emotions any longer.
I talk about him, keep his memory alive and describe the emotions attached to it:
“I miss him…I need him….I love him…”
It’s normal and healthy right after your breakup to feel this way about an ex too, for goodness’ sake it’s still raw!
Please, do not supress your emotions, it will only backfire on you…
And studies show that actually it can have physical side effects too!
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#3 – The Worst Things to Do After a Breakup (Part Three)
Here are more terrible awful things people unfortunately do right after a breakup…
Revenge
Seeking revenge or trying to hurt your ex in any way, whether emotionally or physically, is not only harmful to them but also to yourself.
It once again only prolongs the pain and prevents healing.
We can be very spiteful sometimes, especially when we are on the receiving end of what we perceive to be an unfair and unjust breakup.
For example, let’s say we come home to our partners to find they no longer love us anymore, no longer find us attractive, and no longer want to be with us at all.
We beg and plead with them to stay, but they walk away almost with a smile on their face relieved to be apart from you.
Well, now what?
As you cry yourself to sleep, and try to make sense of a very complex and often illogical scenario, you think to yourself the following thoughts:
“I’ll move on straight away to show I am over them!”
“I will bombard them with abusive messages daily!”
“I will show them how much I hate them on social media!”
“I will pull pranks on them and do nasty things to have my revenge!”
When I was last harshly and brutally broken up with, I thought the best revenge and the easiest revenge too was just moving on.
I signed up to dating apps the very next day, ready to move on.
She had no desire to meet, to talk, to try and see if we can work things out, so I thought I’d just find a new girlfriend.
That was a very bad idea, the breakup was still so raw, it still stung in my heart, and clearly, I was not ready to just dive into dating all over again.
It took me one year after that harsh breakup to not only move on, but find the love of my life and most beautiful relationship.
So, it was worth it in the end for me that I was dumped.
But I should never have even thought about seeking revenge, which is spiteful, toxic, and just never works.
The best revenge is massive success, and to successfully move on in this context, and in a healthy manner.
That’s what you need to do.
At your own pace, it’s not a race or a competition.
Try and wish your ex well internally, even if they ripped your heart out of your chest and stomped on it continuously.
Jumping into a Rebound Relationship
Using someone else as a rebound to mask the pain of a breakup rarely ends well.
It’s important to take time to heal and process your emotions before getting into a new relationship.
I touched on this already in the previous point, where people on the receiving end of a heartbreak and relationship abruptly ending, really think it’s wise to just jump into the next person they can find.
Well, it’s not right, it’s not healthy, and it rarely if ever works.
A breakup is an intense emotional experience, where you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster, and one moment you are euphoric, you feel like you are almost invincible…
Only for you, then when you least expect it to come crashing back down to earth at extreme speed, where you might emotionally spiral, say things you never meant to in emotional bursts of rage, pain, and frustration…
Only for you the next day to be back on cloud nine, then down again, and so the cycle continues and continues…
A breakup is also so intense physically too, especially if you have moved in with one another and even bought a place together….
Suddenly you are moving out and living alone once more, sharing a bed alone, but now all the bills are to be paid by you alone…
Or maybe you are jumping from home to home, bed to bed, sofa to sofa, as you stay with friends and or family in a desperate attempt to try get back on your feet.
How can you with all that emotional and physical intensity you have the time, energy, peace, and confidence to have a brand-new relationship?
How can you say you are ready to date again when you still cry uncontrollably over the loss of your relationship?
How can you say you are ready to date again when you feel unstable with your intense swings of emotions?
How can you say you are ready to date again when you don’t have a stable residence and are constantly moving about?
How can you say you are ready to date again when it’s only been a matter of weeks?
You may THINK jumping into a rebound relationship aka moving on fast is a great thing to do after a breakup logically…
But the more logical and sensible approach is to take your time.
Do the work on yourself.
Relax, heal, and recover.
Take time to enjoy your own company.
The right relationship will come by approaching it that way and in that manner…
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#4 – The Worst Things to Do After a Breakup (Part Four)
Here are the final very WORST things you can do after going through a breakup!
Dwelling on What Could Have Been
Constantly replaying scenarios in your head or fantasizing about getting back together prevents you from moving forward and accepting the reality of the situation.
We all have far more vivid imaginations that we give ourselves credit for.
What often happens at the initial stages of a breakup, most likely with the very first few weeks and months, is people will start to paint scenarios in their heads…
I recall when I had a breakup with a toxic partner and relationship, the following scenarios that went through my head:
“What if I had acted and reacted differently when provoked?”
“What if I had treated them like a princess and spoilt them to make them happy?”
“What if I just had been calmer, more collected, more compromising?”
“What if they were never that bad at all, and I was the problem?”
“What if nobody ever loves me again or gives me another chance at a relationship?”
“What if they were my person, and I was the one that screwed everything up?”
Such elaborate, exaggerative and over the top thinking can seriously lead to people making potentially the biggest mistakes of their lives!
When I was dating that toxic partner in the past, I walked away twice, and the first time I did so, I dwelled.
I had all those thoughts running through my head, and so many more.
I painted countless scenarios in my head of what might have been, what might’ve changed.
I assumed and believed that somehow and someway things would work between us.
Unsurprisingly, she hoovered me back in and with those thoughts, and all that dwelling, I returned for round two of the worse relationship ever.
Things only got much worse between us both.
We were never a good match to begin with.
I was severely unhappy and just so miserable.
I wasted so many precious years I will never get back.
There are times where it is good to reflect instead of dwell, as to see where you went wrong, how you should have conducted yourself etc.
But to live permanently in your imagination, aka in a fantasy world, is dangerous.
The reality is, it just never worked out between you and your ex-partner.
The sooner you accept that, the sooner you stop dwelling, and stop painting internal scenarios that offer little to no advantage to your situation at all…
Seeking Closure from Your Ex
Continuously seeking closure from your ex or trying to get them to explain their reasons for the breakup can keep you stuck in a cycle of pain and uncertainty.
Closure often comes from within, rather than from external sources.
In 2019 I walked away from a toxic relationship where we never properly said goodbye, and I just had to cut ties and be rid of her forever.
There was obviously no closure, and there rarely ever is with toxic and difficult people, who will only gaslight and manipulate you to get back together again.
Whilst it was so challenging not ever having that closure, I got through it, I stayed strong, I moved on, and my life has dramatically improved.
In 2020 my father tragically died alone in hospital during the pandemic when we were all locked down alone.
I couldn’t say goodbye to my father who I loved and adored, again there was obviously no closure, and it was a tragic and awful time.
Whilst it was once again so unbelievably challenging not ever having that closure at all, I still managed to somehow get through it.
In the space of six months to lose a toxic relationship and my father with no closure whatsoever, just emphasises this point even more:
Seek the closure within.
For me my father may be physically gone, but he still lives within me, he is in my head and heart, and when I need to, I speak to him internally, and know he is there for me.
As for the toxic ex-partner, if I had called them up and insisted, we meet up to talk face to face and wish each other goodbye etc, it would never happen!
They would cause a scene in public.
They would lack the empathy to understand the conversation.
They would be extremely immature.
They would be nasty and rude.
It would be like I was still dating them despite us being broken up, where I would be banging my head against a brick wall, desperately pleading for them to listen.
Create your own closure.
For instance, write a no-send letter and then tear it up, burn it, or bury it.
Go somewhere peaceful and tranquil alone with your thoughts as you ponder and reflect on the past and let it go.
Say goodbye to it, to them, and wish them well.
Closure whether it be a death or a breakup starts and always ends within us, in our minds, hearts and our souls too.
Let it all go…
#5 – Conclusion
In conclusion, as I have got older, the best way to view a breakup is to create something new.
After my father passed away, despite being terribly grief-stricken, my younger brother moved in with his partner, then got engaged, and eventually got married.
As painful as it was for him to do all of those things without our father, he insisted it was what he would have wanted, for us to create something new with him in spirit.
Grief and breakups as I have always mentioned in my content are synonymous with one another, and it really is about creating something new.
It is not about creating something new with something old aka your ex.
It is not about creating something new with a new approach with an old ex.
It is not about creating something new with a new angle, new perspective with an old ex.
It is about learning about yourself, avoiding the errors and mistakes I have highlighted here, and looking forward to something and somebody new.
I found that somebody and something new, and I cherish it and am so grateful for it every single day…
Take my advice, create something new…
