Has your man just dumped you without warning?
Watch the video above to find out the right way to make him miss you!
Has your man just dumped you without warning?
Watch the video above to find out the right way to make him miss you!
Would it surprise you that being in love has the same biological effects as being addicted to cocaine?!
Watch the video above to find out more amazing facts about love!
“Silence is golden.”
The easiest and most effective manner to deal with any toxic individual is to go no contact.
Speaking from many years of personal experiences mostly bad with toxic people and narcissists you need to understand one fundamental thing;
YOU WON’T WIN.
That’s it, you won’t beat them at their own game.
You won’t win an argument.
You won’t win them over with logic.
You won’t ever convince them to be good.
You are fighting a losing battle, and because of that why even take part?
Never argue with a fool, because from a distance you cannot tell who is who.
This is the same with these people, and you must do what their parents never did;
Instil discipline and proper boundaries.
Toxic people do not care about you, they do not really love you, and they always inevitably bring a wave of destruction and chaos into your life.
If you are not careful and you allow the mind games to begin, the toxicity and poison will spread.
There are so many things they bring into your life without you knowing;
Think back to a spoilt brat that was never told no.
They have it in their minds as they become adults that they can literally get away with murder.
So what happens?
They become entitled, rude and toxic individuals.
All because mom and dad bought them whatever they wanted the second they started to throw a tantrum.
So they honestly believe for some weird reason the world owes them something.
Hence why they are entitled.
If you happen to unfortunately be in a romantic relationship with a toxic or narcissistic person it is the same story.
You tread on eggshells, most likely get cheated on, abused, manipulated and so much more.
Is it worth it?
What can you do about it?
Well, let me try go into more detail here.
You may be the smartest, wisest and calmest individual person in the world.
But if you allow a toxic person to be in your personal life, what is going to happen?
You are drinking from the poison chalice, and suddenly you will crack.
Bad luck will occur, your focus will dither, and you will start seeing more drama than ever before.
But arrogantly even if you KNOW what they like and you KNOW what is going on, you think you are qualified to deal with such people.
Let me make one thing clear – not even trained therapists can handle narcissists or toxic people well.
So what makes you think you can?
Do you think having endless conversations on how their bad behaviour should not be tolerated will change anything?
Do you think getting others involved in a group therapy will let them see the light?
I remember doing a bloody PowerPoint presentation to a narcissist ex on everything she was doing wrong, it took me hours to write and present.
Did she change?
I get it, people rarely change after the age of 18, and why should they?
If they have convinced themselves they are perfect and if those around them (flying monkeys and their awful parents), keep reinforcing their bad behaviour then who are you to tell them otherwise?
They point behind everything I am trying to tell you here is YOU CAN’T WIN.
They will never emphasize with how you feel, or what you are trying to say.
Nothing is ever good enough for these people, and your naivety and lack of real world knowledge gave them the benefit of the doubt to where you are now desperately searching on the internet for the answer.
The answer is simple, yet hard to implement for most people;
GO NO CONTACT.
I understand that is hard to read, but you have no other option.
I would not advice talking it out, they are not listening.
I would advise against therapy, as they will make YOU out to be the bad guy.
The only solution with any toxic or narcissistic person is no contact, and the reason why it works is because you are cutting off the supply.
Picture yourself as the parent, they are the child.
They run around causing havoc on you and all around you, and there you are cleaning up after their mess.
But their parents most likely stuck around, and threw more money and attention at the problem.
One ex I had told me to my face “I was spoilt as a kid, my parents were soft.”
What a fool I was thinking being disciplined and hard moral that I could actually change this person into thinking like a good healthy person.
I got badly burnt, so many times.
They see you as supply, attention, they thrive off it.
Long as you cry, shout, scream, react in any manner even in a calm way they will carry on bringing more drama and chaos into your life.
It is inevitable, you must understand there are horrible people in this world, and you are more than likely dealing with one right now.
So you must cut off the supply.
This means of course if it a relationship, friendship, family member you are now going no contact.
And no contact MEANS no contact.
This is the end, have a funeral for it, bury it and move on.
You will NOT receive any change, despite doing this and you must be strong.
Everything must go, social media, their telephone numbers, all reminders everything.
You have been poisoned by their toxicity and it is time to become a healthy individual again.
Do not use will power to fight your urge to talk to them, but instead re-read everything I have written to reinforce WHY this is happening.
There are toxic and narcissistic people in this world, and unfortunately you have met one or just realized somebody is not right for you.
You are better making friends with people that want the best for you.
Stick to it, and in time you will attract with the right healing and knowledge of what has happened to you better people.
I went no contact with THREE Narcissists in one year, and as a result my life has completely changed for the better.
You will be better off, and use me as your example.
I swear to you, it is the only way to see some change for the better in your life, especially if you feel exhausted because you’ve tried everything else OR are considering doing so.
Life is too damn short for drama and toxic people.
Start thriving, not just surviving.
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruellest irony.”
It is no surprise that the rise of narcissism, sociopaths and borderline personalities have had a detrimental effects on marriages ending in divorce, and best friends falling out.
I have a solid piece of advice that I want to give you, (however before I do) if you are reading this and you have no friends, understand that it is perfectly understandable and normal.
At school I fit into so many different groups and that is largely (not to toot my own horn that much) I was a bloody interesting dude.
I was a musician, but I loved sports.
I loved gaming, yet I loved psychology too.
I had so many different types of friends from different social groups.
The jocks, the geeks, the girls, and so on.
I never belonged to one particular group because I had a vast array of interests, and I still do.
I saw high school friends as disposable, because I knew that it was only for a limited amount of time, and eventually we would be moving on with our lives.
I was absolutely right.
Same I would assume go for college – but I digress.
I will give you three separate examples of former best friends who I had to cut away from.
The first one was a buddy from high school, and I stuck by his side and no matter what I had always supported him.
But as I was growing up and became more confident in myself I saw many narcissistic patterns in him.
His behaviour was disgusting, and unforgiveable, so I cut contact with him.
This was a guy I had been on vacation with three times, and I had spent years of my life loving.
Only for him to betray my trust, and ultimately use me like a toy.
The second best friend I had was no different.
We had done so much together over the years, and yet he was never really appreciative.
One day I had in my previous business secured a massive contract that would ultimately change my life for the best!
I was so delighted that I called my former best friend to join me in town after work for a “celebratory dinner, my treat!”
Eventually this guy turns up with a face like thunder moody, and completely ruined my vibe.
I told him “it brings me great joy that I am here with you, and sharing this proud moment with my best friend.”
He didn’t respond.
So there we were sat awkwardly as he ordered the most expensive item on the menu (knowing I would pay), and hardly spoke and was completely miserable.
On top of that he didn’t buy me a drink nor offer to as a thank you at any of the bars we went to later that evening.
I hated how I was treated, and told him “I can no longer be friends with you,” and walked away.
Lastly only just 3 months as I am writing this post (Jan 2020), a family friend of over 30 years projected on me and gave me narcissistic abuse.
He slammed my appearance
He criticized my dress sense
How I spoke to people
He threw personal private information back in my face
Verbally abused me
All because he was insecure and “drunk and had a bad day at work.”
I of course walked away from this relationship too.
My point here is despite being dreadfully unlucky when it came to best friends, that most of the time if you are not careful you will attract the wrong type of people into your life!
Dr Jordan Peterson sums up the solution to the type of friends you want to have right here;
This advice is simple; “make friends with people that want the best for you.”
You have something to offer this world, there is something good about you (assuming you are not narcissistic, because if you were you would not be reading this article).
There are GOOD people out there that will be by your side when you are winning or losing in life.
However beware there are malevolent toxic narcissistic and evil people who want to bring you down to your level.
What you think about expands, so if you are surrounded by people’s toxicity it will breed into your life like poison.
It is better to have no friends than to feel alone in any relationship.
Tolerating any form of abuse, gaslighting, manipulation or similar is just detrimental to your mental health and wellbeing.
I’d rather be alone than willingly tolerate other peoples crap.
But if you learn from your solitude rather than play the victim you will understand so many important lessons.
Having no friends can teach you to increase your accountability.
Being surrounded by friends all the time means you are constantly accountable for others actions, and instead you can be in charge and only answer to yourself.
Your decision making skills will vastly increase because you have nobody to consult with.
You can eat what you want, where you want, when you want.
I’ve eaten alone many times, gone to the cinema, you name it.
There is no stigma, I will not stop living my life because I am alone, and neither should you.
Your bravery will increase as well as your risk taking but in a positive way.
You may start to learn a skill, or attend a class, or pack up and go travelling wherever your heart desires!
You interpret the word “no,” as “on.”
All of this will lead you into the wonderful world of personal growth, where you can self-reflect on your life, your actions and what you want to improve.
Having friends is not overrated if you are not in a good place in your life.
Embrace the change, learn the lessons, but ultimately when the time is right and the opportunity is there be sure to; “make friends with people who want the best for you only!”
Let us assume you have recently just split with an ex, and it has come as a massive shock to you.
This applies to both men and women:
And all of a sudden, much to your surprise they have told you they want to break up.
In this very instance, it is important to grieve the relationship.
Bad advice is often given by many people to “move on,” or “forget about them,” but that simply isn’t the case.
Other people do not know or realize the emotional and spiritual connection you had with this person.
They made you feel special, loved, and you truly miss them deeply.
So please, cry, feel sad, and let your emotions out.
Holding on to or worse bottling them all up will set you up for an almighty emotional crash in the long run.
If not in the future you could be just walking down the street and there is something that reminds them of you, and like a blubbering baby you will just break down and cry.
Let out your feelings, feel sad, it is perfectly understandable and normal to do so.
This advice only applies by the way if you were a decent partner, you weren’t narcissistic, abusive, or betrayed their trust.
This applies to those who did “everything right,” but find themselves dumped for no apparent reason.
Personally I do not go back with exes, it is just a preference for me, however I will give you some solid advice into answering whether they will miss or forget you over time.
The truth is, assuming your ex wanted to leave you, the best thing to do is agree with their request and let them go.
Your ex for some reason or another which is not important right now, has decided to walk their own path alone.
A buddy of mine weeks before he got married broke up his engagement to go to Asia and climb Mount Everest!
He was thinking and hoping to find the answers on his life’s journey.
But he said as he was approaching the summit and all along the way:
“All I was thinking about in that cold, brutal climate was my ex. The entire time. I hadn’t heard from her since we split, and I just wanted to go home and hold her in my arms again.”
And with that when he returned he did! – And they are both happily married with two kids for over ten years.
An ex will miss you 10x more when you apply no contact.
You must be willing to allow them to walk their journey alone, and you must make sure you do the same.
Reaching out, begging and pleading will only reinforce their decision.
Like my friend the mountain climber, the fact he had heard nothing from her, and he was doing something he always wanted on his own, drove him crazy.
He couldn’t forget her, he loved her too much.
Your ex does love you, despite the fact you have been broken up with.
But bombarding them with affection, chasing them, begging them to change their mind will only push them further and further away.
Time in a break up is essential, for both partners.
Time for them to heal, and recollect their emotions.
And time for you, to improve and self-reflect, particularly after you have grieved the break up in a healthy manner.
It is easy to listen to friends and feel resentful and bitter, but you want to come to a healthy conclusion regardless and understand and accept the relationship has come to an end.
A stoic way to think of it is everything eventually comes to an end in life.
So that way, you can be grateful for even having love and a relationship to begin with.
This grateful attitude will make you happier and more peaceful in this stressful time of your life, which will allow you to attract more positive outcomes into it instead.
If you choose to be upset, moody, bitter and resentful you will only see more of that.
Remember, there are people out there who have never had love in their life, and you were lucky to experience it at all.
So as you improve yourself, and you self-reflect, inevitably your ex WILL have a wakeup call.
They will be getting on with their life, and something or someone will remind them of just how great a partner you were.
But they will only ever truly have this on their own accord, and NOT via your influence.
When they are breaking up with you, it is because they believe having a relationship with you for some reason is a negative thing.
But as time goes on, the positives will outweigh the negatives, and they will remember just how wonderful life was with you in it with them.
It is important to highlight though, if your goals were not the same then you are chasing a lost cause.
Perhaps you wanted to get married and have kids, yet your ex never shared the same opinion.
So wanting an ex back who ultimately doesn’t share the same goals or future plans with you is not the best way to think.
However assuming you were on the same page and path, time and space is essential.
So if you have allowed no contact, you haven’t chased them since the break-up, no follow up texts or late night calls, I can all but guarantee they will be missing you.
But you can only guarantee them missing you if you successfully and healthily apply no contact.
Do not post on social media how upset you are, or how much you miss them.
Keep it classy, keep it happy.
Improve and reflect privately.
And for goodness sake do not wait around for them to call.
The moment when you feel better start dating again, but not straight away.
Your ex will most likely have that wakeup call when they are out with somebody else, and they will have a rush of emotions of just how great a partner to them you were.
Remember and whilst it is not important there was a reason why they left you, however time will not necessarily make them forget that, but allow them to appreciate you much more than what they did.
It is so easy to take people for granted.
And if you truly love someone, you got to let them go.
Holding a lover hostage in a relationship they no longer want to be in, is a sure fire way to want them to forget you.
Time is on your side, everything will be fine if you apply no contact and all that I have advised. They will more likely miss you than forget you if you do so.
In this video I discuss what you need to know if you are starting or are in a long distance relationship.
If you are starting a long distance relationship or find yourself in one I got one thing to tell you;
“Welcome to Hell.”
Now that MAY be a tad overdramatic, but seriously though from my personal experience it really is no picnic. I mean it.
Here’s my story.
I was 19, I was on vacation in the sunny Mediterranean and I was having nothing short of the time of my life.
I laughed, I was drinking, I partied, I ate like a king, in fact I wasn’t even supposed to be on that trip but I got invited last minute and I had a blast!
Then on Vacation, I fell in love.
The most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she was in our hotel.
When I first saw her she walked by me, she smiled, my jaw hit the ground, I was in awe.
We got talking, and we liked the same music, the same movies, everything.
We were inseparable, and we had the most wonderful of holiday romances.
I had been fortunate to have had several holiday flings in my life, but I convinced myself, this was different, it was the real thing, I was truly in love, she was “the one.”
She was from Hungary, me from the UK, therefore in hindsight this interaction was only ever to be on this vacation, and at that specific time.
Looking back on it as a much older man now, I realize just how naive and foolish I was to fall in love after several days together on holiday.
Then came the eventual day I was to leave, she had a few days left, so I hugged her and kissed her goodbye.
It was like something out of a movie, full of emotions, full of tears in both our eyes.
“I WILL see you again,” I said as I held her in my arms as she sobbed all over my shirt, begging me to not leave her.
And so the two 19 year old kids in “love,” and with that, our taxi arrived and I got in as she waved, and that was the last time I saw her physically in the flesh.
I cried the entire flight home.
When I arrived safely she had texted me telling me how she was devastated, but I kept my promise to see her.
This was also back in the day of Skype and MSN Messenger.
Yeah I’m old school.
So I had to log in on my crappy old PC to skype my “girlfriend” when I returned. It was hell. The connection was awful, the sound worse, and restricted to Skype or MSN.
Not to mention that both MSN and Skype used to crash every time which made it even more painful in the little precious interactions I had with her.
So whenever we got talking, and we were so emotional, so in love, so happy to see each other on a distorted crappy webcam.
But as time went on, the harsh realities set in.
However the problems remained she lived in Hungary, I wasn’t planning on living there. Vice Versa she wasn’t going to come to the UK.
We were both young, ready to go to University, and study etc, begin a brand new chapter in our lives.
Ultimately no matter what was said or done, I had to end it as there was no future.
Was one of the hardest things I had ever done, I was having family and friends in my ear “she’s too far away, don’t be a fool, there’s plenty of other women.”
I called her to say “this is not going to happen, we must end it….”
She sobbed, swore at me, and never spoke to me again. I tried reaching out, I even bought a ticket to her country, without any idea of where to find her.
I spent time sobbing, feeling harsh about it, thinking there must be a way to save this!
Sadly at the time, there wasn’t.
And so, I got on with my life, chalked it down to experience, and said “this is the last time I will ever get into any sort of long distance relationship.” (I had a habit of making promises!)
Granted, I haven’t been in one since, and whilst my experience may seem a little naive, and immature ultimately I know what it’s like to have a Long Distance Relationship.
I know that others may not understand why you choose to date and commit yourself to somebody who is so far away, and may never return.
Or worse, may never see you again.
You are just another fool in love, but there are exceptions.
Married couples and fiancés have partners who travel globally and go months without seeing each other.
You are probably thinking, how do they make it work?
Well I’ll tell you:
1. They have the same goals – There is no point in dating somebody who sees no future with you, long distance or short distance. You have got to be on the same page. If not, you need to have a serious talk and think about your future with them.
2. Organize your schedules well – Make sure you are committed to your video chats, and calls. With modern technology it has never been easier to get in touch with one another, so do so. It is also probably the right time you also got yourself a diary, because you are going to need one if you don’t have.
3. Stop relying on technology – Having a gift, or item of clothing or something sentimental to hold onto physically of that person you are dating is a nice touch to keep the interaction real. Looking at a screen for a considerable amount of time no matter how much you love that person cannot trump the sensation of touch, smell and scent.
4. Communicate everything – Tell your partner you had a crap day. Tell them you hate your boss. Tell them you are annoyed by the most trivial things. Communicate everything from the big and the small. They are your partner they need to and want to hear it all, especially if they love and care about you. Hold nothing back!
5. Don’t stress and over plan meet ups – K.I.S.S. stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. Don’t go over the top with over-planned expensive dates etc. Just meet up and enjoy being together. Go with the flow, chances are you don’t have long in each other’s company, so you best not waste any time!
6. Trust – I know this is tough, but if your partner has given you no reason not to, you must trust them. Ultimately if your goals are aligned and you want kids or to be married or live together, then you would trust that person. But also if your gut tells you otherwise, you must always trust that more. More people cheat in Long Distance Relationships than any other kind. Sorry, but the truth hurts, remember what you are getting yourself into.
7. Don’t put your life on hold – I had a friend turn down a job 5x his salary for a partner he was with because he would be apart from her for a year. They had no kids, no mortgage, they were just dating. He regrets it to this day, because guess what, she dumped him for somebody else. Don’t make that mistake, your life matters so bloody much. Do not put it on hold for anybody or anything!
In this video I discuss healthy ways to make your ex guy regret losing you.
There is nothing worse than discovering that your fiancé, or hubby, or boyfriend has straight up gone and left your life like you didn’t exist.
This is NOT healthy behaviour and most likely the doing of the following personality traits;
A Cheater – cheaters are my pet hate. I loathe these types with a passion. These dishonest and disgraceful human beings have no remorse. Why would they? They’ve been sleeping with other women behind your back and lying to your face saying how much they loved you! So why else would they care about leaving you like you mean nothing to them? Sad reality is, you never were!
Narcissists – urgh, the dreaded Narc is the king of entitlement. Everything is his way, and that goes for people. You were his toy. His object. His supply. And for whatever reason (sometimes NO reason) he’s got shiny object syndrome and is straight onto his new toy, aka his new squeeze. These types have no remorse, no regrets, no empathy, nothing. You never mattered to them to begin with. I know that’s hard to understand, but the truth hurts.
Psychopaths/borderlines – ouch. I’m no Dr, but these guys straight up don’t know anything normal and healthy. So if you’ve been dumped unharmed by one of these dudes, count your lucky stars it was just a dumping. There is a deeper and much darker sides to people like this, so thank god they’ve left.
At the end of the day, no woman wants to be Carrie from Sex and the City, who got dumped on a post it note on her fridge.
But in modern times that could be a whatsapp, a snapchat, a facebook, a direct message.
“Its over, sorry.”
Ok fine, its over. No explanation, or even if you got one it’s probably lame. He’s packed his bags, or you have packed yours you have gone.
What you going to do about it?
CRY YOUR BLOODY EYES OUT!
You MAY or MAY NOT receive closure from such an individual, but that doesn’t mean you cannot create your own closure for yourself.
We must go back to centre, and heal ourselves from trauma and emotional wounds.
Not doing so will set you up for the most almighty of crashes emotionally. You can be shopping in Walmart and BOOM!
PTSD knocks you to your knees and you are crying, and have no idea why.
Remember we want to make the ex-boyfriend REGRET losing you.
Not feel good about it.
Every circumstance is different but let’s assume you were the perfect partner.
You did the following;
I’m going to assume you were not a cheater, and so on but a good person. That’s very important of course.
So what do you do?
Well assuming you’ve gone from the stage of grief, and remorse of the relationship ending, now it is time to heal but also make them regret.
Your friends will advise you poorly;
“Have a rebound, have fun!”
“Show off your new jewellery!”
“Forget men, its girls all you need!”
Wrong, my methods are healthy and will work in your favour.
Stop stalking him.
I know its hard, but trust me, you gotta do it!
That’s everything, all his social media, his whatsapp picture the whole lot. You got to stop doing it right now!
And for the love of god, please stop going by his house. What are you hoping to see?
You are acting crazy, and you are not crazy! They are for leaving you?
If he catches you stalking him in anyway, you will look like a fool, and we don’t want that.
Do not block him, unless he has been abusive or aggressive towards you in any shape or form. Let him see you which leads onto my next point.
DO NOT CONTACT HIM!
No facebook, no email, no text. Go no contact and even if he does reach out, stay no contact.
Do not reply, nothing!
This person felt so little of you to leave, so he should and will regret you giving him the cold shoulder.
Keep any social media posts you make classy.
Again do not listen to friends “I don’t need a man.”
Just post about things you love, nature, makeup, fashion whatever!
Don’t upload a video of yourself in a nightclub getting drunk.
KEEP IT CLASSY!
Take this opportunity to explore your options and date around.
NOT SLEEP AROUND, date.
Go out and meet new people.
This will eat your ex up inside if you do so. And especially if they find out through the grapevine you are dating again.
Lastly this is a key thing here and this may be difficult to understand:
Don’t play the victim.
It is extremely easy to sit there and feel sorry for yourself, and it will also make you feel better when others feel sympathetic toward your situation.
I get that, and that’s fine initially.
But if you dwell on it, for months or even years, well there is only going to be one guest at the pity party and that is you.
There is nothing more attractive than a person who goes through a hardship and comes out stronger, better and wiser.
Nobody likes the person who sits around moaning, feeling negative and living in the past full of regret and remorse.
Remember you WANT him to REGRET losing you.
If he hears you are so sad all the time and nothing without him, your ex will find that amusing and it will make him feel GOOD about himself.
We don’t want that we want to make you feel good and you will if you trust my methods.
Nothing I have suggested is spiteful, revengeful, and rude or hurts anybody.
They are simple psychological tricks to come out better in a very difficult situation.
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
There is nothing more confusing at the beginning stage of a new relationship when you feel that your partner is giving you the cold shoulder.
Or worse, they are giving you mixed signals.
Assuming they are not narcissistic or sociopaths there can be many different reasons that this is happening.
One minute a woman you are dating will be all over you, cannot get enough of you, and constantly always want to be next to you.
They shower you with affection, they praise you, and look at you like you are the king of the world!
Then all of a sudden, she acts moody, cold and the complete opposite.
Whilst not being a lover of pets, I have often seen a quite hilarious yet interesting comparison between women and cats.
Have you ever tried to pet a cat that didn’t want to be petted?
Trust me, ask those and they will show you the claw marks!
The cat will scratch and claw away at you, because it simply just wants to be left alone and not be touched at all!
This very same mind-set can be applied to a woman.
There are many different reasons why a woman you are dating can be acting cold:
Men because we think largely with logic more so than emotion find all this absolutely baffling.
We play a game of mental gymnastics and ask ourselves all the following questions:
What this all boils down to is two major things – insecurity and lack of knowledge in how women act and feel.
Disney movies and TV have portrayed all relationships to be one big long song and dance with birds chirping and sunshine and rainbows all the time!
But the reality is, as with life is relationships are difficult.
You will fight.
You will disagree.
You will not always be happy.
You will hit speed bumps along the way!
So assuming that somebody albeit your partner is going to be in love with you and happy 100% of the time is ridiculous.
We all have mood swings, we all get angry.
However this is exactly where guys usually get it all wrong.
Like the cat analogy, they keep trying to give more and more attention hoping it will make things better.
They will eve beg and plead, and tell them they would do anything, scratch their back, give them milk, and more!
Unfortunately it is very difficult to tame an angry cat, and the same can be applied to a moody woman.
So usually when she backs away guys are buying her chocolates, flowers, and going completely overboard to show their affection!
They shower them with attention when that is NOT what they want at all.
And what does this do?
It kills attraction and pushes her further away.
A buddy of mine did this to his ex, when she was upset that she didn’t get a promotion at her work, but she didn’t want to tell him about it due to feeling embarrassed.
It was the first time in their relationship that he had seen her back away and be a bit distant.
But without properly talking to her or allowing her space, my friend became incredibly insecure and went all out to try and “bring her back to feeling good!”
He booked a vacation, bought her some expensive gifts, went all out!
She however just wanted to talk and have a bit of space.
He never allowed for that to happen.
It resulted in her becoming more and more distant from him, to the point where the insecurity he was going through drove him crazy.
He texted and called her several times a day, he stalked her social media, he even bombarded her friends with what was wrong.
And when he eventually found out that it was over her work, he had in fact pushed her away even further to the point she wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
She blocked him, broke up with him, and moved on.
This has happened so many times to so many different guys its becoming a regular thing.
Space is sexy – trust me on this.
And like I said, assuming your partner is NOT a narcissist or sociopath, whatever the reason why she is backing away is irrelevant.
The solution is to mirror her emotions too, and do the same.
However, do not be cold or rude, do it with a touch of class.
I often use the line, “you’re upset, give me a shout when you feel better.”
And I will not text, call or see a woman when she is backing away.
By doing so and allowing her the space she needs, she will eventually return back to her good place.
So by mirroring her in her backing away you can return to doing what makes you happy away from your relationship and your partner.
You can work on your goals, see your friends more, or even just read a book and reflect.
It doesn’t matter what you do, but working on yourself and living your life rather than chasing her when she backs away will only make you more attractive to her.
She will eventually calm down, and feel good again.
And when she does, I absolutely guarantee she will be more into you than ever before.
Remember the cat analogy, let the cat go do its own thing and it will eventually get over its mood swing.
But if you constantly try to pick it up and touch it against its will, it will claw your face off!
Let your partner heal and get over whatever it is that is bothering them.
Women sometimes are just a range of emotions, and they sometimes experience them all in one go!
We men can’t understand that, so they need time and space in order to find their good place again.
But not allowing them that space will only make them resent you more, and push you even further away, especially in the long run.
This goes against a guy’s natural instinct, because he fears that because she is backing away he will lose her.
If you want to almost guarantee losing her, chase her, bombard her, and beg for attention when she backs away.
Or do the smart move, play it cool, focus on your purpose and your own life.
And watch her come back into your arms even more affectionate to you in no time!
Before you get married, you need to watch this very important video.
There is an Aesop Fable that I will paraphrase for you which can be used to describe most relationships that were not given enough thought.
A monkey was wondering through the jungle when he noticed a beautiful tree across a stream carrying the ripest fruits he had ever seen!
Starving and delighted by what he saw the monkey then looked down at the water.
It appeared quite deep in the middle, but he had more than enough strength to make it across.
So as it got ready to swim a very dangerous looking scorpion approached the monkey.
“Argh!” shouted the monkey, “please don’t sting me!?”
“Sting you?!” replied the scorpion, “my goodness I wouldn’t want to do that….”
“Well what you want from me?” asked the monkey.
And with that the scorpion explained how it longed to be on the other side of the stream too, and noticed the monkey was going to swim across to get there.
“Is there any chance you can let me ride along your back as I come with you?” asked the scorpion.
The monkey however was apprehensive, “but you are a scorpion, you will sting me, and if I am poisoned I will drown!”
“But so will I!” insisted the scorpion, “so what benefit is it if I sting you? I can’t swim either! Please let me come with you too!”
After some thought the monkey agreed to take the insect along with him across the stream.
And as he swam he noticed the water to be a lot rougher and deeper the further he got across.
However the two were laughing, joking and discussing all the wonderful activities they would get up to on the other side.
But suddenly the monkey felt a large piercing sting in the middle of his back, like a knife had stabbed him in the back.
Disorientated, and feeling sick from the poison running through his veins, he became weaker as his swimming strokes begun to slow down right in the middle of the stream.
He slowly turned his head around as he was about to drown and asked, “why...why did you sting me…now were going to die….”
And with little choice in his response, the scorpion replied “because I am a scorpion.”
Now you can interpret that story however you like, but if you marry a scorpion expect to get stung.
Let’s look at some divorce statistics as in the UK alone;
The latest divorce figures, revealed the divorce rate for heterosexual couples in the UK dropped dramatically in 2019 with 90,871 divorces of heterosexual couples in England and Wales compared with 101,669 divorces in 2018.
According to the Office for National Statistics, there were 7.5 divorces of opposite sex couples per 1,000 married men and women in 2019, representing the lowest rates since 1971 and a 10.6 per cent decrease since 2018.
Experts said this could be down to the fact that fewer couples are choosing to get married.
On a personal level I have been to three weddings in the last three years.
All different backgrounds, age groups, and people.
All are in the process of getting divorced.
Fundamentally getting married to somebody is such an enormous step in a relationship that people get mesmerized by the glitz wedding, and are not really focused on the decision they are making.
Let’s say you are in an unhappy relationship or are confused about your future with your partner in the early stages.
Here is how it normally goes:
Let’s begin with you are just dating, people often say to themselves “it will get better when we move in together.”
Then after you move in, “it will get better when we are engaged.”
“It will be better when we buy our own place.”
“It will be better when we are married.”
“It will be better when we have kids.”
Now although this is a specific example let me make things clear:
If there are problems in the early stages, the more you take on the more stress you will take on too.
Mortgages, bills, childcare, work, stress, meddling in laws, are just some of the added problems you will encounter.
But let’s use the alternative example like you are happy from day one, and I hope you are.
Unfortunately Disney movies and the media have given us the wrong impression of what to actually expect from a marriage.
I will give you some advice of what to do and how to think before you tie the knot, or even think about doing so:
1. Your partner is not the solution to all your problems
Getting married will not fix your addictions, insecurities or complete you as a person. Only YOU can do so, and thinking the other person will do so is a major co-dependency issue you must fix ASAP!
2. What are your expectations?
Are you expecting to be treated like Royalty? Do you think your partner is going to be your new mother/father? Be realistic, you can’t act single and go out on the town anymore, you have responsibilities if you decide to get hitched!
3. You won’t be “in Love” all the time
There will be difficult moments and days, where you are both moody and sick of each other. This is inevitable. It will not be one long romantic song and dance throughout the whole marriage. Sorry Disney fans.
4. Your Partner’s Family
When you marry somebody you marry INTO their family. Now you can of course create healthy boundaries and insist on space, but if these people are toxic or vice versa your spouse needs to know and it could very much be a deal breaker for your future relationship.
5. Your partner’s finances.
Is your partner bad with money? Are they an over-spender? A gambler? You are going to need to work as a team, and if they are not responsible financially, or if you aren’t either, you are going to be in for one hell of a bumpy ride!
6. Expect to argue and resolve it
Again, it’s not going to be one long beautiful song and dance. You will annoy each other and fight, but you must understand the bigger picture and realize that deep down you both love one another and want what is best for the marriage. Don’t be bitter, instead be quick to kiss and make up after giving each other space.
You must discuss what a breach of trust is, and vow to stick to it. Lying, hiding things, secrets, cheating, whatever they are, discuss them, write them down and also talk about what the consequences are for breaking the other persons trust.
8. Don’t quit so easily
People have very superficial relationships where it’s all lovely, and everything is great. But soon as there is a problem they are out in a flash. Do not do this in your marriage. Please! Do not quit, work hard to sort your issues out.
9. Express love and date
Date your spouse once or twice a month. Go to the cinema, buy flowers, out to dinner, whatever it takes! Romance should never die, and even a little gift or a card can go a very long way!