Categories
Dating Relationships

Dating Mistakes Women Make

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“Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are….”

Dating mistakes, or mistakes in general, who doesn’t make them am I right?

I was talking to a female friend who was really annoyed and distraught about being single.

She said the usual stuff “why can’t I find a good guy etc?”

It inspired me to do the video above, and also this blog post.

I sat down over a coffee one afternoon and researched and thought back throughout my life all of the times I had dates etc.

I fortunately for you the reader had plenty of dating experience.

So this post and the video really truly belongs to those women who are looking for something serious.

Aka the women who want to settle down, have a good prosperous and ultimately healthy relationship.

Be warned there are several things I’ve missed out on the list.

One is women who are extreme feminists and hate men – they will need luck to find any good guy to settle down with them.

Secondly, be wary of friends who are single and encouraging you to do so.

Just because they’d jump off a bridge you would too?

Sadly people are very envious and jealous these days, and it is their problem they cannot attract a guy.

It doesn’t mean you should buy into that negative way of thinking.

Anyway rant over, let us begin:

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#1 – Thinking you will find love by doing nothing

Do not get me wrong I am a huge law of attraction fan.

But actions will always speak louder than any words.

This is a fact.

So if you are sitting on your ass on Instagram thinking some guy is just going to knock on your door and beg you to go out with him – you are kind of right.

But instead if you are networking, meeting new people and perhaps doing online dating, then that is significantly better.

Here is why.

If a guy randomly approaches you, it is because he finds you attractive.

But he doesn’t know you at all, and he has based it on looks alone.

You will attract narcissists and toxic men as a result of this.

It is better to get off your backside and put yourself in a vulnerable position, like a bar or singles night.

You never know who you might meet, but you won’t find it at home watching Netflix.

#2 – Too Possessive

Ladies, we men love the fact you care.

But being too over bearing and possessive is a big turn off for us.

Guys or at least good guys are really simple dudes.

We like to watch sports, see mates, chill, watch a video online, and play a video game.

Whilst we love being with you, our space is very important to us.

Robbing us of that, or being a bit too much can kill attraction, and more problems.

#3 – Too Impatient

Be wary of men who want to jump straight into a relationship after the first or second date, they are most likely narcissists.

However, if you are being too full on discussing marriage or kids and you haven’t even spent the night together you are going to scare a guy off.

I am not saying play it too cool, but don’t go all in and rush things so fast.

Love takes time, but if you are on the same page and enjoy each other’s company just enjoy the ride.

Life and the attraction between you will blossom more naturally that way.

#4 – Modern dating is to blame

Ladies, modern dating has been responsible for more relationships happening every single day.

What was once seen as taboo is now the norm.

So stop blaming it, times have changed.

People are finding the love of their lives on apps, and websites.

It is perfectly normal, there is no stigma.

And also if you don’t like them you can just un-match or block them!

It is easier than ever to meet people thanks to the internet, so stop being so stiff about it and get with the times!

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#5 – Loving an ideal over a person

A huge mistake most people make is they love the ideal over the person.

Just because a man is good looking, got a good job, or looks great in a suit does not make him the right person for you.

Most women are focusing more on the fact that the idea of having a boyfriend is better than the person they are actually with.

My advice is to get to know the person first, they may look good on paper, but ultimately they may not be a good match for you.

#6 – Not being on the same page

You will NEVER be good enough for the wrong person.

So if from the early stages you are forcing or trying to convince somebody to date you or commit to you, unfortunately you are in for a rough road ahead.

Most people never change their minds, and a man can be very stubborn.

So if you force a guy to commit and then a year or two later are surprised you are still not married, what did you expect?

Highlight your intentions early on and lay them all on the table.

That way you can have less of an issue in the future, and more of an opportunity for a blossoming healthy relationship.

#7 – Playing games

Whoever told you that game playing is attractive to guys is wrong.

Whilst playing hard to get is nice for teenagers, for most adults and serious people who want to date, any signs of games will repel a good man.

So stay clear of ghosting, taking ages to reply, trying to make him jealous and so on.

Remember you want to attract a good man, not the wrong type of man.

Most men often tell their friends how they cannot stand a woman who plays any type of games.

Ignore the advice that encourages it, don’t play.

#8 – High maintenance

Nobody likes a spoilt princess or a drama queen.

I get it, you can have standards but if you are a bit TOO over the top with your demands and requirements, then it can certainly have a detrimental effect on your relationship and dating.

Do not get me wrong, men love to spoil their partners, but in doses.

Constantly being demanding about expensive gifts etc, is a sure fire way to turn a man off.

It is also a form of narcissism, and trust me nobody wants to be around that.

#9 – Acting single when you are committed

So you finally get into a relationship or seriously dating one guy.

Yet you are still out partying to all hours, drinking excessively, or flirting openly with other men like you are single.

This is not only a huge red flag, but a massive turn off for most men.

When you are committed stop partying as much, stop acting like a singleton.

Hopefully you have found the one now, so stay committed.

#10 – Flakiness

If you asked most guys what is a huge turn off for them when it comes to dating, flakiness will be near enough the top of the list.

Ladies, if you can’t make a decision say so.

If you cannot commit say so.

Nothing will ruin your chances of a good relationship more than being unable to commit or being flaky.

It is a massive downside to a blossoming relationship or first interaction.

If you are flaky there is a chance you will be left aside for somebody else.

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Categories
Dating Relationships

10 Signs Someone Really Loves You

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“The course of true love never did run smooth. …”

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse from friends, family, I noticed that the word “love” is thrown about a bit too often nowadays.

For example, people “love” coffee, people “love,” movies, etc etc.

But how many people truly love one another?

In an age and society of entitlement being on the rise, how can we be so sure that the person we hold and love so dearly in our hearts feels the same?

As somebody who has removed toxic people from their life and allowed better and normal healthy ones into it instead, you can see a significant difference.

But rather than focusing on red flags, let us focus instead on what to look for.

I have collected ten signs that I believe to be great indications somebody does truly love you.

But be warned, narcissists and toxic people can put on one hell of an act, however if you are seeing roughly over 50% of the total ten signs I am going to list, I can safely say you are not in dangerous waters for sure.

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#1 – They have fun with you regardless

It is easy to love each other if you are on a rollercoaster, or watching an epic movie, or eating an amazing meal in a fancy restaurant.

But if you are opposite each other doing laundry, filling up petrol, or just walking in the park, and the energy is good and you are having a blast – they are a keeper.

Be warned of those who seek constant thrills, and money spent to hang out.

Those who truly love you, will do anything with you and will make it fun because they have a good positive, happy energy in your presence.

#2 – They treat you like they love you

This may be tough to understand but I will explain it to you in very simple terms.

Imagine you love someone or something, how do you treat it?

With care, respect, admiration, and you want what is best for it or them.

The same is going back in your direction.

If that person listens, respects you, wants what is best for you and above all compromises, they truly love you.

If you find yourself butting heads on the most basic of issues, then I am sorry, you have problems ahead of you my friend.

Good partners put you first and love everything about you, and their actions match their words.

A narcissist doesn’t, and you find yourself confused because they say they love you, but treat you like crap.

#3 – They look at you a lot

If someone is buried in their phone, or always looking away, that person doesn’t love you, truly at all.

Or if that person is fixated on you, especially when you may not look or feel your best, that person loves you truly.

I remember driving with an ex-girlfriend and we were singing songs in my car, and I could just feel her staring at me the whole time.

She adored me, and I am not going to lie it is a great feeling to experience.

Be sure to look at that persons actions especially with their eye contact toward you.

Those who look elsewhere, have their mind and heart elsewhere too.

#4 – They want to be with you a lot

My uncle told me this when I was a kid, “if somebody sacrifices their Friday or Saturday night when they could be partying with friends for an evening with you, they really love you.”

He was 100% right!

When somebody wants to spend all their time with you, they truly adore you.

They want to do everything and anything with you.

Even just going for a drive to pick up dry cleaning, they will do that and happily too because they love spending every second with you.

This is hard to find these days, especially with all the distractions of the world.

But luckily there are some who still act and feel this way.

Look out for it, the more they want to spend time with you the more they are in love with you.

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#5 – They show empathy towards you in the good and bad times

A crystal clear indication someone is a narcissist or doesn’t love you is lack of empathy.

I remember the amount of times I tried to explain how I felt and was barely understood by an ex narcissist.

It was incredibly frustrating, and of course very upsetting too.

So when somebody is able to be empathetic, and feel the feelings you are going through, then you will know that person truly loves you.

A good scene in a movie is the Elliott and ET scene where they experience the same feelings mutually.

It is no different with a loved one.

If they are able to offer you emotional support through good and bad times, irrespective of how you feel they are truly in love with you.

#6 – Love is not hard or painful

One of the worst lies an ex narcissist told me is “sometimes relationships are rough, and you should accept that as normal.”

Whilst struggle can be inevitable, ultimately you should be very weary when it happens all the time.

When you are constantly fighting, and there is drama or more bad days then good – RUN.

Love should not be hard or painful.

You should not have to tread on eggshells, or worry how to act or be.

It is cliché but being yourself and being accepted by the other person is wonderful.

That is true love, not whatever a person tells you it should be.

#7 – They remember the little things

There is nothing sweeter and no clearer sign of true love when someone remembers the little things that make you who you are.

And no I am not talking about your birthday.

It is the little quirks or things you like or dislike.

For example I don’t like cheddar cheese, and one of my ex made a special meal for me without cheddar.

I only mentioned it once, but because she loved me she remembered.

These people are going above and beyond to please you, and that is why they remember.

#8 – You feel comfortable and safe

This is some amazing advice, if you never feel the following you are with a perfect partner;

  • Anxiety
  • Shame
  • Disrespect
  • Abuse
  • Afraid
  • Annoyed
  • Uncomfortable

A good partner loves you for who you are, inside and out.

They don’t play games, or make you feel bad.

You are allowed to be whom you are, and as a result you are loved for it.

You can be and feel completely safe around this person – always.

#9 – They see you in their future

If a person loves you very deeply they are perfectly fine with who you are.

That means also, they see you in the future.

That may mean, moving in together, or getting engaged, marriage or kids.

If they often plan their future with you in it, there is a huge sign they love you very much.

It could even mean a week in advance, when they see you full enrolled in their lives and immediate future, rest assured you are loved very much.

However if somebody cannot even properly commit to you short term in any capacity, or show any sign that they are serious about you – do not consider them for a relationship.

#10 – They are genuinely afraid to lose you

A person who truly loves you, and isn’t a toxic person manipulating you with games, is and would be devastated to lose you.

They have grown accustomed to you in their personal lives, and the very thought of them losing you, crushes them.

Many people unfortunately can use this to their advantage, particularly toxic people.

But those who are genuine and love that person mutually won’t.

In fact the feeling is mutual.

When love is pure and you are both happy – why leave?

Why even think about leaving?

Cherish each other, because whilst it may be tricky to find, true love is wonderful to experience and behold.

Categories
Dating Relationships

Stop Thinking About Your Ex | Breakups

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“Breakups are tough, but people are even tougher.”

I was listening to a Jocko podcast when I was going through a pretty rough breakup and he basically said how when it comes to splitting up;

“You were in love with the fantasy, the person you thought they once were, not what they actually are.”

I don’t think I have found a truer description on a breakup, and I suppose one has to go through the motions to really truly discover and understand what they go through.

Another piece of advice came from my uncle of all people;

“It doesn’t really matter how long you were together, but I can safely tell you it will take you at the very least about six months to get back on your feet.”

He could not have been more right.

I could tell you right now how breaking up with a narcissist is not especially straight forward, more so because there is absolutely no closure.

Closure is a wonderful beautiful thing to soften the blow of one chapter ending in your life, in a very mature manner.

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But in my case in particularly dealing with such a toxic and narcissistic individual you realize that there is no closure, because there is no reasoning with them.

However I am not painting myself out to be a victim here either, all breakups are tough.

Every single one.

Whether you have been dumped, or caught them cheating, getting divorced or what have you.

Regardless when you let a person into your life, then into your emotional space, your home, your heart, your mind, your family.

And suddenly regardless of why or how, they are out of the picture.

They cease to exist in your eyes.

I know it is a generalization here but all breakups are the same.

They all hurt, they are all crap, and they are all transitional.

Here is another very wise statement;

You will only be over somebody when you start to make plans about your life, without them.

How true a statement.

How accurate a statement.

If you plan a vacation, a trip abroad, a career move, a location move, anything that will impact your life, without that other person’s feelings, or presence involved – you have moved on.

But hold on bucko – that is just one part of the situation here.

It does not mean you are emotionally over that person.

It does not mean you are ready to date.

It does not mean you are not also no longer upset.

What I learnt in those first six months was it is just a gruelling process of grief.

It takes time to really move on.

It takes time to piece your life back together.

I do not agree with those who move on straight away, or date somebody else or appear not bothered.

Because they are in for a MASSIVE case of PTSD shortly down the line, where they will suddenly get flashes of what they had, and they will have a break down emotionally because they didn’t do the work or the healing.

All breakups need at least 6 months to heal from.

Every single one, irrespective of what happened or how it happened.

They all require the same amount of transition.

When you break up, you will be emotionally all over the place.

That is why it is important to be ruthless and cold, and put an abrupt end to all interactions with your ex.

So that means deleting photos, numbers, social media, everything and anything.

Understand and accept the next 6 months are going to not necessarily be rough, but not be a picnic either.

If there is one thing I would tell myself in the past is the same thing I am telling you now.

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Every day improves.

Every moment gets better.

Do not rush the healing.

So the first step is moving on.

Book a vacation alone.

Go out to eat alone.

Do things you enjoyed in your relationship alone.

Spending time alone and realizing it isn’t as awful as others make it out to be, will show you that everything is ok.

In fact you will also know that there is a lot more to you than you realized too.

For me I had lost so much of my personality in my relationship – narcissists will do that to you.

And gradually over time, I started remembering what made me who I was, and what I enjoyed.

Your breakup is a good chance to realize what made you special, but also what you can do to improve about yourself.

Pre my relationship I chased casual romance, and nothing serious.

Now with a more mature outlook, I only pursue what is meaningful and have high standards.

Something that I had NEVER had before in my life.

You can do the same.

Also whilst it may be difficult to at first, channel your energy and time or resources into a passion project.

The very website you are reading this on now was that project – the SCG SHOW came out of a break up.

And it has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life.

The distraction mentally or physically will help you realize that you can survive absolutely fine without that person in your life.

Also remember to have a list of all the negative aspects of your past relationship.

Even if they were “perfect” just list the fact they broke up with you.

You will NEVER be enough for the wrong person.

By doing this, you will remind yourself of WHY you will NOT go back or rekindle a relationship.

There is a high percentage of people who breakup when they get back together after a split.

Once you are done, you are done.

Don’t be wishy washy, stick to your guns.

For me I had made a list in an mp3 on my phone, so whenever I was feeling down, I’d just listen to all the awful things of my past relationship.

It would immediately reassure me I had done the right thing by moving on.

And also last but not least GO NO CONTACT AND REMAIN NO CONTACT.

In my case no contact with a narcissist is essential, as they are manipulative and extremely toxic people.

So the cycle of abuse and manipulation would be never ending.

It is stressful, time wasting and just awful.

So cutting off the supply to these narcissists is the only way to deal with them.

There is NO reason to have you exes number unless you are sharing custody of children.

So delete them, especially off social media.

You are not friends, you have nothing to discuss.

Remember you are trying to stop thinking about them, talking to them all the time will halt your development and also stop you from meeting someone new.

It is a waste of time.

I am proud to be 7 months no contact, and believe me I had plenty of contradictory emails begging for me to go back.

Even though when we split she told me “she hated me etc.” – Typical narcissist.

With that pride and self-respect I can carry myself a lot better into a new healthier relationship, and you can do the same.

Enjoy the transition, do exactly what I said, and all will be fine.

I guarantee it.

Categories
Dating Relationships

How to Make Any Man Miss You

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Has your man just dumped you without warning?

Watch the video above to find out the right way to make him miss you!

Categories
Dating Relationships

Amazing Psychological Facts on Love

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Would it surprise you that being in love has the same biological effects as being addicted to cocaine?!

Watch the video above to find out more amazing facts about love!

Categories
Narcissism Relationships

How to Go No Contact With Toxic People

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“Silence is golden.”

The easiest and most effective manner to deal with any toxic individual is to go no contact.

Speaking from many years of personal experiences mostly bad with toxic people and narcissists you need to understand one fundamental thing;

YOU WON’T WIN.

That’s it, you won’t beat them at their own game.

You won’t win an argument.

You won’t win them over with logic.

You won’t ever convince them to be good.

You are fighting a losing battle, and because of that why even take part?

Never argue with a fool, because from a distance you cannot tell who is who.

This is the same with these people, and you must do what their parents never did;

Instil discipline and proper boundaries.

Toxic people do not care about you, they do not really love you, and they always inevitably bring a wave of destruction and chaos into your life.

If you are not careful and you allow the mind games to begin, the toxicity and poison will spread.

There are so many things they bring into your life without you knowing;

  • Manipulation
  • Jealousy
  • Arguments
  • Insecurity
  • Controversy
  • Drama

Think back to a spoilt brat that was never told no.

They have it in their minds as they become adults that they can literally get away with murder.

So what happens?

They become entitled, rude and toxic individuals.

All because mom and dad bought them whatever they wanted the second they started to throw a tantrum.

So they honestly believe for some weird reason the world owes them something.

Hence why they are entitled.

If you happen to unfortunately be in a romantic relationship with a toxic or narcissistic person it is the same story.

You tread on eggshells, most likely get cheated on, abused, manipulated and so much more.

Is it worth it?

Absolutely not!

What can you do about it?

Well, let me try go into more detail here.

You may be the smartest, wisest and calmest individual person in the world.

But if you allow a toxic person to be in your personal life, what is going to happen?

You are drinking from the poison chalice, and suddenly you will crack.

Bad luck will occur, your focus will dither, and you will start seeing more drama than ever before.

But arrogantly even if you KNOW what they like and you KNOW what is going on, you think you are qualified to deal with such people.

Let me make one thing clear – not even trained therapists can handle narcissists or toxic people well.

So what makes you think you can?

Do you think having endless conversations on how their bad behaviour should not be tolerated will change anything?

Do you think getting others involved in a group therapy will let them see the light?

I remember doing a bloody PowerPoint presentation to a narcissist ex on everything she was doing wrong, it took me hours to write and present.

Did she change?

No.

I get it, people rarely change after the age of 18, and why should they?

If they have convinced themselves they are perfect and if those around them (flying monkeys and their awful parents), keep reinforcing their bad behaviour then who are you to tell them otherwise?

They point behind everything I am trying to tell you here is YOU CAN’T WIN.

They will never emphasize with how you feel, or what you are trying to say.

Nothing is ever good enough for these people, and your naivety and lack of real world knowledge gave them the benefit of the doubt to where you are now desperately searching on the internet for the answer.

The answer is simple, yet hard to implement for most people;

GO NO CONTACT.

I understand that is hard to read, but you have no other option.

I would not advice talking it out, they are not listening.

I would advise against therapy, as they will make YOU out to be the bad guy.

The only solution with any toxic or narcissistic person is no contact, and the reason why it works is because you are cutting off the supply.

Picture yourself as the parent, they are the child.

They run around causing havoc on you and all around you, and there you are cleaning up after their mess.

But their parents most likely stuck around, and threw more money and attention at the problem.

One ex I had told me to my face “I was spoilt as a kid, my parents were soft.”

What a fool I was thinking being disciplined and hard moral that I could actually change this person into thinking like a good healthy person.

I got badly burnt, so many times.

They see you as supply, attention, they thrive off it.

Long as you cry, shout, scream, react in any manner even in a calm way they will carry on bringing more drama and chaos into your life.

It is inevitable, you must understand there are horrible people in this world, and you are more than likely dealing with one right now.

So you must cut off the supply.

This means of course if it a relationship, friendship, family member you are now going no contact.

And no contact MEANS no contact.

This is the end, have a funeral for it, bury it and move on.

You will NOT receive any change, despite doing this and you must be strong.

Everything must go, social media, their telephone numbers, all reminders everything.

You have been poisoned by their toxicity and it is time to become a healthy individual again.

Do not use will power to fight your urge to talk to them, but instead re-read everything I have written to reinforce WHY this is happening.

There are toxic and narcissistic people in this world, and unfortunately you have met one or just realized somebody is not right for you.

You are better making friends with people that want the best for you.

Stick to it, and in time you will attract with the right healing and knowledge of what has happened to you better people.

I went no contact with THREE Narcissists in one year, and as a result my life has completely changed for the better.

You will be better off, and use me as your example.

I swear to you, it is the only way to see some change for the better in your life, especially if you feel exhausted because you’ve tried everything else OR are considering doing so.

Life is too damn short for drama and toxic people.

Start thriving, not just surviving.

Categories
Relationships Self Improvement

Read This If You Have No Friends

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“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruellest irony.”

It is no surprise that the rise of narcissism, sociopaths and borderline personalities have had a detrimental effects on marriages ending in divorce, and best friends falling out.

I have a solid piece of advice that I want to give you, (however before I do) if you are reading this and you have no friends, understand that it is perfectly understandable and normal.

At school I fit into so many different groups and that is largely (not to toot my own horn that much) I was a bloody interesting dude.

I was a musician, but I loved sports.

I loved gaming, yet I loved psychology too.

I had so many different types of friends from different social groups.

The jocks, the geeks, the girls, and so on.

I never belonged to one particular group because I had a vast array of interests, and I still do.

I saw high school friends as disposable, because I knew that it was only for a limited amount of time, and eventually we would be moving on with our lives.

I was absolutely right.

Same I would assume go for college – but I digress.

I will give you three separate examples of former best friends who I had to cut away from.

The first one was a buddy from high school, and I stuck by his side and no matter what I had always supported him.

But as I was growing up and became more confident in myself I saw many narcissistic patterns in him.

  • He was a control freak
  • Everything was on his terms
  • He only wanted me when he was bored
  • When I needed him he was never there for me
  • He lacked empathy
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His behaviour was disgusting, and unforgiveable, so I cut contact with him.

This was a guy I had been on vacation with three times, and I had spent years of my life loving.

Only for him to betray my trust, and ultimately use me like a toy.

The second best friend I had was no different.

We had done so much together over the years, and yet he was never really appreciative.

One day I had in my previous business secured a massive contract that would ultimately change my life for the best!

I was so delighted that I called my former best friend to join me in town after work for a “celebratory dinner, my treat!”

Eventually this guy turns up with a face like thunder moody, and completely ruined my vibe.

I told him “it brings me great joy that I am here with you, and sharing this proud moment with my best friend.”

He didn’t respond.

So there we were sat awkwardly as he ordered the most expensive item on the menu (knowing I would pay), and hardly spoke and was completely miserable.

On top of that he didn’t buy me a drink nor offer to as a thank you at any of the bars we went to later that evening.

I hated how I was treated, and told him “I can no longer be friends with you,” and walked away.

Lastly only just 3 months as I am writing this post (Jan 2020), a family friend of over 30 years projected on me and gave me narcissistic abuse.

He slammed my appearance

He criticized my dress sense

How I spoke to people

He threw personal private information back in my face

Verbally abused me

All because he was insecure and “drunk and had a bad day at work.

I of course walked away from this relationship too.

My point here is despite being dreadfully unlucky when it came to best friends, that most of the time if you are not careful you will attract the wrong type of people into your life!

Dr Jordan Peterson sums up the solution to the type of friends you want to have right here;

This advice is simple; “make friends with people that want the best for you.”

You have something to offer this world, there is something good about you (assuming you are not narcissistic, because if you were you would not be reading this article).

There are GOOD people out there that will be by your side when you are winning or losing in life.

However beware there are malevolent toxic narcissistic and evil people who want to bring you down to your level.

What you think about expands, so if you are surrounded by people’s toxicity it will breed into your life like poison.

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It is better to have no friends than to feel alone in any relationship.

Tolerating any form of abuse, gaslighting, manipulation or similar is just detrimental to your mental health and wellbeing.

I’d rather be alone than willingly tolerate other peoples crap.

But if you learn from your solitude rather than play the victim you will understand so many important lessons.

Having no friends can teach you to increase your accountability.

Being surrounded by friends all the time means you are constantly accountable for others actions, and instead you can be in charge and only answer to yourself.

Your decision making skills will vastly increase because you have nobody to consult with.

You can eat what you want, where you want, when you want.

I’ve eaten alone many times, gone to the cinema, you name it.

There is no stigma, I will not stop living my life because I am alone, and neither should you.

Your bravery will increase as well as your risk taking but in a positive way.

You may start to learn a skill, or attend a class, or pack up and go travelling wherever your heart desires!

You interpret the word “no,” as “on.”

All of this will lead you into the wonderful world of personal growth, where you can self-reflect on your life, your actions and what you want to improve.

Having friends is not overrated if you are not in a good place in your life.

Embrace the change, learn the lessons, but ultimately when the time is right and the opportunity is there be sure to; “make friends with people who want the best for you only!”

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Relationships

Will Time Make My Ex Miss Me Or Forget Me?

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Let us assume you have recently just split with an ex, and it has come as a massive shock to you.

This applies to both men and women:

  • You were the perfect partner.
  • You gave them everything to make them happy.
  • You saw a future with them.

And all of a sudden, much to your surprise they have told you they want to break up.

In this very instance, it is important to grieve the relationship.

Bad advice is often given by many people to “move on,” or “forget about them,” but that simply isn’t the case.

Other people do not know or realize the emotional and spiritual connection you had with this person.

They made you feel special, loved, and you truly miss them deeply.

So please, cry, feel sad, and let your emotions out.

Holding on to or worse bottling them all up will set you up for an almighty emotional crash in the long run.

If not in the future you could be just walking down the street and there is something that reminds them of you, and like a blubbering baby you will just break down and cry.

Let out your feelings, feel sad, it is perfectly understandable and normal to do so.

This advice only applies by the way if you were a decent partner, you weren’t narcissistic, abusive, or betrayed their trust.

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This applies to those who did “everything right,” but find themselves dumped for no apparent reason.

Personally I do not go back with exes, it is just a preference for me, however I will give you some solid advice into answering whether they will miss or forget you over time.

The truth is, assuming your ex wanted to leave you, the best thing to do is agree with their request and let them go.

Your ex for some reason or another which is not important right now, has decided to walk their own path alone.

A buddy of mine weeks before he got married broke up his engagement to go to Asia and climb Mount Everest!

He was thinking and hoping to find the answers on his life’s journey.

But he said as he was approaching the summit and all along the way:

“All I was thinking about in that cold, brutal climate was my ex. The entire time. I hadn’t heard from her since we split, and I just wanted to go home and hold her in my arms again.”

And with that when he returned he did! – And they are both happily married with two kids for over ten years.

An ex will miss you 10x more when you apply no contact.

You must be willing to allow them to walk their journey alone, and you must make sure you do the same.

Reaching out, begging and pleading will only reinforce their decision.

Like my friend the mountain climber, the fact he had heard nothing from her, and he was doing something he always wanted on his own, drove him crazy.

He couldn’t forget her, he loved her too much.

Your ex does love you, despite the fact you have been broken up with.

But bombarding them with affection, chasing them, begging them to change their mind will only push them further and further away.

Time in a break up is essential, for both partners.

Time for them to heal, and recollect their emotions.

And time for you, to improve and self-reflect, particularly after you have grieved the break up in a healthy manner.

It is easy to listen to friends and feel resentful and bitter, but you want to come to a healthy conclusion regardless and understand and accept the relationship has come to an end.

A stoic way to think of it is everything eventually comes to an end in life.

So that way, you can be grateful for even having love and a relationship to begin with.

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This grateful attitude will make you happier and more peaceful in this stressful time of your life, which will allow you to attract more positive outcomes into it instead.

If you choose to be upset, moody, bitter and resentful you will only see more of that.

Remember, there are people out there who have never had love in their life, and you were lucky to experience it at all.

So as you improve yourself, and you self-reflect, inevitably your ex WILL have a wakeup call.

They will be getting on with their life, and something or someone will remind them of just how great a partner you were.

But they will only ever truly have this on their own accord, and NOT via your influence.

When they are breaking up with you, it is because they believe having a relationship with you for some reason is a negative thing.

But as time goes on, the positives will outweigh the negatives, and they will remember just how wonderful life was with you in it with them.

It is important to highlight though, if your goals were not the same then you are chasing a lost cause.

Perhaps you wanted to get married and have kids, yet your ex never shared the same opinion.

So wanting an ex back who ultimately doesn’t share the same goals or future plans with you is not the best way to think.

However assuming you were on the same page and path, time and space is essential.

So if you have allowed no contact, you haven’t chased them since the break-up, no follow up texts or late night calls, I can all but guarantee they will be missing you.

But you can only guarantee them missing you if you successfully and healthily apply no contact.

Do not post on social media how upset you are, or how much you miss them.

Keep it classy, keep it happy.

Improve and reflect privately.

And for goodness sake do not wait around for them to call.

The moment when you feel better start dating again, but not straight away.

Your ex will most likely have that wakeup call when they are out with somebody else, and they will have a rush of emotions of just how great a partner to them you were.

Remember and whilst it is not important there was a reason why they left you, however time will not necessarily make them forget that, but allow them to appreciate you much more than what they did.

It is so easy to take people for granted.

And if you truly love someone, you got to let them go.

Holding a lover hostage in a relationship they no longer want to be in, is a sure fire way to want them to forget you.

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Time is on your side, everything will be fine if you apply no contact and all that I have advised. They will more likely miss you than forget you if you do so.

Categories
Relationships

Starting A Long Distance Relationship

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In this video I discuss what you need to know if you are starting or are in a long distance relationship.

If you are starting a long distance relationship or find yourself in one I got one thing to tell you;

“Welcome to Hell.”

Now that MAY be a tad overdramatic, but seriously though from my personal experience it really is no picnic. I mean it.

Here’s my story.

I was 19, I was on vacation in the sunny Mediterranean and I was having nothing short of the time of my life.

I laughed, I was drinking, I partied, I ate like a king, in fact I wasn’t even supposed to be on that trip but I got invited last minute and I had a blast!

Then on Vacation, I fell in love.

The most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she was in our hotel.

When I first saw her she walked by me, she smiled, my jaw hit the ground, I was in awe.

We got talking, and we liked the same music, the same movies, everything.

We were inseparable, and we had the most wonderful of holiday romances.

I had been fortunate to have had several holiday flings in my life, but I convinced myself, this was different, it was the real thing, I was truly in love, she was “the one.”

She was from Hungary, me from the UK, therefore in hindsight this interaction was only ever to be on this vacation, and at that specific time.

Looking back on it as a much older man now, I realize just how naive and foolish I was to fall in love after several days together on holiday.

Then came the eventual day I was to leave, she had a few days left, so I hugged her and kissed her goodbye.

It was like something out of a movie, full of emotions, full of tears in both our eyes.

“I WILL see you again,” I said as I held her in my arms as she sobbed all over my shirt, begging me to not leave her.

And so the two 19 year old kids in “love,” and with that, our taxi arrived and I got in as she waved, and that was the last time I saw her physically in the flesh.

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I cried the entire flight home.

When I arrived safely she had texted me telling me how she was devastated, but I kept my promise to see her.

This was also back in the day of Skype and MSN Messenger.

Yeah I’m old school.

No Facetime.

No Facebook.

No Whatsapp.

So I had to log in on my crappy old PC to skype my “girlfriend” when I returned. It was hell. The connection was awful, the sound worse, and restricted to Skype or MSN.

Not to mention that both MSN and Skype used to crash every time which made it even more painful in the little precious interactions I had with her.

So whenever we got talking, and we were so emotional, so in love, so happy to see each other on a distorted crappy webcam.

But as time went on, the harsh realities set in.

However the problems remained she lived in Hungary, I wasn’t planning on living there. Vice Versa she wasn’t going to come to the UK.

We were both young, ready to go to University, and study etc, begin a brand new chapter in our lives.

Ultimately no matter what was said or done, I had to end it as there was no future.

Was one of the hardest things I had ever done, I was having family and friends in my ear “she’s too far away, don’t be a fool, there’s plenty of other women.”

I called her to say “this is not going to happen, we must end it….”

She sobbed, swore at me, and never spoke to me again. I tried reaching out, I even bought a ticket to her country, without any idea of where to find her.

I spent time sobbing, feeling harsh about it, thinking there must be a way to save this!

Sadly at the time, there wasn’t.

And so, I got on with my life, chalked it down to experience, and said “this is the last time I will ever get into any sort of long distance relationship.” (I had a habit of making promises!)

Granted, I haven’t been in one since, and whilst my experience may seem a little naive, and immature ultimately I know what it’s like to have a Long Distance Relationship.

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I know that others may not understand why you choose to date and commit yourself to somebody who is so far away, and may never return.

Or worse, may never see you again.

You are just another fool in love, but there are exceptions.

Married couples and fiancés have partners who travel globally and go months without seeing each other.

You are probably thinking, how do they make it work?

Well I’ll tell you:

1. They have the same goals – There is no point in dating somebody who sees no future with you, long distance or short distance. You have got to be on the same page. If not, you need to have a serious talk and think about your future with them.

2. Organize your schedules well – Make sure you are committed to your video chats, and calls. With modern technology it has never been easier to get in touch with one another, so do so. It is also probably the right time you also got yourself a diary, because you are going to need one if you don’t have.

3. Stop relying on technology – Having a gift, or item of clothing or something sentimental to hold onto physically of that person you are dating is a nice touch to keep the interaction real. Looking at a screen for a considerable amount of time no matter how much you love that person cannot trump the sensation of touch, smell and scent.

4. Communicate everything – Tell your partner you had a crap day. Tell them you hate your boss. Tell them you are annoyed by the most trivial things. Communicate everything from the big and the small. They are your partner they need to and want to hear it all, especially if they love and care about you. Hold nothing back!

5. Don’t stress and over plan meet ups – K.I.S.S. stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. Don’t go over the top with over-planned expensive dates etc. Just meet up and enjoy being together. Go with the flow, chances are you don’t have long in each other’s company, so you best not waste any time!

6. Trust – I know this is tough, but if your partner has given you no reason not to, you must trust them. Ultimately if your goals are aligned and you want kids or to be married or live together, then you would trust that person. But also if your gut tells you otherwise, you must always trust that more. More people cheat in Long Distance Relationships than any other kind. Sorry, but the truth hurts, remember what you are getting yourself into.

7. Don’t put your life on hold – I had a friend turn down a job 5x his salary for a partner he was with because he would be apart from her for a year. They had no kids, no mortgage, they were just dating. He regrets it to this day, because guess what, she dumped him for somebody else. Don’t make that mistake, your life matters so bloody much. Do not put it on hold for anybody or anything!

Categories
Relationships

Make Him Regret Losing You

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In this video I discuss healthy ways to make your ex guy regret losing you.

There is nothing worse than discovering that your fiancé, or hubby, or boyfriend has straight up gone and left your life like you didn’t exist.

This is NOT healthy behaviour and most likely the doing of the following personality traits;

A Cheater – cheaters are my pet hate. I loathe these types with a passion. These dishonest and disgraceful human beings have no remorse. Why would they? They’ve been sleeping with other women behind your back and lying to your face saying how much they loved you! So why else would they care about leaving you like you mean nothing to them? Sad reality is, you never were!

Narcissists – urgh, the dreaded Narc is the king of entitlement. Everything is his way, and that goes for people. You were his toy. His object. His supply. And for whatever reason (sometimes NO reason) he’s got shiny object syndrome and is straight onto his new toy, aka his new squeeze. These types have no remorse, no regrets, no empathy, nothing. You never mattered to them to begin with. I know that’s hard to understand, but the truth hurts.

Psychopaths/borderlines – ouch. I’m no Dr, but these guys straight up don’t know anything normal and healthy. So if you’ve been dumped unharmed by one of these dudes, count your lucky stars it was just a dumping. There is a deeper and much darker sides to people like this, so thank god they’ve left.

At the end of the day, no woman wants to be Carrie from Sex and the City, who got dumped on a post it note on her fridge.

NOBODY.

But in modern times that could be a whatsapp, a snapchat, a facebook, a direct message.

“Its over, sorry.”

Ok fine, its over. No explanation, or even if you got one it’s probably lame. He’s packed his bags, or you have packed yours you have gone.

What you going to do about it?

CRY YOUR BLOODY EYES OUT!

You MAY or MAY NOT receive closure from such an individual, but that doesn’t mean you cannot create your own closure for yourself.

We must go back to centre, and heal ourselves from trauma and emotional wounds.

Not doing so will set you up for the most almighty of crashes emotionally. You can be shopping in Walmart and BOOM!

PTSD knocks you to your knees and you are crying, and have no idea why.

Remember we want to make the ex-boyfriend REGRET losing you.

Not feel good about it.

Every circumstance is different but let’s assume you were the perfect partner.

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You did the following;

  • You were loyal
  • You were loving
  • You were kind
  • You cooked for him
  • You helped him in times of need
  • You were easy going
  • You were sympathetic

I’m going to assume you were not a cheater, and so on but a good person. That’s very important of course.

So what do you do?

Well assuming you’ve gone from the stage of grief, and remorse of the relationship ending, now it is time to heal but also make them regret.

Your friends will advise you poorly;

“Have a rebound, have fun!”

“Show off your new jewellery!”

“Forget men, its girls all you need!”

Wrong, my methods are healthy and will work in your favour.

Stop stalking him.

I know its hard, but trust me, you gotta do it!

That’s everything, all his social media, his whatsapp picture the whole lot. You got to stop doing it right now!

And for the love of god, please stop going by his house. What are you hoping to see?

You are acting crazy, and you are not crazy! They are for leaving you?

If he catches you stalking him in anyway, you will look like a fool, and we don’t want that.

Do not block him, unless he has been abusive or aggressive towards you in any shape or form. Let him see you which leads onto my next point.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!

No facebook, no email, no text. Go no contact and even if he does reach out, stay no contact.

Do not reply, nothing!

This person felt so little of you to leave, so he should and will regret you giving him the cold shoulder.

Keep any social media posts you make classy.

Again do not listen to friends “I don’t need a man.”

Just post about things you love, nature, makeup, fashion whatever!

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Don’t upload a video of yourself in a nightclub getting drunk.

KEEP IT CLASSY!

Take this opportunity to explore your options and date around.

NOT SLEEP AROUND, date.

Go out and meet new people.

This will eat your ex up inside if you do so. And especially if they find out through the grapevine you are dating again.

Lastly this is a key thing here and this may be difficult to understand:

Don’t play the victim.

It is extremely easy to sit there and feel sorry for yourself, and it will also make you feel better when others feel sympathetic toward your situation.

I get that, and that’s fine initially.

But if you dwell on it, for months or even years, well there is only going to be one guest at the pity party and that is you.

There is nothing more attractive than a person who goes through a hardship and comes out stronger, better and wiser.

Nobody likes the person who sits around moaning, feeling negative and living in the past full of regret and remorse.

Remember you WANT him to REGRET losing you.

If he hears you are so sad all the time and nothing without him, your ex will find that amusing and it will make him feel GOOD about himself.

We don’t want that we want to make you feel good and you will if you trust my methods.

Nothing I have suggested is spiteful, revengeful, and rude or hurts anybody.

They are simple psychological tricks to come out better in a very difficult situation.