How to Sort Out Relationship Problems
This post is about how to sort out relationship problems.
There are 7 things you really must know to help you sort out any relationship problems you may currently be going through.
Let us define what exactly is a relationship?
Well according to Google:
“the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.”
Most people have consumed too much social media and romantic comedies on Netflix etc to have any idea of what a relationship is.
And I will tell you, they are not easy!
Remember 50% of marriages end in divorce, and post pandemic has seen a record number of couples separating and breaking up.
Why does this happen?
How can they look so happy one moment and miserable the next?
Why are people giving up at the first sign of difficulty?
I can go on and on about this, but instead my realization on this topic is that people have no idea who they are dating or what to expect when they enter any type of relationships.
They cross their fingers and hope for the best, ignoring red flags and being very naïve themselves about what it truly means to have a good healthy relationship with somebody.
And for the record the advice in this post does not apply to the following people:
All Types of Cheaters
This post is for those who are finding themselves in a bit of a rough patch with their partner and cannot figure out a way to fix it.
First off, pat yourself on the back for taking the courage and maturity to realize something does not feel right and doing the research necessary to improve on your situation.
As I mentioned already most people do not like to deal with their problems and prefer to ignore them altogether which is extremely foolish.
I have done some research and spoken to some couples who are in good happy and healthy relationships on what truly is the right approach when it comes to sorting out their problems.
I believe I have covered almost all necessary angles, but if I have left your scenario out, I do apologise for this, and contact me to let me know what to include next time.
But understand that as much as I want our lives to be a Disney movie, it really is not but that doesn’t mean you cannot go back to a place of bliss and tranquillity with your partner.
Here are 7 ways to help you sort out your relationship problems:
#1 – Be More Consistent
You and your partner must improve your ability to be more consistent in your relationship together, otherwise you will only drift further apart from each other.
What do I mean by consistency especially in a relationship?
I am not telling you to wear the same outfit everyday and eat the same meal, but instead to be a consistent partner aka one that is there for the other person.
They are a person of their word, somebody who is not a flake, someone who is genuine and means what they say and follows it up with action.
So many people just talk and talk without no action whatsoever, however the consistent partner backs it up regardless!
They walk the walk, and not only talk the talk and back it up every time.
How does this sort out any relationship problems?
It makes you both realize you are there for each other again no matter what, especially if your relationship has felt especially strained recently.
You look at one another and know that regardless they will always show up, they will be there soon, and they are there for you.
An inconsistent partner creates drama, chaos, stress and is an utter waste of time.
#2 – Communication
A couple I know were so busy with their jobs that they never hardly spoke to each other in fact to the point that it was limited to only one day a week.
However, even just that one day a week of communication was enough to get their feelings, emotions, and opinions across to another.
How is it that a couple that speak openly to each other only one day a week communicate better than 99% of other couples?!
If you cannot talk to your partner, especially about what is bothering you or how you feel in your relationship you are only going to multiply your problems in the future.
Again, most people do not like to tackle their problems head on, they would rather ignore them to the point they grow and multiply to the point of chaos.
Please I am begging you, do not be these types of people!
I once laughed at a woman who used to schedule time in her diary to speak to her partner, it was twice a week and she always kept to her “appointments.”
But I realized they had one of the longest and happiest relationships ever, and because she was so busy with her career they would sit down over a cup of coffee and just talk.
It was amazingly simple yet so powerful and only brought them closer together.
You do not need to create a planner to speak to your spouse, but it would not hurt you to allocate consistently the time to speak to them openly and honestly on a regular basis.
#3 – Identify Dealbreakers
As I mentioned at the very beginning of this post, you will unfortunately never completely solve relationship problems if you are dating any form of toxic people.
Toxic people such as narcissists etc will destroy your life and ultimately your relationship with them and even your friends and family.
So, it is futile to assume you can make it work with them, I am sorry to tell you.
Of course, if you want to live a stressed out, negative and drama filled existence be my guest and I wish you the absolute best of luck, you are going to need it!
But when it comes to relationships healthy boundaries are a must.
Also, you must both identify what are the dealbreakers for your relationships.
Do not arrogantly assume you can do or say whatever you wish and that your partner will just be there for you no matter what.
That is naïve, immature and a ridiculous way to think.
Everybody has a breaking point.
Everybody has a line that should never be crossed.
Sit down with your partner and take some alone time as well to realize what are some of the relationship dealbreakers you both have and be realistic about them too.
Here are some examples of relationship dealbreakers:
Cheating of any kind
Swearing too much
Abuse of any kind
Playing mind games
Won’t commit to a future
Laziness and procrastination
No job or career prospects
Not offering any type of support
#4 – Insecurity
My father always used to say, “if you want to destroy a relationship of any kind, just start acting insecure towards them all the time.”
The old man was right, insecurity is a killer of relationships of all types these days, and because of social media and so on, it is on a meteoric rise.
So why does insecurity kill relationships?
It is simple, because ‘reassurance’ is what insecure people want most, and anyone can say reassuring things all the time.
Partners constantly have to offer reassurances that everything is “really okay” in the relationship even when it is not at all.
This is how insecurity can destroy a relationship.
Constant reassurance grows very tiresome, VERY quickly.
I remember dating a woman who was so insecure that just when I went to the bathroom quickly in a library of all places, she assumed I was being chatted up by women!
It can drive a real wedge between a couple to the point of frustration and anger of no return.
It is simple to fix this, if you are insecure about your partner or them you, you or they are not mature enough to be in this relationship and you must overcome this by having a very serious and open conversation once and for all.
#5 – Increase Intimacy
A couple I know personally used to be all over each other to the point where they were consistently known for the “public display of affection,” kind.
They were always holding hands, hugging, kissing and really in love.
But over time the following things happened:
They moved in together.
Then they got married.
Then they had a child.
When I last saw them, they hardly held hands anymore and looked very tired.
Life happened to them, but it does not mean you should ever stop being intimate with your partner at all.
Your intimacy is your private connection, it is what makes you both special to one another, it is what your relationship is bound on to a degree.
Make sure to start touching each other more frequently, hold hands regularly, kiss, hug, tickle each other and of course have sex.
Schedule regular date nights where you know you will not be interrupted and dress up nicely and make it as romantic as possible.
It does not matter if you have not been intimate in a long time, because at any moment you can be intimate at the drop of a hat!
#6 – Money
One of the biggest problems couples face is when it comes to money.
One partner spends a lot, while the other is more frugal.
Or one partner spends a fortune on themselves and not on their partner at all.
Or one partner contributes no money to bills, mortgage, rent etc.
You and your partner when it comes to finances 100% need to be on the same page with this, otherwise you will only tear each other further apart.
Here are some ways to solve your money problems in your relationship:
- Discuss mutual financial goals and morals
- Create a plan for your goals
- Create a budget system that works best for you both
- Have regular talks about finances
- Remain calm and positive throughout
There is only two guarantees in life, death and taxes, and if your partner is not on the same page with you about your finances, you are going to need to have a serious think about your future with them.
#7 – Have Same Goals
At the very beginning of this post I was rather harsh in my assessment that most people do not think at all when it comes to relationships.
They ignore the red flags etc and settle for whatever they can get.
And with this, people are not on the same page aka not on the same team when it comes to morals, goals, and desires.
If you wish to get married but your partner from the beginning said they do not wish to marry, you are very naive to think they will change their mind.
Almost from the start you are already on a different wavelength.
Sure, some people change their minds over time, but that is not the point in a relationship!
You need to be on the same page, have the same type of ideals, know exactly what each other want as well.
Otherwise you will be disagreeing with almost everything moving forward.
Do not expect somebody to change.
Sit down and discuss your goals and desires with your partner, be honest, open and do not be afraid to speak your mind.
You have every right to your opinion regardless of what they think or say, and if they do not agree with your goals you need to once again have a very long hard and serious think about your future with this partner.
Relationships are team efforts, and the greatest and happiest and most healthy ones are those who know what they want, agree, and hold hands and drive off into the sunset in pursuit of their desires.