In Episode #15 of The Lockdown Show Podcast I am joined by the brilliant author and philosophy professor William B. Irvine to discuss in detail exactly “how to live a good life.”
Want some amazing facts that will literally blow your mind?
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Celebrities around the globe mock the world with a rendition of a truly awful song.
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There has never been a better time in recent history to enjoy being a loner or spending more time alone more.
Now I am not saying become a recluse, and for those who don’t know what a recluse is let me give you the definition;
“Recluse; a person who lives a solitary life and tends to avoid other people.”
Let me be perfectly clear, loners/introverts/people who like to be alone are NOT recluses.
The reason why being alone is actually a very powerful personality trait is backed by scientific research and extensive social studies.
Remember the key word there people who “like” to be alone.
Those who of course feel lonely or depressed being by themselves is a whole different subject matter.
When I was young I was constantly forced to socialize, and be “a people’s person.”
What does that even mean “people person?”
Let’s see if I can give a fair definition for that too; “a person who enjoys or is particularly good at interacting with others.”
Well that is true to a degree, I am good at interacting with people from all walks of life.
In fact I never belonged to just one group or click in my school or college days.
Yes there were segregated groups, the jocks, the nerds, the hot girls, etc etc.
But the funny thing was I socialized with them all!
I guess the one trait I had above all was my ability like a chameleon to mould myself in a way to communicate well with all different types of people.
However in my late teens and early twenties this made me addicted to socializing.
Sitting at home and just being alone was something I had always feared.
There was a buddy I knew who was a successful, good looking and all round cool guy that I used to go out with often.
Yet what he told me once stuck with me for many years, and he said it when I asked him why he always went out and hardly stayed home alone.
He replied in a very chilling manner “if I stay home, alone with my thoughts, think of all my mistakes then I will curl up into a big ball, cry my eyes out and want to die.”
This had a huge impact on me, in fact I was 19 at the time and I said to myself “under no circumstances do I want to be like this guy!”
So I spent most of my twenties out, always.
Sometimes I would be out for almost 6 days on the trot.
It didn’t matter where I was, I just couldn’t be alone with my thoughts, and I didn’t want to be like that guy.
I feared if I was alone that I’d be missing out, and I’d be depressed or a loser.
I also feared that I would think about all the things that had gone wrong in my life and turn into a complete bloody victim – not pretty.
Naturally as I was getting older I became more and more tired from constantly socializing.
I was out at bars, clubs, people’s houses, shisha cafes, you name it and for most of the week!
And the people I befriended were like me, miserable to be alone, and desperate for any type of company or interaction!
Then Sundays were usually my alone days that I’d spend by myself.
What would I do?
I would curl up into a big ball and start crying or feeling incredibly depressed, just like that other guy.
I would dwell on all the negative things and the stupid mistakes I’d made, and I was just desperate for the week to start again!
I was desperate to start work again so I could take my mind off things and so I can come home shower and be out!
It didn’t matter where I was or where I went, I just wanted to be out and about!
By my late 20s and when I started having serious relationships I slowed down massively.
My addiction to socializing came to an almighty halt, and I realized that most of my past “friendships” were all superficial.
They were all friends who liked to drink, party or smoke more than just be my friend.
I’m not hating on them at all, but friends come and go, and when you start to improve and change yourself you suddenly realize what you need and don’t need.
And the more alone time I spent in a social context, the more I realized “hey this isn’t so bad!”
I started pushing the boundaries even more, to thinks I once found to be sad or lame;
- I went shopping alone
- I went out to dinner alone
- I went out to a bar alone
- I went out to a cafe alone
- I worked for myself alone
In fact I have become a happier and more peaceful person as a result.
The stigma of being alone making you a bad person and loving your own company deemed as pathetic or sad couldn’t be further from the truth.
And after doing some research I have found that most loners (again people who love their own company) actually possess some very special personality traits.
I wasn’t surprised at all to discover this as I have first-hand experienced this myself and delighted to have done so!
Loners value their time so much more because they know what they enjoy and what they don’t. Time is your most precious commodity and the most valuable too. A happy loner knows what is worth pursuing and spending their time on and what definitely isn’t.
Being self-aware of your actions and behaviour is one of the most powerful traits to self-improvement. Without the noise and disruption of others constantly in my ear and taking on their drama I have managed to beat addictions, make difficult decisions and improve as a human being by being in touch with who I truly am and aware of my flaws and mistakes.
3. Level Headed
Being happy alone allows you to be the most calm and sensible version of yourself. You only have you to disappoint nobody else. You can use this trait in your future or current relationships, because it will help you when those inevitable tough and difficult scenarios manifest in your life.
4. Open Minded
Another false stigma thrown around by people is that loners are just boring stick in the mud’s set in their own ways. I have been to and experienced more things in and out of my relationship because loners like to try and question things. If you constantly listen to the blabber of others telling you “this place is good, or bad” you fail to have time to make your own judgement. Not me, I am always trying to expand my horizons and its made life even better.
Loners have the most incredible boundaries because they know what they will and won’t tolerate. A loner doesn’t fear missing out or standing up for themselves because they are happy in their own skin and don’t rely on others or things to make them feel whole as a person.
6. Own Self Critic
A loner is perfectly in touch with their imperfections and their weaknesses, so much so they work hard to improve it. So when someone comes along and calls a loner fat or whatever the loner already knows if they are or not. They don’t need to listen or value what others say as they know their worth.
7. Very Understanding
Loners are the most understanding people and can show incredible empathy to those who are suffering as they themselves normally suffer in silence and on their own, and become stronger and better people as a result. It is incorrect to just call them selfish and in their own world.
8. Trust Their Gut
Loners trust their gut and instinct better than anybody else. They know whether they should or shouldn’t do something and 9 times out of 10 they do it. Answering to yourself who always has your best interest at heart is a pretty powerful trait to possess.
9. Hardly Co-dependent
One of the most attractive qualities to have in a relationship is the ability to give and have your own space. All my previous relationships (my exes) loved how I was comfortable to do my own thing, and to a man that is a really powerful trait to possess in maintaining mystery and attraction.
10. Kind & Loving
Loners are some of the kindest and loving people you’d meet. Because they value the brief and rare interactions they have more. They have time to listen and to help more because they are won’t see that person as often. Again another wrong stigma that they are cold or distant people.
Nobody is braver than the person who is willing to walk away from drama, toxicity and face the music alone. Loners are courageous and brave individuals carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
One of the biggest and most regular pieces of advice given by self-help gurus and coaches is “love yourself.” You will never see a person love themselves more than the loner who likes to be alone. In a world full of trials and tribulations possessing an abundance of self-love and acceptance is an truly amazing personality trait.
So that is why my loner friends out there you are very special indeed!