Categories
Relationships

Watch This Before You Get Married

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Before you get married, you need to watch this very important video.

There is an Aesop Fable that I will paraphrase for you which can be used to describe most relationships that were not given enough thought.

A monkey was wondering through the jungle when he noticed a beautiful tree across a stream carrying the ripest fruits he had ever seen!

Starving and delighted by what he saw the monkey then looked down at the water.

It appeared quite deep in the middle, but he had more than enough strength to make it across.

So as it got ready to swim a very dangerous looking scorpion approached the monkey.

“Argh!” shouted the monkey, “please don’t sting me!?”

“Sting you?!” replied the scorpion, “my goodness I wouldn’t want to do that….”

“Well what you want from me?” asked the monkey.

And with that the scorpion explained how it longed to be on the other side of the stream too, and noticed the monkey was going to swim across to get there.

“Is there any chance you can let me ride along your back as I come with you?” asked the scorpion.

The monkey however was apprehensive, “but you are a scorpion, you will sting me, and if I am poisoned I will drown!”

“But so will I!” insisted the scorpion, “so what benefit is it if I sting you? I can’t swim either! Please let me come with you too!”

After some thought the monkey agreed to take the insect along with him across the stream.

And as he swam he noticed the water to be a lot rougher and deeper the further he got across.

However the two were laughing, joking and discussing all the wonderful activities they would get up to on the other side.

But suddenly the monkey felt a large piercing sting in the middle of his back, like a knife had stabbed him in the back.

Disorientated, and feeling sick from the poison running through his veins, he became weaker as his swimming strokes begun to slow down right in the middle of the stream.

He slowly turned his head around as he was about to drown and asked, “why...why did you sting me…now were going to die….”

And with little choice in his response, the scorpion replied “because I am a scorpion.”

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Now you can interpret that story however you like, but if you marry a scorpion expect to get stung.

Let’s look at some divorce statistics as in the UK alone;

The latest divorce figures, revealed the divorce rate for heterosexual couples in the UK dropped dramatically in 2019 with 90,871 divorces of heterosexual couples in England and Wales compared with 101,669 divorces in 2018.

According to the Office for National Statistics, there were 7.5 divorces of opposite sex couples per 1,000 married men and women in 2019, representing the lowest rates since 1971 and a 10.6 per cent decrease since 2018.

Experts said this could be down to the fact that fewer couples are choosing to get married.

On a personal level I have been to three weddings in the last three years.

All different backgrounds, age groups, and people.

All are in the process of getting divorced.

Fundamentally getting married to somebody is such an enormous step in a relationship that people get mesmerized by the glitz wedding, and are not really focused on the decision they are making.

Let’s say you are in an unhappy relationship or are confused about your future with your partner in the early stages.

Here is how it normally goes:

Let’s begin with you are just dating, people often say to themselves “it will get better when we move in together.”

Then after you move in, “it will get better when we are engaged.”

“It will be better when we buy our own place.”

“It will be better when we are married.”

“It will be better when we have kids.”

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Now although this is a specific example let me make things clear:

If there are problems in the early stages, the more you take on the more stress you will take on too.

Mortgages, bills, childcare, work, stress, meddling in laws, are just some of the added problems you will encounter.

But let’s use the alternative example like you are happy from day one, and I hope you are.

Unfortunately Disney movies and the media have given us the wrong impression of what to actually expect from a marriage.

I will give you some advice of what to do and how to think before you tie the knot, or even think about doing so:

1. Your partner is not the solution to all your problems

Getting married will not fix your addictions, insecurities or complete you as a person. Only YOU can do so, and thinking the other person will do so is a major co-dependency issue you must fix ASAP!

2. What are your expectations?

Are you expecting to be treated like Royalty? Do you think your partner is going to be your new mother/father? Be realistic, you can’t act single and go out on the town anymore, you have responsibilities if you decide to get hitched!

3. You won’t be “in Love” all the time

There will be difficult moments and days, where you are both moody and sick of each other. This is inevitable. It will not be one long romantic song and dance throughout the whole marriage. Sorry Disney fans.

4. Your Partner’s Family

When you marry somebody you marry INTO their family. Now you can of course create healthy boundaries and insist on space, but if these people are toxic or vice versa your spouse needs to know and it could very much be a deal breaker for your future relationship.

5. Your partner’s finances.

Is your partner bad with money? Are they an over-spender? A gambler? You are going to need to work as a team, and if they are not responsible financially, or if you aren’t either, you are going to be in for one hell of a bumpy ride!

6. Expect to argue and resolve it

Again, it’s not going to be one long beautiful song and dance. You will annoy each other and fight, but you must understand the bigger picture and realize that deep down you both love one another and want what is best for the marriage. Don’t be bitter, instead be quick to kiss and make up after giving each other space.

7. Trust

You must discuss what a breach of trust is, and vow to stick to it. Lying, hiding things, secrets, cheating, whatever they are, discuss them, write them down and also talk about what the consequences are for breaking the other persons trust.

8. Don’t quit so easily

People have very superficial relationships where it’s all lovely, and everything is great. But soon as there is a problem they are out in a flash. Do not do this in your marriage. Please! Do not quit, work hard to sort your issues out.

9. Express love and date

Date your spouse once or twice a month. Go to the cinema, buy flowers, out to dinner, whatever it takes! Romance should never die, and even a little gift or a card can go a very long way!

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Categories
Dating

How To Handle Rejection

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Here are some of the most recent rejections I have received in my life in the past few months;

“Hi SCG, I just wanted to say thank you for yesterday, I had a really lovely evening.

I am going to be honest with you though…

You are a really great guy and have a lot to offer, but things moved pretty quick for me and to tell you the truth I am just not ready for that level of commitment yet.

I think we’re are going to have to give our upcoming date a miss as I don’t want to give you false hope.”

Here is another:

“Thanks SCG for your email and information.

I have forwarded your details onto the team and unfortunately they have come back to say that they don’t have any opportunities for you. 

We wish you luck in your search.

I can confirm that we have not registered your details on our files.

­­­Thank you!”

And one more for the road;

“Hey thanks so much what you are offering is fantastic!

However I know I said I wanted to work with you, but I have decided that I will be moving onto something different.

Sorry good luck!”

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Unless you have never taken any form of risk in your life, you have most likely received some form of rejection.

Either romantic rejection by a spouse or someone you are dating, or even possibly a stranger you built up the courage to talk to.

Or maybe you are desperate for a certain career change or job, and recruiters or employers won’t even give you the time of day.

And of course for those who are self-employed where that a particular client or customer who looked to be the real deal, and promised you everything only to go to your most bitter rival or competitor.

Rejection is a part of life.

Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times.

Michael Jordan missed 9,000 shots.

Let me give you a personal example of rejection with dating and relationships.

When I was back in high school I was a horny bugger, and I fancied all the women.

I was also rejected by all the women, but here’s the kicker I didn’t care.

I saw it as “well were never going to be together after school, so I might as well ask them out.”

I am safe to say I have no romantic regrets because I have always been brave enough when I like a woman to ask her out.

If she rejects me yes it hurts, its gut wrenching, and it feels like being shot.

However in the LONG RUN what is worse is having never asked them out to begin with.

There is a fantastic mantra that I have always lived by:

“If you do what is easy your life will be hard. If you do what is hard your life will be easy.”

Here is another quote “you miss the shots you do not take.”

What have you got to lose and why do we fear rejection so much?

Some of the largest companies and their CEO’s in the world were rejected by teachers, and their bosses, families you name it!

Nobody saw the potential of some of the biggest brands in the world, and yet now there they are worth Billions of dollars albeit starting out in a garage or someone’s bedroom.

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How I have always handled rejection in any capacity is that I realized (and you can resonate with this as you become older) is that life has a funny way of getting you what you want.

I always wanted a girlfriend to take to Disneyland and watch the fireworks with her in my arms.

Yes it’s a bit of a specific weird fantasy and for years I never got to do so.

But because I never gave up and as time went on I went to Disney a few times with my ex and got to experience the very thing my heart set out for.

Let’s get metaphysical for a second, what you think about you will attract.

But it will not be the way you think, and not in the manner you think either.

What you must do with rejection is see it as the temporary road block in your life’s marathon.

Life is a wonderful and often treacherous journey and if you are not prepared you will get blindsided.

It is easy for me at 15 when I first asked a girl out and got rejected to just say “well that’s it, I will curl up into a ball and never ask women out again!”

Giving up is the easy option, and remember by doing what is easy your life will be hard.

So I would easily have gone on without ever going out with a woman, and never dating nothing.

OR I could say this was ONE person, ONE opportunity, on a planet where there are billions of people.

BILLIONS!

What a tiny grain of sand I am in retrospect of the universe let alone planet earth.

Why should I be concerned by the fact this woman is not into me romantically?

Or that this company doesn’t want to do business with me?

Or this employer doesn’t want to hire me?

Let me tell you something if you do the following after a rejection;

  • See it as a blessing, the universe wants something different and better for you (I swear!)
  • Dust yourself off and realize unlike entitled people the world owes you nothing which leads to my next point
  • Be grateful for what you have and you will live in abundance
  • Improve on where you think you can, not where others believe so

With access to the internet you can learn how to improve almost any aspect of your life.

From dating, to grooming, to even how to play the guitar!

I self-taught myself the guitar, and let me tell you it certainly makes me very attractive to women.

Ultimately handling rejection is easy, if you are mature enough to understand that in the long term this was not right for you.

In a decades time if you carried on and didn’t give up and still persisted with your goals, desires and improved yourself you will be amazed where you are.

You won’t even remember the people or things that rejected you as you would have changed for the better a great deal.

See it as motivation and inspiration to improve.

Those who improve, work hard and never give up and eat rejection for breakfast.

You probably failed a handful of times, but Edison failed 10,000 and he still never gave up.

Be an Edison, be a Jordan, toughen up!

You’ve got this!

Categories
Dating

How To Get Your EX Back

In this video you will learn the best possible way to get your ex back into your life.

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So you lost your partner, be it a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife whatever.

Firstly I am sorry for what you are going through.

However break ups are one of life’s most difficult yet most important lessons.

“A breakup is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave than risk hurting yourself trying to pick up all of the broken pieces.”

“If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, then it is time to let them go, no matter how much you love them.”

“If you really love someone, set them free.”

I am sure you are sick and tired of reading motivational quotes and having people hug you constantly telling you “everything is going to be ok!”

And I am sure you are also fed up of talking about the break up, and reminiscing about your past relationship, aka where it went wrong, what you could have done differently etc.

Frankly that is a massive waste of time and energy.

I’m going to assume you have been dumped, have been cheated on and your partner has left you.

Let’s quickly deal with the closure “I am sorry for what has happened to you, and rest assured there are plenty of fish in the sea.”

But what if they were the one?

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What if your ex was the most incredible person, and you only saw a future with them, and them alone?

What if they were the only one to truly understand you and your weird ways?

What if they were the most perfect person to settle down with and they came from an amazing background or family?

Well I know what you want, and that is obvious because otherwise you would not be reading this post.

You want your ex back!

You hang on to the hope that there is a magic formula or answer to do so.

Well actually there is but let me ask you a question:

Why do you want your ex back?

Think about it, unless there is a legitimate reason they left you such as:

You cheated on them

You lied to them

You abused them

You were violent to them

You were emotionally immature

You were selfish

You were disrespectful

You didn’t keep your promises

You were lazy

You lacked ambition

You were not on the same path

Assuming none of the above applies to you let me ask you the question slightly differently:

Why exactly do you want to get back with your ex?

I mean if you were good to them and so on, yet however they didn’t really value you the same way why would you want them back?

Let me tell you what this does.

Asking or begging for somebody to be with you who is unsure or not feeling the same way is simply the worst thing ever when it comes to relationships.

Flaky people or people who can’t seem to act like adults when it comes to relationships are not good long term partners.

It doesn’t really matter how good the sex was, or how much you both loved Game of Thrones, the fact of the matter does not change, and that is they were not on the same page as you.

They probably didn’t want to go to that next level, you were asking for them to move in, or you were about to propose.

Or for you long term people your marriage lost its spark and amazing attraction it once had.

All relationships come to an end one way or another, I mean not to be morbid you both won’t live together, so one of you will die (god forbid not soon), and there’s no bringing them back from the dead now is there?

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Let’s say you’ve begged your ex back, guess what that is going to do = cause stress and anxiety beyond belief.

You know they’ve left you before, probably at a drop of a hat too, there is no stopping them doing it again.

A leopard never changes their spots, and that applies to your ex for sure.

So there you are over the moon you begged for them back, you cried, you threatened to harm yourself and guilt tripped them back into your arms.

But you watch their every move, you become so insecure, you are completely petrified knowing “oh no, they can leave me ANY TIME!”

Because by this approach it is not the right way to restart attraction!

Frank Sinatra said it best, “the best revenge is massive success.”

If you want your ex back, the key here get on with your life.

Now I am not telling you to sit on your ass and get fat, you may do that in the early mourning period as your grieve the loss of your relationship.

However, it is important to NOT under ANY circumstance CONTACT YOUR EX.

Remain a mystery, accept what has happened and remain silent.

Giving your ex space will trigger mystery, and throughout the course of mankind, mystery has always been sexy.

So your ex despite leaving you WILL think about you:

“I wonder what they are up to…”

“I wonder what they are doing…”

“I wonder if they’ve replaced me…”

By going no contact you create that mystery and it will work in your favour, but also take this opportunity to work on your self-improvement.

Why would you want to get fat, become lazy and a recluse?

You have ONE life and it is time to make sure you do what you can to make the best out of it.

A break up is a terrific motivation to keep yourself busy by:

Starting a new hobby

Starting a new business

Starting a new fitness program

Starting a new social circle of friends

Starting a new philosophy of life

I have made the most money and become the best version of myself throughout my life after rejections and breakups.

And if and WHEN your ex does reach out to you, just be cool and chilled.

Say like “I’m doing really well, and you?” if they ask what you been up to.

You do not want to be bitter, and you do not want to rush back into a relationship straight away.

Be patient, love takes time, there is absolutely no rush at all.

And if you follow these tips I guarantee you will meet them again for a coffee or a drink and they will see and hear all the wonderful things you’ve been up to.

But remember you are not improving your life to get them back, you are doing it for yourself.

You will immediately become a more attractive person, and you will even consider your options.

I remember being sat opposite an ex that rejected me and in the time we spent apart she ending up becoming addicted to drugs, and I got into the best shape of my life!

I would not be surprised by the time you see them again that you no longer want to date them again!

There are better people who will love and respect you for how you are, and the right ones do not leave or disrespect you in any kind.

Trust me on this, you may not see it now but with time being a healer, you will get there!

Good luck!

Categories
Movies

SCG SHOW Reviews: Star Wars Episode IX The Rise of Skywalker

In this video fresh from the cinema SCG explains several reasons why Star Wars Episode IX The Rise of Skywalker is AWESOME!

WARNING THIS REVIEW CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS!

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The Rise of Skywalker from a very biased and one sided Star Wars fans view in my opinion was bloody awesome!

It surprises me how poorly it has done on Rotten Tomatoes, but then again these same “critics” raved about The Last Jedi, which I didn’t like at all!

Never the less here is a summary of the plot in case you didn’t know:

“When it’s discovered that the evil Emperor Palpatine did not die at the hands of Darth Vader, the rebels must race against the clock to find out his whereabouts. Finn and Poe lead the Resistance to put a stop to the First Order’s plans to form a new Empire, while Rey anticipates her inevitable confrontation with Kylo Ren.”

From here on out I will be giving away MASSIVE spoilers, so do not read anymore if you wish to avoid this.

Ok last chance….

Here we go!

These are the reasons I personally believe The Rise of Skywalker was nothing short of awesome!

John Williams score is stunning – It really couldn’t be Star Wars without this man now could it? John Williams IS Star Wars! And he bring his magic to the film with call-backs to Empire, and the other films in moments that just hit you right in the feels. Not to mention the legendary composer also makes a cameo! I love John, and seeing as this is the last ever Star Wars movie he will be composing for, it is really quite emotional to be bidding him farewell.

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Palpatine is still alive – Emperor Palpatine is a badass with the force. He does force lightning, he can create life, he turned Anakin to the dark side, almost defeated Yoda, and he is extremely powerful. As menacing as Vader was to me as a child, Palpatine was purely terrifying. Bringing him back sure has its plot holes, however it’s great to see the character alive and as frightening as ever. God I love me some Palpy I do!

Rey using force lightning – As we discover Rey is the granddaughter of Palpatine which is a great story arc in itself because it explains just how and why she is so powerful. So when she loses her cool as she tries to prevent a transporter from taking Chewbacca away with her force powers, she screams with rage and lightning shoots out of her fingertips blowing the cruiser to smithereens! She also believes she has killed Chewbacca in the process too. A great and powerful scene, and I loved it!

General Leia – With the passing of Carrie Fisher I found it absolutely amazing how they managed to have unused footage to place into the movie as if she was still there. It was incredibly emotional watching her as Leia again knowing she is sadly no longer with us. Rest in peace princess, you were excellent in this movie.

Lando returns – Whether you found it cheesy or not, it was sure as heck fun seeing Lando back in a Star Wars movie, and nonetheless even piloting the Millennium Falcon again in the final battle. Yes he was very old, and not in the plot much but its fan service, and I’m a sucker for it!

Kylo Ren – Adam Driver who I had never heard of before this movie you could argue was the best character and actor throughout the entire sequel trilogy. His demeanor in the film and his eventual switch to the light was terrific. I recently saw Adam in “Marriage Story” on Netflix and he blew me away. The guy is an amazing actor and I have a real love for Kylo Ren as a character. He is up there with Vader for me, so iconic and if I was to ever do cosplay, I know who I will want to be!

Po Dameron – Po was treated dreadfully in The Last Jedi as a whiny, arrogant annoying character, yet in this movie we see exactly what he was originally meant to be, a hero. Po Dameron leads the resistance fleet after Leia’s death, and I got to say Oscar Isaacs is a great actor, and I really warmed to the character more. It was also his idea to send messages out across the galaxy for help against the final order, which I thought was really cool.

Babu Frik – Move over baby Yoda, there is a new character in town, Babu Frik. Not much to say about this adorable little chap other than the fact he was hilarious, so cute and I just need more of him in my life. In fact I and my friends have been obsessed with him since the movie!

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Fleet of Star Destroyers – The Final Order and the fleet of Star Destroyers was nothing short of epic to see on the big screen! Not to mention they all now had the potential to take down a planet if need be with the same power and technology of the Death Star built into their armory. Amazing!

Dark Rey – It was a nice call back to Empire when Rey confronts Dark Rey in the Death Star ruins. She looked really cool, and it was a nice touch by JJ Abrams. I like seeing Jedi either turn to the dark-side or see what could be if they were to turn, so this was a good idea to include it in the movie, especially her fighting herself too.

Han Solo’s Return – Now obviously Han couldn’t be a force ghost, but his return to ultimately allow Ben Solo to return and Kylo Ren to die was really touching. I love their relationship and you can see that Han Solo was probably not the best parent, yet he loved his son. And of course it was the same dialogue that Ben used in the Force Awakens when he stabbed his father with his lightsabre instead he chucks it into the ocean. A really touching scene.

Luke Skywalker – Redemption for Luke for how dreadfully he was portrayed in The Last Jedi. Luke is also for the first time in all the movies a force ghost too. He is happier, wiser, and more at peace in this movie. And again it’s a call back to Empire when he lifts his X-Wing out of the water, something he previously called impossible to his Master Yoda.

The Final Battle – From Rey and Ben Solo taking on Palpatine, to the resistance fleet taking on the Final Order, it was visually stunning, epic and just a great conclusion! It’s not a Star Wars movie for me without a huge battle of course, and Abrams is a master at special effects for sure.

Final Verdict – All in all, due to being so disappointed by The Last Jedi, this movie was so much better in so many ways. Whilst it does of course have its plot holes and question marks, I still thought it was terrific.

I give it an 8 out of 10 and a solid conclusion to the sequel trilogy. 

Categories
Narcissism

How To Leave A Narcissist

This video explains the first step in leaving the Narcissist in your life.

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One of the biggest mistakes people often make, is that they fall head over heels into marriages or relationships with Narcissists.

Narcissism is on an unbelievable rise globally, with more and more divorces, stories of abuse, cheating and downright crazy behaviour in society from people with relatively “normal” backgrounds.

Unlike other psychological conditions e.g. schizophrenia, psychopaths etc, Narcissism is a little bit of a grey area.

There are many reasons why a Narcissist is created in a person. Remember nobody is BORN that way. They are manipulated and created.

Spoiled and entitled children often make grade A Narcissists in adult life, as Mom and Dad told them just how amazing they were and they always got everything they wanted.

I will focus on this particular type of Narcissist as it is one I have most “experience with.”

Look at the entitled child, he or she cries, screams, moans, hits, is rude, disrespectful and what happens?

Regardless they always get their shiny toy.

This child becomes a teenager and wants the latest phone, she may not throw a tantrum to that of a child but she will always get her new shiny phone.

Then it becomes a car.

Then money.

Then an apartment or a home.

Then a partner who will do everything they want because remember they think they are “perfect.”

Dreadful parenting is a massive cause of entitlement.

Rather than instilling discipline and letting a child understand “no means no,” they create little monsters.

These monsters go out into society and see where they can get more of what they don’t deserve.

A classic red flag of a Narcissist is to see how they treat a waiter in a restaurant.

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If they are rude, disrespectful to a person who they believe is beneath them, you are probably sitting right opposite a monster.

The better parent teaches gratitude, respect and boundaries with children. Lazy parents throw money at the situation to avoid the drama.

But that drama escalates and grows like a Tornado into adult life, and what is born is ugly beyond repair.

Empathetic people are victims of Narcissists, and have been throughout the course of modern society.

Empaths don’t understand what happens when a Narcissist is upset because they try to get into the mind-set of that person.

But empaths are kind, warm, understanding and have sympathy.

Narcs have no empathy. Why should they? They crap all over people and still “always get their way.”

Ouch, thats an awful line that, god I heard it so many times before, its such an ugly statement.

Who is entitled to “their way?” Adult spoiled babies that’s who.

But how do you leave a narcissist? Chances are you are reading this I have some bad news for you:

You are probably dealing with one.

But what is never discussed is the first step into leaving a Narcissist, and I figured it out by accident months before I did so myself.

The first step in leaving a narc, is realizing you are with one.

Once you do so, you will strangely breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Narcissists are predictable, they act the same, they do the same, and they are creatures of habit.

And when you see “no empathy, disrespectful, no boundaries, entitled,” and all the other red flags you will finally realize:

“I am with a Narcissist”

Perfect! I mean that, because now you can work on your escape.

So once you are 100% sure you are with one (trust your gut here, you are likely right that they are one), it’s time to work on what is needed.

You will need to plan your divorce.

You will need to find a new place to live.

You need to find a new job.

Walking away suddenly and leaving seems tempting, but if you do so you will be piecing back together your life in a much disorganized manner.

Plan everything. Seek advice, but do not discuss this with the narcissist, EVER.

Remember when you leave, you will be going no contact, and cutting them off.

Because guess what;

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If you do not do so, they will do that to you.

The end is inevitable.

Narcs have no empathy, no remorse.

It’s why they have affairs and cheat.

But you can beat them to it, and that’s by planning your exit, and leaving with your dignity and pride.

You’ll have everything planned, and you can go on to a better and healthier life.

But remember that very first step, and that’s realizing you are with a Narcissist!

That is the key, and when that has been decided, it’s time to save your bloody life!

I consumed privately hours of content, read books and spoke to a therapist.

I highlighted all of the behaviour as I wanted to be 100% sure that I was with a Narc.

And the more I stood up for myself, the more I realized how bad and toxic Narcissists can be.

There is no talking, no explaining, no good that can come of it.

Simply put you and me and all other regular folk and professionally not trained to deal with such people.

Even therapists mention they are some of the hardest patients to treat, because remember they feel like they never do anything wrong.

It may be a gut wrenching truly awful discovery to find you are with such a toxic individual.

But it also means now is the time to plan your exit.

Luckily for me, and I mean lucky, my Narc ex was so rude and disrespectful toward me that I asked her to leave our home.

By that stage I had planned a new place to live, she was going home to her family and all was sorted.

I was weeks away from proposing, and I financially and spiritually dodged an almighty bullet.

You can too, but for god’s sake plan it.

Seek legal advice, talk to close family members and friends. Chances are they have been wanting to say you are dating the wrong person for years and they haven’t had the opportunity until now.

Keep things quiet, do it subtly from the Narcissist, it will only make things worse.

Do not feel guilty about it either, because you will need to leave eventually anyway, you might as well start today.