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Motivation Narcissism Self Improvement

How to Walk Alone with Confidence

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How to Walk Alone with Confidence

This post is about how to walk alone with confidence.

Walking alone and with confidence is not easy, and I have 5 simple things you must understand if you wish to do this successfully.

Walking alone is never easy in life:

Whether you are walking away from your job

Walking away from your career

Walking away from your relationship

Walking away from your friends

Walking away from your marriage

Walking away from your home

Walking away from your family

I was taught from an incredibly young age that if something or somebody is not good enough for you or is causing you harm, the best thing to do is not fight back, but to walk away.

In fact, my grandfather was the one who taught me this very lesson, he said:

“Walk away from whatever is not good for you.”

Why do people not do this more often?

Why do people stay in toxic relationships?

Why do people tolerate abuse and bullying?

Why do people stay in their comfort zones?

Because it is exactly that, they choose comfort, familiarity, and everything they already know, rather than the unknown.

The fear of the unknown is what keeps people in jobs they hate, cities they despise, and relationships with people they no longer love.

Most people lack the confidence and the curiosity to realize they deserve better.

The average person will stay in a relationship, job, or tolerate the abuse of other people because they genuinely believe there is no other solution.

I am dead serious about this!

They have convinced themselves this is it for their lives, and it is better to just accept it rather than take the risk and see what is out there for them.

I have successfully walked away from jobs, family, friends, and toxic relationships and I am here to assure you and promise you that better is out there.

YES, the grass is greener!

YES, you can and will achieve better!

I will teach you how to walk alone with confidence too in these five simple steps:

#1 – Accept the Seasons of Life

When you decide to walk alone whether from a relationship or just for a sustained period, understand that you are now entering into a new season of life.

What do I mean by season of life?

Like the summer and winter, we have seasons of the year, and in terms of your life this will now be the season of walking alone.

Please note this is NOT the season of LONELINESS.

This is the season of walking alone.

There is a particularly good possibility you are reading this post because just like how I once felt too you are utterly fed up with your current situation.

You have most likely consumed a great deal of content or are just starting out on what to do and how to think when it is time to make that big decision and walk alone.

But most likely you are going through the following emotions:

Stress

Agitation

Frustration

Anger

Depression

What I am trying to get you to do is now to prepare yourself for the season of walking alone.

Your phone will not ring as much.

Your social life may take a hit.

You may cry.

You may feel vulnerable.

You may feel very emotional.

But rest assured and trust me on this that this is only temporary, aka this is a season of walking alone, not a lifetime unless of course that is what you want it to be.

I would highly recommend doing a pros and cons or writing a list of the reasons why you are considering walking alone.

Do not share this private information with anybody!

When I was on the verge of leaving my ex-narcissist girlfriend, I made a long list of all the reasons why I did what I did.

People have TRULY short memories and can often forget why they walk away or alone.

And sure enough that moment when I was alone and considering going back I would read that list and remind myself why I chose to walk away.

Make sure you do the same thing, and remember this season is only temporary.

#2 – Re-evaluation

When we are overwhelmed with negative thoughts, experiences, and people we can find it extremely hard to think straight at all.

And if you are not thinking straight guess what will happen?

You will make more mistakes

Do things you regret

Go spiralling out of control

Get yourself into an almighty mess

When I was with a toxic partner, I had no idea what I was doing, in fact looking back I felt like I was on complete auto pilot in my life.

In fact, I remember trying to get things done at work but feeling this overwhelming weight on my shoulders weighing me down constantly.

I could not concentrate or focus, and my work life and career took a big hit.

If you are ambitious and want to live a fulfilling life you cannot afford to have such a personal burden going on constantly in the back of your mind.

That is why when you walk alone to do it confidently you need to start revaluating and thinking very clearly.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Why are you walking away?

When are you walking away?

Why are you never going back?

What have you learnt?

What steps are you taking to ensure this does not happen again?

What future do you see for yourself?

What can you do to make yourself happy?

It is so important you take this very seriously; this is your life we are talking about here.

This can apply to your career, social life, your marriage, relationships, it does not matter.

Walking alone will allow you to have a breather and take a step back from it all.

If you are constantly being bombarded by others and worse being abused how on earth are you going to think clearly about your situation?

Answer = you will not.

I remember sitting at a coffee shop after walking away from some toxic friends who were really bringing me down several years ago.

And I said to myself “my god, these people never cared about me as their friend, they just wanted an excuse to go out and get drunk every night.”

#3 – Regain Self-Respect

Walking alone and walking away with confidence go hand in hand in the redevelopment of your self-esteem and of course your self-respect.

What exactly does it take to have self-respect?

These days I see it all the time that people will tolerate almost any form of toxic behaviour because they are afraid of confrontation or do not know how to handle it.

Does that sound like you?

Do you avoid conflict?

Are you afraid to stand up for yourself?

Do you tolerate negative behaviour?

Sadly, in modern times this is what most people do.

Young people think just ignoring somebody over text aka ghosting by not replying is the perfect way to make somebody they dislike go away.

Whilst that may work on some people you cannot ghost your friends, your job or spouse in real life, so you need to grow up if you think that is your solution to every problem.

You cannot close your eyes and cross your fingers hoping your problems will go away without doing something about it.

It takes courage and strength to walk away.

It takes confidence to walk away.

It takes self-respect to walk away.

By not walking away and allowing whatever your scenario is to fester and multiply, you are no longer treating yourself with self-respect.

And as I have said time and time again in my content:

“If you give somebody an inch, they will take a mile.”

If you naively think that people will not take advantage of you, or “nobody would ever do that to me,” then you need to really grow up and realise the truth.

The world is not all sunshine and rainbows, it is a very mean and nasty place, and no matter how tough you think you are it will BEAT you to your knees if you let it.

And there is some manipulative, nasty and evil people out in the world, and if you let them into your lives, be ready to see your world implode.

A person who has self-respect recognizes what is and what is unacceptable.

Aka, they develop and maintain healthy boundaries.

And once those boundaries or a metaphorical line has been crossed, they walk away.

If nobody else tells you I will, have some respect for yourself!

By walking alone, you will start to respect yourself more realizing you will not take any crap thrown your way, and its YOUR way or the HIGHWAY!

#4 – Standards and Boundaries

Walking alone will give you the confidence to have standards and healthy boundaries.

What does it mean to have a healthy boundary?

Based on my own personal experience I believe having boundaries is having the mental strength and resilience to protect yourself from abuse of any type.

Abuse can take many forms:

Violence

Verbal

Manipulation

Triangulation

Gaslighting

Bullying

Having a healthy boundary is the ability to say no, to walk away and ultimately have the right amount of self-respect to no longer tolerate such toxic and abusive behaviour.

Think of yourself as a parent, and that toxic person or people as your child.

You can either sit there and let them get away with murder, OR tell them you will no longer allow or tolerate it any longer, and if it continues walk away and find yourself better and healthier people to associate yourself with.

I often use the analogy of having no boundaries at all is like opening the door to your house and telling everybody to come in and do whatever they want!

What do you think will happen to your home?

Your Valuables will be damaged

Your Valuables will be destroyed

Your Valuables will be stolen

So why are you therefore allowing the world to do this to your emotions, your soul and overall wellbeing?

When we let narcissists into our lives and tolerate them, it is no different to our home valuables and collectibles being destroyed.

Luckily for me I learnt from an early age that when somebody or a group of people cross that line and do what I would never do to them I walk away and never return.

If you are unsure how to set standards and boundaries, I will give you a simple exercise for you to carry out alone:

Make a list of all the things you are willing to tolerate from people, and then all the dealbreakers aka stealing, lying, bullying etc.

And make sure you know this list off by heart, so you know certain behaviours to look out for and to avoid in the future.

#5 – Associate with People Who Want the Best for You

By this point if you are ready to walk alone with confidence the final piece of the jigsaw is to start slowly reintroducing people and things back into your life.

You would have most likely:

Accepted the season of being alone

Revaluated everything

Regained your self-respect

Developed healthy boundaries

The final stage after you have done the healing, rediscovered yourself and followed all the steps I have suggested you are ready to come out of that season of walking alone.

Do not get me wrong some people wish to walk alone and be lone wolfs for the rest of their lives, and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

But say you want to date again, say you want to make new friends, start a new career, travel, or move somewhere?

You are giving yourself a fresh start, and you have hopefully done the mental work to rebuilding yourself up from beforehand.

That is why you must now associate with good healthy people.

Make friends with people who want the best for you.

Hopefully, you now know what toxic; evil and manipulative people are like as you have noticed familiar patterns in others that you meet.

Or even people you already know.

Use your experience and knowledge to avoid them like the plague and instead go out into the world looking for what you deserve which is better.

But walk with confidence doing so, knowing that the best is yet to come.

I genuinely believe that, if you follow all these steps you will be on your way to a better overall life my friend.

Categories
Narcissism

Why You Must Avoid Fake People

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Why You Must Avoid Fake People

This post is about why you must avoid fake people.

There are 5 important and life changing reasons as to why you must avoid and walk away from the fake people that are in your life.

How can we define the characteristics of a “fake person?”

There are many definitions of fake people:

People who are very shallow

People who are very superficial

People who are self-obsessed

People who are narcissistic

People who are constantly lying

People who keep up appearances

People who love to show off

People who use and manipulate

People who are hypocritical

According to google the official definition of a fake person is as follows:

“A person who falsely claims to be, feel, or do something can be said to be fake. When your friend acts sweet but spreads rumours about you behind your back, you can call her a fake.”

There are many strands of fake people as I listed above but a fake person can be almost anybody in your life too:

It can be a close friend

It can be a family member

It can be a co-worker

It can be a romantic partner

So why avoid them?

Why walk away from them?

Why cut a fake person out of your life?

It is simple really, because I learnt this an awfully long time ago from one of my mentors, who warned me about the type of people to associate and the types to disassociate with.

He mentioned to me the following, “if you surround yourself with fake people, you will become fake too, and pretty soon you will be living a fake life.”

That statement had a profound effect on me, I did not want a fake life, I mean seriously who does want a fake anything?!

It is like the people who buy fake jewellery or fake handbags, they want to give off the impression they are wealthy, for the approval of people who are shallow and insecure.

If you want to live a hugely successful and happy life, you need to avoid fake people and here are five reasons why:

#1 – Fake People Enjoy You Suffering

Are you going through a difficult time?

Are you finding life incredibly challenging?

Are you stuck in a rut and see no light at the end of the tunnel?

I have got really bad news for you my friend, fake people will thoroughly enjoy that.

Yes, these sickos will take pleasure in your pain.

Are you familiar with the term schadenfreude?

Originally a German phrase, schadenfreude is the pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune.

A fake person will enjoy that you are suffering, depressed, grieving, losing, feeling unwell, and all other painful emotions.

But why?

Why would anybody take actual pleasure in somebody else’s misfortunes, especially if they are a friend or a family member?

Because it makes them feel better about themselves.

A fake person will constantly be at competition with everybody and anybody they surround themselves with.

They will in their minds regardless of who it is, be drawing comparisons, on every aspect of their lives.

From relationships, to wealth, to even health, the fake person will always be looking to see who is doing better than them.

And if anybody has any success it hurts them mentally, to the point where they may not even function, they are that green with envy.

But when somebody loses their job, gets sick, or gets dumped, the fake person is there smiling at their misfortune.

They rationalize it in their head, “I am so glad that they lost their job and are losing their money, because that is making me feel better about my situation.”

Sometimes a fake person may have more wealth, health, and relationships than somebody else, and yet they still take pleasure in other people’s pain and misfortune.

Because again in their mind they want everybody else to remain “below them.”

Why would you want to associate with somebody who wants to see you suffer?

Why would you want to reveal your suffering to somebody who wants to see you fail?

Why would you want to trust somebody who loves the fact you are hurting?

Why would you want to surround yourself with those who thrive that you are in pain?

#2 – They Will Use You

Fake people will most likely only associate with you or want to talk to you because in simple terms they are using you for their own benefit.

The biggest users are the biggest abusers.

They are abusive of your emotions.

They are abusive of your energy.

They are abusive of your time.

They are abusive of your family.

They are abusive of your wallet.

They are abusive of your lives.

A fake person will use you to get whatever it is they want out of you, and without realizing it because you are most likely a good empathetic person you allow it to happen.

Here are some examples of how they will take advantage of you aka use you:

They will shame you

They will manipulate you

They will play the victim

They will bully you

They will tease you

They will call you only when they need something

They will only see you when they have nothing else to do

They will leave you out of things often

They will lie to you all the time

They will speak poorly of you

They will disappear from you when you need them

I had a friend who did all these things, but why did I associate with him?

Why did I tolerate that much abuse and manipulation?

Because I simply had no healthy boundaries and lacked the confidence to stand up for myself and realize that I truly deserved better than I was getting.

I was also extremely naïve, not a good thing to be in this wicked world.

Fake People will use other people like a toy.

They will play with you until they are bored with you and chuck you aside like you are yesterday’s newspaper.

I am sorry to say fake people will treat you like trash.

You are better than that, regardless of what anybody says about you.

#3 – They Will Control Your Life

Have you ever got the feeling that you are having your life almost dictated to you by somebody else?

Or the feeling like you want to do something, but you cannot?

Or perhaps you are treading on eggshells and not truly expressing how you feel about a situation or a person?

It is most likely because you are dealing with a fake person or fake people.

Fake people will not only take pleasure in your suffering, and use you, but they will attempt to control your life.

Without realizing it, you are suddenly at their burden.

If they call you go running.

If they need you, you are there.

If they want you to do something, you do it.

Suddenly your entire life revolves around them, yes you believe that your life is genuinely better with them in it, or worse you feel you cannot live without them.

What suffers as a result at being controlled by a fake person?

Your development

Your work

Your social life

Your health

Your core beliefs

Your life overall

Because you are too busy seeking the validation and admiration of a selfish fake person or a fake group, you find yourself in a dangerous trap.

And that trap is the never-ending loop of trying to please the unpleasable.

Nothing you say, nothing you do no matter how grand or generous a gesture is good enough for them.

And that is no fault of your own, it is because fake people are largely very spoilt and extremely entitled people.

Therefore, you have allowed them to control the one thing you have that they don’t, your life.

You believe and have been brainwashed to believe that as well being in their presence is good enough, and that excites you.

Eliminate their control, nobody ESPECIALLY a fake person has any right to control your life or have your life dictated to.

You are the master of your fate, the captain of your destiny.

#4 – They Are Hypocrites

Nobody is more of a hypocrite than a fake person.

What is a hypocrite?

A hypocrite is a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc.

In quite simple and logical terms, if a person is fake, then their lives are fake.

Think of the person who must buy a fake piece of jewellery because they want to give off the impression, they are wealthy.

They are “cheating” to show and brag to gain the attention of other superficial and shallow people that they are successful.

They hate the fact that a shallow person has spent thousands on a Rolex, yet they too have bought a fake Rolex just to fit in with them.

That is hypocritical.

Here are examples of how fake people are hypocrites:

They say one thing and do the opposite

They never follow their own advice but give it out to everybody else

Live one way publicly, but the opposite in private

They insist looks do not matter but are utterly obsessed with their self-image

They are blasting people on social media yet are annoyed they are not getting enough attention themselves

Pretend to be wealthy but have mountains of debt

Give out criticism yet cannot take their own

They will alter their opinion to be liked by other people

They constantly lie and lie

Hypocrites are an enormous waste of time, energy, and money in some cases.

So why would you want to open yourself up to such people?

Why would you trust them?

Why would you believe them?

Because they are extremely convincing, yes fake people will manipulate you so much to believe they are telling the truth.

They will convince you that they are genuine.

They will make you believe that you are the issue and there is nothing wrong.

Wake up!

Remember these traits and look out for them when you next come across a fake person.

#5 – They Are Jealous of You

The final reason to avoid fake people like the plague is that they are extremely jealous of you.

This may be hard to believe if you are currently saying to yourself:

But they are better looking?

More popular than me?

Have more money?

Have more success?

It does not matter, because a fake person regardless of their situation and current lifestyle will ALWAYS somehow and someway find a way to be unhappy.

Yes, fake people are NEVER satisfied.

They always want more, even though they have so much.

They are like spoilt brats.

So, whether you are pursuing a goal, losing weight, driving a better car, or just being happy it will drive these fake people insane.

Because it will be something they do not have.

It will be something they are too insecure to pursue.

Why are you wasting your time with such people?

People who will hate on even your tiny victories or successes?

People who will hate you for who you are in your heart of hearts?

My advice, get away from them, block them, walk away and never return.

Find yourself good light-hearted genuine people who want the best for you.

Remember that “people who want the best for you.”

You do not need a million friends or the admiration of a fake person to live a good and fulfilling life.

You only need to find those who want the best for you, like you do them.

Believe and trust me that they are out there, you just have not met them yet.

Good luck!

Categories
Narcissism

Why You Need To Block Someone

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Why You Need to Block Someone

This post is about why you need to block someone.

There are 5 reasons I have collected on why you need to block somebody on all forms of contact from social media to your phone.

In the day and age of technology, communication could not be easier.

We can contact somebody through social media, WhatsApp, text or even video calling.

Thanks so smart phones people are available to contact no matter which way you prefer to.

However, the problem with that is people can also stalk you, track you easier, and god forbid find ways to hack into your private accounts.

But I was having a conversation with a close friend who asked me the question:

What are the reasons why somebody would block somebody else?

I have blocked a fair amount of people for many different reasons in my life, and I can assure you that I too have been blocked a lot too.

But why did I do it?

Why did they do it to me?

What is the tipping point?

What took me to the point of no return?

What warrants the need to completely go cold turkey and remove somebody from your life?

Blocking somebody whilst may seem harsh is the easiest form of saying no.

By pressing one little button on social media or on our phones, we can almost eliminate all conversation.

Physically through technology there is no way that person can ever contact you again.

They are done, you are done with them, it is completely over.

Sure, some people lead to unblocking others and trying to go back to normal.

Then there is the case of people blocking people so they can just take a break from society when things become difficult or too overwhelming.

There are many reasons why this happens.

But I have thought long and hard as to why I have made the decision to block people in my life over the years.

And I am delighted to say I think I have the most realistic reasons.

I will eliminate the obvious ones:

Your exes

Your ex-co-workers or bosses

Your ex-friends

Here are the 5 reasons why you need to block someone:

#1 – To Stop Abuse

Is somebody abusing you?

Are any of the following occurring towards you?

  • cyberbullying.
  • emotional abuse.
  • grooming.
  • sexting.
  • sexual abuse.
  • sexual exploitation.

It will be a particularly good idea to just stop this immediately and block the person who is doing that with immediate effect.

A woman I know went on a date with a lunatic from Tinder, and he bombarded her phone with texts, calls, photos, and even dangerous threats.

Because she was a very patient and kind person, she allowed it to continue.

When sure enough he never stopped and then started showing up to her home to the point where she got a restraining order and couldn’t take it anymore.

If you give people an inch, they will take a mile.

Especially toxic and sociopathic people.

There was a stage where getting a person’s number was almost seem like a victory in the dating world back in the 90’s.

But now people are throwing their number and personal social media around like confetti.

The boundary, aka the personal one is eliminated.

It is like opening your door to your home and asking the world to come in and do and take whatever they want.

So if you are currently being abused in any kind, for whatever reason you are better off blocking these people immediately.

It does not matter who is doing the abusing, there is a line that must never be crossed.

If they have crossed that line, you can sure as hell guarantee that they will do it again.

Why is that the case?

Because I will repeat it again:

If you give people an inch, they will take a mile.

People can hide behind their phone and spit out abuse and insults to people, because it is easier and less intimidating.

Some of the nastiest things I’ve ever read have been through texts or private messages.

Have some self-respect and block the person hurling you abuse immediately.

#2 – To Clear Your Head

I can speak from personal experience here and I want you to take what I am about to tell you extremely seriously:

If you surround yourself with a toxic person, you will have a toxic life.

Toxic, negative, and difficult people will destroy your life if you allow them to.

I remember having the most amount of work stress I had to ever endure.

It was so difficult and overwhelming that when I could relax it was the only time I had to think clearly.

And by think clearly, I mean think successfully to get out of the mess I found myself in and go back to a better way of life.

However, I was dating a narcissist at the time.

And if you have ever dated a narcissist, peace and quiet at all with them is as rare as a UFO sighting.

How do you think I faired?

Answer I didn’t, I became more stressed, more agitated, more frustrated.

I was making mistakes in my work, my decision making was off, I was a complete mess.

My life was on the verge of becoming a complete disaster.

It was only when I blocked and removed that narcissist from my life did I immediately sense a feeling of peace.

I found a huge weight lift off my shoulders.

I began to smile more.

I could sleep better.

I ate better.

But most importantly of all I could think better.

By having clouded thinking, you are setting yourself up for chaos.

That is why regardless of what they are saying or doing or even what they mean to you, the person who you are thinking of blocking needs to be blocked.

Most likely you have tried everything:

You’ve tried reasoning

You’ve tried talking it through

You’ve explained you are exhausted

You have emphasized that you need space and a break

But like that moth that just won’t go away and constantly pesters you, they just won’t listen.

Remove them and think clearer so you can realize how your life is better without them.

#3 – To Create Healthy Boundaries

Blocking someone will give you the confidence to create a healthy boundary, and ultimately protect you from such malevolent people in the future.

What does it mean to have a healthy boundary?

Based on my own personal experience I believe having boundaries is having the mental strength and resilience to protect yourself from abuse of any type.

There is something you really need to understand, and you must remember, because like you I was very naïve and easily manipulated.

The world is not all sunshine and rainbows, it is a very mean and nasty world, and it does not matter how tough you are it will beat you to your knees if you let it.

And with that there are some very nasty and evil people in this world.

Liars, cheaters, narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to name a few.

These toxic people are out to destroy the world and those who stand in their way.

Again, I’ll repeat this:

If you give someone an inch, they will take a mile.

Never has this been truer than the current world that we live in.

So, by blocking this person you are doing what 99% of other people are afraid of doing:

You are creating a healthy boundary.

You have analysed the situation enough to justify your action.

When I block somebody, I will often go through the following narrative in my head:

“Ok this person has disrespected me for the last time, if I carry on allowing them to do this, then I will only have a worse opinion of myself and of them. There is no point in letting them carry on doing this to me, I must block them and move on.”

I know it can be exceedingly difficult to think so logically in a situation like this, especially if you have been emotionally triggered too.

But you NEED to.

What is more by doing this you are setting yourself up for future protection from such toxic individuals for the future.

Blocking the toxic person in your life will give you the confidence to do the same in the future too.

Believe it or not, there are not many good genuine people in the world.

And the more people you meet and network with, the more you will realize it.

Therefore, by blocking them and creating that boundary you will have the understanding and the knowhow to do it again in the future.

You are almost mentally preparing yourself for the future.

It is also extremely attractive doing this, and you will hold yourself in higher regard too.

#4 – Stop Negativity

Negative and toxic people will always find a way to ruin your happiness, rain on your parade and destroy any positive beliefs you may have.

There was never a statue built of a critic.

If you are receiving the following from somebody:

Negative news

Negative stories

Negative messages of any kind

Negative emotions

Drama

Arguments

Debates

Financial problems

Family issues

It means you are going to bring and allow negativity in your life.

It does NOT matter how positive you are, the more you surround yourself with toxicity the more toxic your overall life will become too.

You become who you surround yourself with.

I remember seeing a girl that no matter what or how she created drama.

I was working on a huge project for work, which required my full attention.

What did this negative Nancy do?

She told me how she got herself into a physical fight with her brother and how she was bleeding and badly hurt.

I dropped everything and rushed to her home to see if she was ok, only to find that it was a little scuffle and she was fine.

But even still, what the hell was I doing with a person like that?!

And sure, enough I lost my focus, took my eye off the prize with my work, and did a lousy job overall.

If you are at all ambitious or have goals, it will require a huge amount of dedication, discipline, and positive thinking.

But if you have a negative voice of any kind in your ear or blowing up your phone, I can guarantee you they will find a way to derail you and question your motives.

That is why you MUST block these people regardless of your career or goals, with immediate effect.

They will serve nothing for you but more problems.

#5 – You Deserve Better

Ultimately whenever I have blocked and kept ANYBODY blocked I do it for life.

I never go back on my blocking because I have enough self-respect for myself and ultimately, I know I deserve better.

You do too, and I do not care if you doubt that I am here to assure you that you do.

You deserve respect

You deserve love

You deserve admiration

You deserve support

You deserve positivity

You deserve happiness

You deserve success

You deserve kindness

You deserve a chance

You deserve to win

You do not deserve:

Abuse

Negativity

Spamming

Lies

Cheating

Manipulation

Make friends and associate with people that want the best for you, nothing else.

And if you have not done it already block that person, do not look back and go out there and enjoy your life.

Categories
Narcissism

What Narcissists Don’t Like

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What Narcissists Don’t Like

This post is about what narcissists don’t like.

There are 5 things that MOST narcissists do not like at all!

Narcissists ARE NOT NORMAL PEOPLE!

I am emphasizing this because we often find ourselves when we are subject to narcissistic abuse of any kind trying to rationalize in our heads what we experienced.

When you encounter a narcissist, you are not dealing with a normal, healthy, understanding individual.

You are encountering a monster – and that is a very polite way of putting it trust me on that.

When you have an argument or disagreement with a friend or family member who isn’t a narcissist there is a logical or understanding behind what or why it has happened.

Perhaps you made a mistake, or they did and once you both calm down you discuss things like adults, and you kiss and make up and get your closure.

With a narcissist?

Closure with a narcissist is about as rare a UFO sighting.

With a narcissist when there is any type of disagreement you are often left feeling:

Confusion

Pain

Stress

Anxiety

Hurt

Frustration

Abused

That is why this post is vitally important for your wellbeing, because if you know in advance what a narcissist dislikes you can try your best to avoid it, or better yet try to rationalize in your brain what is happening.

These manipulative monsters will do everything in their power to convince YOU that YOU are the issue, you are to blame and so on.

A narcissist I once dated through a tantrum over a selfie in a theme park and made out I was the issue when in fact it was her because she was a petulant child.

But also, before I go into the list, I would strongly recommend doing what you can to distance yourself from the narcissist in your life.

Go no contact.

Keep your distance, and if you can walk away.

Here are the 5 things most narcissists do not like at all:

#1 – Insults & Criticism

This is genuinely how the narcissist sees themselves when they look in the mirror:

“Oh, I am so sexy”

“I am amazing”

“I am the greatest”

“Everybody sucks, yet I am the best in the world”

Narcissists are the worst type of egomaniacs.

What is an egomaniac?

An egomaniac is a person who is obsessively egotistical or self-centred.

Because they see themselves in such a disgustingly selfish and self-centred manner, anything that counters that belief is like worse than any crime that could be committed.

They are genuinely shocked to believe otherwise.

A narcissist will convince themselves they look healthy even if they smoke a pack a day and are grossly overweight.

I am dead serious…

So, if you go to them “hey you need to watch what you eat, you are putting on a few pounds,” just watch the rage that will entail.

An insult or constructive criticism to a narcissist is like them hearing the worst news possible.

It does not match how they see themselves.

If you mentioned them to get a job and say they are lazy and hardly worked again, realistic, and constructive advice, however they feel they are perfect as they are, so why listen to you?

Again, remember what I said these are NOT normal people.

Insults and criticism destroy the fake and largely inflated façade they have built up into their heads over the years.

You could be trying to help, or trying to point out an obvious flaw, but they will dislike it.

You may be greeted with:

“How dare you say that about me?”

“There is nothing wrong with me, I am perfect.”

“You are the problem, I am amazing.”

You are more likely to give constructive criticism to a brick wall than a narcissist.

And if somebody “insults,” them in any shape or form it will make them spiral out of control.

They see themselves as the centre of the universe, so how dare that waiter not bring them their food faster.

In summary, narcissists hate anything that counters their ego.

#2 – Rejection

Narcissists thrive on control.

They believe they control everything in the world, I genuinely mean that.

They believe they can control their victim’s aka friends, family, spouse etc.

They believe they can control waiters, store clerks, cab drivers etc.

In fact, one narcissist I knew believed she could control the entire universe – what a psycho.

So, when they are so readily obsessed with their illusion of control of everybody in their sick little world, any form of rejection sends them into a tailspin.

Just like insults or criticism it does not fit their own narrative.

Remember the narcissist feels entitled to everything for nothing in return, and they genuinely believe they are special.

The narcissist looks at everybody in the world and I mean EVERYBODY as a pawn, and they are the king or queen on the chess board.

So when they are rejected, turned down, turned away, or lose it completely destroys their false narrative they tell themselves.

Think about it, if you foolishly thought you were indestructible, and you suddenly were defeated how would you feel?

This is what they are like, they believe nothing will happen to them and if it does, they did not deserve it.

I dated a narcissist who absolutely despised the feeling or rejection.

She hated it so much it was almost like she was being shot!

One time we were going out to a restaurant to eat, it was a spontaneous evening.

It was fully booked, and she kicked up a fuss:

“I am hungry, and I want to eat NOW!”

She shouted, screamed caused an almighty scene, it was humiliating.

However, the restaurant manager kept his cool and insisted:

“I am so sorry madame, but it is Saturday night you have not booked and we cannot accommodate you, but if you want to come another night I promise you a table.”

Sadly, it still wasn’t good enough for her:

“No, I wanted it now! NOW!”

We ended up getting a table and I was utterly humiliated.

She sat there still fuming and rudely talking to the staff.

She insisted to me, “I always get what I want, my parents, my friends, and you.”

In summary the narcissists cannot handle rejection due to their overwhelming sense of entitlement.

#3 – Exposure to Their Lies

Narcissists are unfortunately chronic liars, and they lie so much that they even end up believing their own lies.

One of my many ex narcissists that I dated was such an enormous and idiotic liar that when I called her out on it, she did not like it at all.

This specific ex-narcissist lied about the following:

Her job

Her ex boyfriends

Her past

Her family

Her financial situation

Her criminal history!

The worst part was there was a man I was about to do business with, we were talking about a deal and we kept it strictly professional aka he didn’t know much about my personal life nor me his at all.

Let us call him Frank for sake of argument (not his real name).

Then incredibly by pure luck my ex-narcissist informed me that she just “bumped into Frank,” walking down the high street who she happened to have known.

I pressed her how she knew him, and she said, “we were friends in college nothing more.”

I then asked Frank which I didn’t want to do, to which he admitted “yes we dated, it was a long time ago, I am married with children now, I swear nothing is going on.”

I pressed the narcissist more and more, but she kept denying it.

Until one day I exposed her for the lies, all of them.

How she said she was working when really, she worked part time.

How she lied about who she dated.

How she claimed she went to college but dropped out.

How her family were more toxic than she made out.

How she was actually in debt rather than as wealthy as she made out she was.

And so on and so forth.

Exposing a narcissist for their lies and deceit is unmasking them from the façade they want the world to see them as and showing what they truly are: Scumbags.

They are so foolish they genuinely believe that people will believe them because they will go to the end of the earths to cover up the dirt on themselves, but to the honest genuine people they can see through the lies.

In summary, when you expose them or call them on their lies, they absolutely crumble.

#4 – Lack of Attention

Narcissists thrive on any kind of attention, and if they are starved of any, they will do whatever they can to seek it more.

Social media is an enormous example of how these toxic people love to brag and gain attention.

Open your social media and I am sure you know the people who are showing off the most, posting constantly, and bragging about how amazing their lives are.

There is an INCREDIBLY good chance they are narcissists, but I’ll reserve judgement for now.

Attention of any kind, good or bad, is like a drug to a narcissist.

Whether it is likes on their social media, or a full-blown argument or episode of drama, it is STILL attention to them, and they are addicted to it.

But why is that?

Psychologists refer to this as “narcissistic supply.”

According to Wikipedia: “The attention they receive from the “supply source” is essential to the narcissist’s survival, without it they would die (physically or metaphorically) because it depends on their fragile ego to handle their unstable self-esteem.”

So why do no they not like not having attention?

For all narcissists, the attention of any people around them are their choice, it makes them feel alive, wanted and “loved.”

A narcissist thrives off compliments, sympathy, validation, reassurance, and even physical energy of any kind.

Remember they believe the entire universe revolves around them, they are the star of the show, they are the hero of the story aka life.

SO when that is removed for any reason or decreased they cannot handle it.

Unlike a normal human being they cannot deal with the lack of people looking, talking, or interacting with them.

They NEED it because that is the validation, they need to feel superior and admired by the world aka to feed their ego.

All of this comes down to that mainly, the feeding of their inflated ego.

It does not fit the narrative to be ignored or dismissed when in their mind they are the “king or queen of the entire universe.”

I knew one narcissist who had a death in her family, but because everybody was talking about the sad news, she could not handle it.

Therefore, she uploaded a risky picture of herself half naked saying “bored AF,” on her social media, because she could not handle nobody talking to her or about her.

In summary narcissists are all about them, regardless of any situation.

#5 – Your Success

Don’t you just hate envious people?

They are usually just so insecure that they cannot handle that you have any type of success big or small.

Why is that the case?

Because it makes them feel like they are failing in life, despite the fact they may even be doing better than you!

Narcissists are the worst when it comes to this too.

This all stems from their illusion of control of people, if they can control people and to use the analogy of chess again aka keep them as their pawns, they have nothing to worry about.

However, the more confident people get and achieve their goals, the more likely they will be smart enough and gain enough courage to walk away from the narcissist.

That is the real gist of it, they do not like any success at all that is big or small.

Because they see it as a threat.

You could have lost weight

Got a promotion

Overcome an obstacle

All that is doing is basically raising your self-esteem when the narcissist wants you to be miserable and feel like you cannot live without them.

I am here to tell you that you can, and you need to walk away from these parasites and go no contact as soon as humanely possible.

Do not waste your life around them or wanting to be near them.

Live your life and enjoy it narc free!

Categories
Narcissism

Why You Need Boundaries

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Why You Need Boundaries

This post is about why you need boundaries in your life.

I will give you 5 amazing and positive benefits from having healthy boundaries in your life.

What does it mean to have a healthy boundary?

Based on my own personal experience I believe having boundaries is having the mental strength and resilience to protect yourself from abuse of any type.

Abuse can take many forms:

Violence

Verbal

Manipulation

Triangulation

Gaslighting

Bullying

Having a healthy boundary is the ability to say no, to walk away and ultimately have the right amount of self-respect to no longer tolerate such toxic and abusive behaviour.

Think of yourself as a parent, and that toxic person or people as your child.

You can either sit there and let them get away with murder, OR tell them you will no longer allow or tolerate it any longer, and if it continues walk away and find yourself better and healthier people to associate yourself with.

I often use the analogy of having no boundaries at all is like opening the door to your house and telling everybody to come in and do whatever they want!

What do you think will happen to your home?

Your Valuables will be damaged

Your Valuables will be destroyed

Your Valuables will be stolen

I think you get the picture.

So why are you therefore allowing the world to do this to your emotions, your soul and overall wellbeing?

When we let narcissists into our lives and tolerate them, it is no different to our home valuables and collectibles being destroyed.

Luckily for me I learnt from an early age that when somebody or a group of people cross that line and do what I would never do to them I walk away and never return.

Walk away from toxic people and make friends with people who want the best for you.

Life is sweeter that way.

Here are 5 amazing benefits for why you need boundaries in your life:

#1 – More Self-Awareness

By having boundaries, you are dramatically increasing your self-awareness.

Self-awareness is vital if you want to live a good, successful, and fulfilling life.

Based on my own experience self-awareness is the ability to be consciously understanding your own character, feelings, desires, and needs.

A very self-aware person knows what makes them feel positive emotions, and what is a waste of time and is negative.

Naturally to avoid all types of negative emotions and experiences is virtually impossible in life, however if you know what to do to lower the amount you encounter can have a tremendously positive impact on your life.

Most people I am sad to say are just on autopilot when they come to their lives.

They are truly not thinking about where they are going, what they are doing, and especially who they are associating with.

They assume the job they have is the best they can get.

They assume the same about their spouse.

And the same for their friends or who they associate with.

There is little to no self-awareness going on there at all because they have no idea what is going on as they have in their mind just settled for what they got.

Meanwhile they suffer bullying, abuse and possible much more because again they are on autopilot.

If however they had boundaries of what is acceptable especially on how they wish to be treated immediately they can see much more aware they would be.

For example, I was associating with a group of friends that would do nothing but bully me many years ago.

Every time I would meet up, they would ridicule how I looked, spoke, and it was awful.

I had a dreadful pit in my stomach every time I socialized, I hated it.

But then once I built up the courage to say something, I was met with utter shock by these bullies.

I told them “I do not enjoy being spoken to like that, and if you carry on I will just leave.”

However, these bullies did not care, and they carried on abusing me.

Realizing nobody was going to stand up for me but myself, I was aware that these toxic people were just trying to trigger me.

So, I followed through, and got up and told them “I’m off,” and never saw them again.

They called me 2-3 times afterward, but I did not take their calls.

I instead made friends with people who made me feel good, and happy.

I was aware of how I felt around the good friends and more aware of how people in general treated me over all too.

#2 – More Confidence

For those who have dated or associated themselves with a Narcissist, it can be an extremely difficult and almost painful experience.

Narcissists can often leave their victims suffering with an enormous amount of confusion, aka people can forget who they were when the relationship ends.

When you are so exposed to narcissistic abuse for such a long time, you can become a shadow of the person you once were.

That is why when you start putting boundaries in place, your confidence will skyrocket.

Let me give you an example:

Say you are dating a narcissist, and you feel trapped and you are convinced in your mind that you will NEVER do better than them.

But suddenly you realize enough is enough, and you either give them an ultimatum to show you some damn respect, or you get up and walk away.

Whilst of course there is the grieving stage of a breakup and the inevitable recovery, there is something else that comes your way = more confidence!

Why does having boundaries increase your confidence?

Because there is an honesty behind it.

For example, with my ex-narcissist, I was tired of the manipulation, her not listening, the abuse and so on.

So I told her “stop this or I will have to leave you.”

Not surprisingly she didn’t listen.

So I left, and like most narcissists she was begging me back aka hoovering.

It shows the world you are a person that deserves better, and to be respected.

It shows that you will not tolerate any type of abuse.

It screams confidence and it shows that you are EXTREMELY attractive.

This doesn’t need to be applied just to narcissists, but the reason I used them as an example is because they can damage a person’s pride and confidence the most.

Just last week a person thought they could be abusive to me for no good reason.

I said to them very politely; “I do not know why or how you think you can treat me this way, but with that I will block you and never wish to speak to you again.”

What is the worst that can happen from walking away from such people?

You will be a bit lonely initially, but you will not have any negativity and abuse in your life!

What is more you will have the confidence to say no to more people and more things that are genuinely not suiting your life?

Aka getting rid of the things that are not complimenting your life at all. Stand tall with your boundaries and watch your confidence soar!

#3 – Boundaries Help You Think Clearer

When you are so fully engrossed with toxic or narcissistic people your thinking can come to an abrupt halt.

And if you are not thinking clearly, I can confirm you are most likely NOT living clearly either.

Here are some dangerous side effects of clouded thinking:

You are more likely to make more mistakes.

You are more likely to take dangerous risks.

You are more likely to do something you regret.

You are more likely to lose control.

There is nothing worse when you have no boundaries whatsoever, and you become so triggered emotionally that you just snap!

We have all been there, and if you haven’t yet, I am sad to admit you will be one day.

Any type of rational thinking or clear understanding of what is going on with you goes right out of the window!

However, on the contrary by setting boundaries you can start thinking a lot clearer, almost instantly!

Think about it, if you are surrounded by a toxic individual all day every day, when and how are you going to think clearly at all?

Answer = you will not!

But once you set your boundaries up, and start saying no almost straight away some important and vital thoughts pop up from the back of your mind to assist you.

For example:

I remember when I was good friends with a very toxic person, and I so desperately wanted his approval I did everything and anything I could.

I would always drive to him after work, I would always do what he wanted, and the relationship was completely one-sided.

Then one day out of the blue he asked me for $1000, even though he had a lot of money, and he snapped at me to do what he said or lose him as a friend.

I said no and turned my phone off!

In that period, I looked back at the time and energy wasted on a very selfish friend, all because I was so insecure and wanted his approval.

I almost instantly thought back of all the times he abused me, let me down, and even ridiculed me in front of other people.

“Oh my god, this guy is a jerk,” I realized, and with that I never spoke to him again.

Sometimes we need to create a boundary to take a step back and reflect and think more clearly about our situations and lives.

“Keep your head and heart clear.”

#4 – Less Stress

Have you ever felt any of the following when you are either going to an event, work, to be with a group or friends or go to meet somebody?

Anxiety

Dread

Anger

Frustration

Disappointment

Sadness

I have got bad news for you, the reason why you are feeling this way is because most likely you are coming into interaction with a toxic person or people.

Sure, we all must do things we don’t like in our lives, but if this is a regular problem and feeling then that is NOT good at all.

Why would you want to waste your life always feeling stressed?

Life is ALREADY an incredibly stressful thing, so why would you want to make it more stressful?

Answer, you don’t!

By tolerating bad and toxic people with no boundaries of our own will almost guarantee a more stressful life.

We will be more concerned with how we look.

More concerned how we talk.

More concerned how we generally carry ourselves.

You are BETTER than that judgment, and do not need to waste your time with jerks who will only make you feel worse.

While it may be lonely at times having boundaries, I’d rather take that then the stress being associated with toxic individuals can give you.

Your body will enjoy having less stress in it, trust me.

I remember walking away from toxic friends and relationships and just sitting down and taking a huge breath.

Almost instantly I could feel my body unwinding.

Infact I was feeling just euphoric because I no longer had to fight, argue, tread on eggshells or be abused or manipulated.

For those who know what its like after leaving such people, it is a very emotionally overwhelming experience.

But I highly recommend it over living life stressed in your social life.

Stress is the inability to decide what is profoundly important for you.

#5 – Attract Better in Your Life

Naysayers and negative people will always want to convince you that you can never do better than you think you can.

That is because they are sick and twisted individuals who do not want to see you live your best life.

But what happens when you start putting up boundaries and most importantly sticking to them, you instantly start attracting better people and opportunities.

It truly breaks my heart when I see people never learn from their mistakes.

As Einstein said, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”

So the people who leave or get dumped by narcissists, despite knowing how they got themselves into that mess in the first place only go and make the exact same error.

Aka they end up with ANOTHER narcissist!

Having good healthy boundaries will attract better, healthier, and happier people into your life.

You will have a certain aura about you.

You will come across more attractive.

You will have more assertiveness.

And the good people you will attract will not only like you, they will love you for that.

It is not all about coming across like a tough guy or girl.

It is about protecting your values, your core beliefs, and yes having some self-respect.

Because without it all you will attract are toxic and evil people into your life.

Life is way too short for that.

Associate with people who want the best for you, because you deserve it!

Categories
Narcissism Self Improvement

The People Who Will Waste Your Time

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The People Who Will Waste Your Time

This post is about the people who will waste your time in your life.

Based on my own personal experiences there are three types of people you need to avoid in your life who will do nothing but waste your time.

How much do you value your life?

Also how much do you truly value your time?

Away from our jobs, our work, our businesses etc, our down time and social life plays a huge factor in our overall happiness and development.

Based on all our individual traits and personalities, there is one thing we all as people have in common if we choose to:

Boundaries.

Whether we have strong boundaries or not, boundaries are there for us to not only protect us but to potentially improve our lives.

If you opened the door to your house and told the world to come in and take and use everything you had, you would be left with nothing.

That is what people are doing without realizing it with their personal lives, they are opening the door so people can come in and abuse, manipulate and destroy everything they ever created.

There is a great saying it can take two decades to build something and two minutes to destroy it all.

What constitutes a timewaster?

In my opinion a timewaster is somebody you allow into your life who has sold you down a path you naively believed to be true only to realize that it was a complete hoax or lie.

The best way to handle these people is call them out on their behaviour or just ignore them and walk away.

And when I mean walk away, I mean walk away.

My friends used to laugh at me and say, “why are you blocking these people etc?”

And I’d say, “because they are of no use to my life, I’ve experienced just a small dose of what they have to offer, which is nothing.”

Ambitious people have no time for malevolent, evil, lazy, toxic, or negative people.

Some of the worlds most powerful and wealthiest people stress that you become the 5 people you surround yourself with.

So, this advice does not apply no disrespect to the people who are content where they are and do not want to work hard and strive to have a better life and become a better person.

This is for the people who want to learn how to improve their boundaries, what to look out for in terms of negative people so to avoid them in the future, I wish somebody gave me this advice when I was younger too.

Here are the 3 types of people who will waste your time and you need to avoid.

#1 – Fake People

What exactly is a fake person?

Well according to urban dictionary:

“Fake people are people who will act like your friend, but the truth is that they are back stabbers they will talk behind your back and say the rudest things about you. Yet when they see you they act like your best friend.”

A fake person can be a family member, a friend, a colleague, or somebody you are dating.

Here are some of the usual things a fake person will do:

Fake people make plans they never commit to.

Fake people are genuinely infatuated with themselves.

Fake people only respect wealthy and powerful people, nobody else.

Fake people only contact you when they want or need something.

Fake people are NEVER there for you when you need them most.

Fake people are extremely judgemental of you, especially behind your back.

Fake people are attention seekers.

Fake people will put you down whenever or however they wish.

Fake people do not listen when you talk.

Fake people hide their emotions.

Fake people love to brag all the time.

Fake people will do whatever it takes to keep up appearances.

Fake people are unhealthily addicted to social media.

Fake people will never understand genuine criticism.

Fake people are obsessed with trying to please everybody.

I am sure I have left some important traits out here, but I hope you get the general idea.

A great description of a fake person is they are almost like tourists.

They vacation into people’s lives, they take a few pictures, have some experiences, and leave in the blink of an eye.

Why do they do this?

Because they are ultimately selfish, they do not care about the people they are getting themselves involved with at all.

All they care about is what they can get out of an experience.

Good wholesome decent people allow these fake people in unknowingly only to realize that they were never offering anything of value but wasting time.

They waste your time because they deem you and your life unimportant.

#2 – Liars

The most dangerous liars are those who are convinced they are telling you the truth.

There are many reasons why a liar is a dangerous person to have in your life:

They may cheat on you

They may steal from you

They may scam you

They may destroy your family

They may destroy your relationships

They may destroy your business

I remember going to a party with a foolish woman I was seeing many years ago.

She was bored and to create drama she told all my friends (who she was meeting for the first time), that “he forced me against my will to come here, I need to get out of here!”

I was outside in the garden drinking a beer with some friends when someone from inside told me my date had run off screaming and crying!

Like a fool I ran outside and chased after her only to find her round the corner alone laughing to herself.

I said to her “what is wrong?! What did you tell people?!”

To which this lunatic replied, “oh it was a boring party, so I made up this white lie in order to make things a bit more exciting that you forced me here and I felt like a prisoner! Come on let’s go to a bar!”

I walked away from her and never looked back.

Not only are liars a waste of time, but they are extremely destructive to your health and personal life.

Why let a snake into your home?

You wouldn’t WANT to do that would you?

Liars will also waste your time by doing the following:

Make you believe they like or love you

Make you believe they are trustworthy

Make you invest in them

Make you invest your time in them

Make you believe they are good people

Make you believe they had a good past

Make you believe they are worth your time

Avoid these time wasters like the plague, otherwise your life will end up becoming a big fat lie.

#3 – Narcissists

If you are new to my content, I speak about Narcissists a great deal.

Narcissists are not only an enormous waste of time to your life, but also can be extremely destructive to it too.

I have had the displeasure of dating several Narcissists in my life and come across my fair share of them in my career and even in my own family.

What is a Narcissist in case you didn’t know?

“a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.”

Narcissists are terribly like fake people and liars, but so much worse.

They are the very people you need to avoid not only to not have your time no longer wasted, but for you to have a better healthier and happier life.

Narcissists will waste your time by doing the following:

They will lie about absolutely everything

They will manipulate your emotions to assume YOU are the problem not them

They will cause drama constantly and blame you for it

They will turn people against you

They will eat into your work life

They will make you lose sleep with anxiety

They will make you more stressed

They will force you to walk on eggshells

They will make you feel you cannot live without them

They will only talk about themselves

They will make you go and do things they want only

They will abuse you

They will talk behind your back

They will try to destroy your reputation

Not only are these toxic individuals as I’ve already mentioned a colossal waste of your time, but also highly destructive to it!

Not only is the narcissist a time waster and abusive then they are in your life, but also after you leave them, they follow you up, stalk you, hoover you, and for some people it can take them months or even years to get over the trauma.

My advice is for you to get away from these people ASAP, go no contact, block, delete them and never look back.

Narcissists are some of the worst people you can associate with, not only for your time but also for your wellbeing.

Categories
Narcissism Relationships

What are the Signs of a Cheater?

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What are the Signs of a Cheater?

This post is about what are the signs of a cheater.

I will highlight the 5 key signs to look out if you are at all suspicious that somebody is in fact cheating on you in your relationship, and this applies to BOTH men and women.

Before I go into the signs of what a cheater is, I need to make something clear:

It is NOT your fault.

Sometimes we can push our partners away if we are abusive, toxic, or narcissistic.

But if we are healthy good normal people, our partners would not cheat, they would either ask for a break, or permanently end the relationship with us.

Some people when they believe they are being cheated on assume it is their fault.

WRONG!

Get it into your head = you are the victim here.

The cheater is the guilty party.

They are the ones who should have trouble sleeping at night thinking about what they have done to you.

Thanks to TV and Movies scandals and affairs are so hot right now, in fact it even turns people on!

How sick is society seriously?

Call me a stick in the mud but you know what turns me in instead?

A good healthy and happy relationship.

Not a series of encounters with random people or co-workers or close friends even!

A cheater is a coward, and they are usually narcissists too.

A narcissist will feel no guilt, no responsibility for their actions or empathy if it suits them and them alone.

So why one earth would they feel bad about cheating on somebody?

The truth is they genuinely do not.

They are fools, idiots, and scumbags.

And whether you have already been cheated on previously, there is a 99% chance you will be cheated on again.

Worse as you are reading this there is a large possibility you are being cheated on right this very moment.

Please have some boundaries, if you have clear evidence that they are a cheater, get rid of them walk away find somebody better who will not betray you.

However, if you are unsure whether you are just being paranoid or there is genuinely cause for concern here are the 5 signs to look out for of a cheater:

#1 – They Are Secretly Using Their Phone More

I will never forget when I found out one of my exes was cheating.

We were out for a meal and her phone rang and instantly she took it and ran straight out of the restaurant.

My father was with me and he asked, “what the hell was all that about?!”

I was not sure either, and he said to me “you know son, when somebody acts like that and is so secretive about their phone, they are trying to hide something?”

When she returned to the table and I asked who it was she said, “just work.”

This woman was self employed and worked at events selling products for a commission.

I later found out that evening she was arranging to sleep with another man.

I walked away and never looked back.

So, if your partner is ultra-secretive when it comes to their phone or worse, they have only recently become secretive with their phone there is one reason:

They are hiding something from you.

Yes, and what they are usually hiding is the fact that there is somebody else they are sleeping with, OR on the verge of sleeping with.

I know what you are thinking “so every time they take a private call they are cheating?”

No here are some clear signs of them being secretive on their phone to help with your paranoia on this subject:

They are on the phone regularly late at night

They are constantly texting other people in your company

They always have their phones face down and always on silent

They get agitated if you ask to look at their phone

They get aggressive when you question them who they are talking to

They constantly use the excuse they are working

The work thing can be genuinely true, but if you have reasons or a gut instinct to feel they are cheating then you are probably correct.

For me I do not have a work phone, I only have one phone.

So, I usually get a lot of calls and texts from people for business reasons.

But the difference is unlike the lying cheaters, I would tell my partner “look its Sue from accounts I need to take this as it may be urgent, that ok?”

Rather than “I got to go, work call…” and storming out of a restaurant.

That is the key sign it is the lack of transparency that is making you feel uneasy.

Again, especially if this person was never like this before but suddenly now, they are even more secretive when using their phone!

#2 – Intimacy is Down Massively

Many couples have many different types of intimacy problems.

Some people have fantastic sex lives, whilst others have completely dead bedrooms.

But regarding if your partner is cheating a lot, an increased LACK of intimacy is a huge tell-tale sign something is not quite right.

Again, ESPECIALLY if you and your partner were intimate a lot before too.

Why how is this a sign they might be cheating?

Well whilst it might be obvious to some there are more subtle things to look out for.

For example, if you have been together for a while sometimes intimacy can decrease over time.

People become more relaxed and comfortable with each other, life can get busy, and stressful.

However, if you have noticed your partner do the following:

Significantly improve their appearance

Train or workout harder than usual

Buy a lot of new outfits and clothing

Invest in some expensive jewellery

Act far more superficial

Chances are they are almost imitating or personifying the characteristics of a single person.

Single people look their best to attract a mate.

But why would they be doing all of that to not impress you, or get your libido going to jump into bed with them?

It is simple really because they are unfortunately doing it for somebody else.

It could be a co-worker, a friend, or somebody they just met online.

It does not matter who, but they are excited by the chase of it all.

So, if you see them getting all dolled up or looking super fresh for a “business meeting,” on a Tuesday night at a bar in town, you really need to stop being naïve.

A good way to test your partner on this is to ask them why you are no longer as intimate as you were before?

They may give the following excuse: “I am just really stressed out with work and stuff.”

When you are stressed out, you look stressed out.

You look down, a bit scruffy, very tired looking, and a bit depressed.

You do not look like you are about to go pull in a night club!

Differentiate the two!

#3 – They Are TOO Busy for You

Not only is a partner who is suddenly too busy for their partner a sign of a potential cheater, but also a sign of somebody who is lacking interest in you.

Here are some people who are NOT TOO busy for their partners:

Most Political World Leaders

Elon Musk

Warren Buffet

Just to name a few, some of the world’s most successful and powerful people on the planet have time for their partners despite the pressures they are under every day.

Yet, your partner has not got any time for you.

Or they keep cancelling plans?

Keep delaying plans?

Hardly spend any time with you at all.

Not even a vacation or a weekend away?

When that happens, there is extra cause for concern.

No, you are not being paranoid, there is something genuinely up with them.

I do not care what your job is or what is going on, there is always time for at least 1 hour of intimacy, conversation etc.

Some people work antisocial jobs, especially in the hospitality business.

But if they cannot allocate ANY time at all to you, they are extremely selfish and most likely sorry to admit choosing that time with somebody else.

Of course, most people could not be busy with work at all, and in fact are instead just choosing to pretend they are.

Why would they do that?

To give off the façade they are busy and instead use that time for them to get up to no good with somebody else, – despicable if you ask me.

If you have banged your had against a brick wall by insisting you talk, or at least have a date night and they keep cancelling or delaying you need to do the following:

Give them an ultimatum.

Whilst some people may find that harsh, you know what is just as harsh?

Having your time wasted on a selfish person who may be cheating on you.

Dedicate a time, no distractions, no phones, nothing just you and them and see if they give you all their attention and time, and tell them your concerns, be completely upfront about it.

Otherwise you will just constantly be suffering from anxiety and paranoia wondering what the hell is going on?! – Life is too short for that!

#4 – Over the Top Gift Giving

If your partner has hardly seen you, been intimate, and flaked on you recently yet is showering you with over the top gifts and expensive stuff it is the clearest sign they feel incredibly guilty.

The best gift is their time, and a romantic meal or an experience out WITH them.

Not a piece of jewellery, or an expensive watch etc.

What they are doing is thinking they can buy your forgiveness.

The over the top gift giving is the clearest sign they are a cheater.

A woman I know I suspected was being cheated on was showered with thousands of dollars’ worth of gifts right before she caught him.

Dior, Gucci you name it!

Yet what he would do is buy her the gifts and then pop straight out!

Straight to his affair, aka the person he was cheating with.

Do not be so naïve and wake up and smell the coffee.

If you feel guilty or appreciative of somebody you treat them to a lavish gift.

So again, they feel dreadfully guilty of stabbing you in the back and betraying you that they believe they can buy your forgiveness with presents.

This is also a NOTICEABLY clear sign if your partner is usually not so lavish.

What I mean by this is if your partner is usually a bit frugal with their finances or has never spent a considerable sum on you but suddenly has spent a fortune on unnecessary expensive gifts – wake up.

They are cheating on you.

In a moment of rare weakness, they are walking or driving with the guilt overwhelming them.

How they are thinking is:

“My partner is probably suspecting what I am up to, but if I go and buy them something luxurious to show how much I love them and care, they won’t suspect a thing.”

It is cheaper and tackier if anything.

If you have any self-control or discipline what you should do is the following in this scenario:

When you are met with the following over the top lavish gifts say the following:

“Thank you so much and you shouldn’t have, however I’d rather you send these gifts back and we spend it on a vacation or trip away just you and me.”

See how they respond to that because it is almost like calling their bluff.

Going away may be difficult for them, and it will insult their cheap and tacky attempt at fooling you to think they still love you and are loyal to you.

Try it out for yourself!

#5 – They Avoid ALL Future Talk

Have you ever discussed the following topics only to be either shot down or be completely ignored by your partner?

Becoming official

Getting married

Moving in together

Going abroad together

Meeting family

Getting engaged

Buying a property together

Buying a pet together

Having children together

Adopting a child together

Working together

Starting a business together

Opening a bank account together

All these and more are conversations about your future together, and frankly anybody who is avoiding that talk is most likely either thinking of breaking up or cheating.

Most idiots these days do not deal with their problems head on, and the cross their fingers and truly hope for the best to just work out for them.

So, any type of future planning with you in it at all is not in their hindsight.

These people clearly do not think because they are selfish and only are out to please themselves.

They do not even know what they are going to eat for dinner let alone moving in with you.

The right healthy and correct partner loves talking to you about the future.

If anything, them too are suggesting and planning with you.

Whereas the cheater or the narcissist is doing the opposite.

They avoid it at all costs, change the subject, insist things should go slow despite being together for almost 5 years.

Relationships grow and adapt.

If your person is not playing ball, pull them aside and discuss “where is this going?

Do not delay it any further or let them make any excuses.

When you confront a cheater or a liar head on, watch as they physically get uncomfortable because you are no longer putting up with their crap.

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Narcissism

What Makes the Narcissist Feel Sad?

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What Makes the Narcissist Feel Sad?

This post is about what makes the narcissist feel sad and miserable.

There are 7 things the narcissist does not like at all!

In fact, it makes these energy draining vampires utterly miserable!

I do not condone revenge or encourage it but sometimes life just happens, and the narcissist will just end up feeling upset!

I always stand by my personal mantra: “The narcissist always loses in the end.”

Chances are you have seen them filled with rage, or crying for no reason, and you are scratching your head thinking “what the hell is wrong with them?!”

There is a lot wrong with them unfortunately, A LOT.

So, whether you are still dealing with a narcissist or you are curious, I got you covered.

I will also use personal examples from my life, family, and ex relationships.

Here are seven things that make a narcissist sad and miserable:

#1 – Not Enough Attention

The narcissist thrives off attention aka “supply.”

Whether it be good attention as in admiration or praise, or negative attention such as drama and conflict the narcissist simply cannot live without it.

The supply you or anybody gives them is their drug.

They are like heroin addicts to their supply.

But for whatever reason the attention is turned away from them, not only do they get furious but sad.

Yes, they may even throw a temper tantrum or worse you will experience narcissistic rage.

One disgraceful narcissist that I knew was so upset that she was not getting any attention at a funeral of all places that she stormed off saying “I am leaving, nobody cares about me!”

Full disclosure, nobody chased after her.

But that is how low they will stoop, it does not matter where they are or what they are doing, if they genuinely believe they are being starved of attention they will fall to pieces.

This is what makes things so dangerous when you are dealing with one.

I remember going to a beautiful Michelin star restaurant with a ex narcissist girlfriend, and because I spoke to the waiter about where he was from for 2 minutes and starved her off attention she stormed off in a huff!

Yes, she got up with tears in her eyes and stormed off!

Sadly, I had no idea what the hell was going on at the time (I was so naïve), and I chased after her and our entire evening was completely ruined.

She acted like she had just been shot and acted like a drama queen!

#2 – Your Success

When I told my ex narcissist, I was having success in my busines how do you think she reacted?

She broke down in tears AGAIN!

When we were supposed to be celebrating.

Instead of celebrating she caused me nothing but bloody grief!

I was greeted with misery on the day of one of my biggest triumphs in my business.

The narcissist hates you doing well, and any success you have or encounter because it makes them feel bad about their own lives and careers.

Unlike healthy normal people, narcissists are comparing themselves to everybody, especially you!

So, if you are doing well, they are extremely jealous of you, and they hate anything good or positive you go on to achieve, because it makes them look bad in comparison.

Remember they are comparing you constantly!

#3 – Ignoring Them

Like attention and supply, ignoring a narcissist will make them utterly miserable.

I will again use an example of my ex narcissist girlfriend when we went out to dinner with some of my closest friends for the first time.

Also, this was her first time meeting them too!

It was a lovely couple around the same age as us early 30’s.

When me and my ex were out with my friends and on our way back to my buddies’ house, we discovered they had unfortunately been burgled!

They had ransacked the place and were utterly traumatized.

My friend and his partner were in tears and I took it upon myself to comfort them, hug them as much as I could.

I helped them clear up the mess.

I called the police for them.

And I also did whatever I could to help the situation.

Meanwhile my ex narcissist just stood at a distance quiet the whole time.

And on our journey home I was saying how awful it was to see what had happened to my poor unfortunate friends.

And with that she suddenly burst into tears.

She was so miserable and upset, and I assumed she was crying about the burglary, but this is what she said.

“You all ignored me, I felt so alone at the house! Why do you hate me!?”

#4 – Insults or Banter

Unlike most healthy and decent people who can take a joke, narcissists are the most extremely sensitive people you will ever meet.

I will once again use an example from one of my ex narcissistic girlfriends.

We had been dating for a while and we had arranged to go out for dinner one evening.

I was still getting to know her, but I was always teasing her a little bit too, it was how I flirted with her.

Whenever I did, she would always go quiet, and she asked me “what if I decide not to turn for dinner tonight then eh?”

And I responded, “well if that happens, I will have to take movie star Megan Fox instead of you then!”

To which even though it was just some light-hearted banter she burst into tears.

“You hate me I am ugly; you prefer other women!” etc, etc.

Narcissists cannot take a joke, especially if that joke can potentially damage their ego.

And the same goes for light-hearted banter which is basically self-defecating humour.

Find yourself a person who can laugh at themselves and take a joke, not somebody you have to tread on eggshells with.

#5 – More Attractive or Popular People

A narcissist cannot stand more attractive or popular people.

It makes them utterly miserable as they are constantly comparing themselves to everybody and anybody and it is why they are the way that they are, which is manipulative jealous and toxic creatures.

One of my ex narcissists hated going to bars and parties.

Because it would involve other people aka other women.

Taller women

More successful women.

Women who have more personality, basically almost any other type of woman other than her!

She could not handle it, and once again would burst into tears and feel inadequate and utterly miserable with herself.

A narcissist may even accuse you of cheating or leaving them in situations like this too.

Because despite their enormous ego, they truly hate themselves deep down.

So, exposure particularly in a social environment to “competition,” in their eyes makes them so sad they cannot even function.

Find yourself a person who is comfortable and content with who they are, and not so superficial.

#6 – Things They Do Not Understand

If something is curious, difficult to grasp, requires empathy, or is a little out of their educational capacity, it will make the narcissist miserable.

The narcissist unlike other people hates what they do not understand, and it really makes them sad.

For example, if a narcissist cannot grasp how to drive as it requires discipline and the desire to learn etc, they will refuse to do it.

Sad to admit I was dating a woman who refused to drive because she did not want to learn and every time, she learnt she hated listening to the instructor, and thought she knew better.

And of course, it really made her cry fake crocodile tears too.

Just like a dictator believes they are always right, and they always know best, so does the narcissist.

So why on earth would they waste their time learning something or grasping something difficult?

They believe their arrogance carries them through whatever they wish to do.

They do not need to learn something challenging, and if they don’t understand it, rather then admitting it like a normal healthy person, they break down and cry or act utterly miserable, blaming everybody else and everything else for their problems.

#7 – Exposing Their Lies

Want to see anarcissist sad and miserable? – Expose them for their lies.

I remember finding out an ex narcissist lied to me about the following:

Her job

Her ex boyfriends

Her past

Her family

Her financial situation

Her criminal history!

Yup, it was not all sunshine and rainbows with her.

And when I exposed her with proof, yes actual physical proof, AND witnesses on all the following, what do you expect happened?

She broke down and cried and denied it all.

Yes, ANY narcissist knows deep down in their hearts that they are truthfully deceitful and lying scumbags.

And by calling them out on their lies and their bullshit, you are basically showing the world and yourself at the same time what they are like when the mask is slipped.

The narcissist is a lie, and their life is a lie.

Find yourself somebody who is not a pathological liar and is normal and health.

Categories
Narcissism

What Happens When You Leave a Narcissist First

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What Happens When You Leave a Narcissist First?

This post is about what happens when you leave a narcissist first.

There are 5 incredibly significant things that can happen when you leave a narcissist first.

This post can apply to men and women.

Leaving a narcissist can be an incredibly challenging and traumatic thing to do.

You are confused, overwhelmed, extremely emotional and feel like you are almost on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Or worse you are already going through one.

But by leaving the narcissist first, you are basically beating the inevitable.

The narcissist was always planning on leaving you, sadly you just didn’t know it yet.

They most likely have cheated on you or were planning to cheat on you anytime soon.

So, it is from my personal experience that I highly recommend checking out before they leave you.

You save yourself a hell of a lot of time, energy, and you are more likely to heal better by doing so.

Leaving a narcissist first allows you to get the upper hand too, not that it is important of course.

But remember getting one over on the narcissist can be extremely difficult.

Put it this way, they are impossible to communicate with, they never see things from your angle, they are always causing trouble etc.

So, pat yourself on the back for once gaining a bit of a win over these toxic individuals.

That is of course if you have already left them.

However, if you have not and are thinking about doing so here are 5 things in order that normally happen when you leave a narcissist first in a relationship:

#1 – Narcissistic Rage

The narcissist will be furious with you if you leave them first.

Why is that?

It is simple:

Because you have beat them to it.

You have exposed them for the frauds, the cheats, the abusers, the liars, the toxic individuals they truly are.

They never ever like losing, they are sadistic adult spoilt brats who believe everything, and anything should be given to them for little to no effort.

Therefore you leaving them first, is the biggest shock and loss to them.

They cannot understand how this has happened.

They purposely manipulated you, they twisted your reality, they did everything in their powers to make you stay with them.

However, despite all their dark tactics somehow you built up the courage to leave them.

So, they are furious!

They will shout, scream and they will be so angry that you have caught onto the charade that is a narcissistic relationship.

#2 – They Will Give You Further Abuse

The abuse you will receive leaving a narcissist first is vastly different to the abuse you received before.

Behind closed doors they can do or say whatever they like almost.

But because now you have left, the abuse is still evident but not quite the same.

They will hurl names at you, they will scream at you, they will shout your neighbourhood down – IF you let them.

Because one important and vital rule you must adhere to when leaving the narcissist is to immediately try to go no contact.

That way you are shutting off the supply, therefore they will no longer have nobody to hurl obscenities and so on to.

Because they are filled with rage that you left them, they feel they are entitled to abuse you further.

They believe you will not stand up to them, but you do not need to get into a slagging match or an abusive argument.

Just do the following:

Do not allow them to talk to you, stick to no contact, do not see them, do not revisit them.

Cut contact and begin your healing journey.

#3 – They Will Threaten You

So after they act all furious and abuse you further will begin the most destructive and despicable game the narcissist will play with you.

They will threaten you.

The narcissist will threaten to ruin your life.

The narcissist will threaten to hurt you.

The narcissist will threaten to destroy your business.

The narcissist will threaten to destroy your family.

The narcissist will threaten to get people to deal with you.

The narcissist will threaten anything that will make your life miserable.

Sadly I have had narcissists tell me all the above.

Luckily if you have gone no contact and no longer see them etc, you will not have to hear this disgusting information.

It is mostly just words, but even if they do say whatever they threaten you with, show the texts, the emails to the authorities.

I would also strongly recommend getting a restraining order.

If they turn up to your house, do not answer.

I remember feeling anxious leaving my own home due to the disgusting threats my ex narcissist made towards me.

But when I realized it was all just words and lies and them overreacting due to the fact that I left them I slowly but surely go on with my life.

Just expect to hear these awful things, and do not be afraid to tell a confident or the police about such awful threats.

The narcissist is a liar, so everything they say is a lie.

You have nothing to be afraid of.

#4 – They Will Beg for Forgiveness

So once they have finished abusing you, raging, and threatening to make your life a further living hell, they will begin the weirdest stage of all:

They will beg for forgiveness.

Yes, this happens!

The narcissist will tell you how sorry they are, and how stupid they have been.

It will be like something out of a movie – but do not forget narcissists are actors.

Yes, they can mould and act into whatever they want to GET whatever they want.

So, if they are telling you everything you want to hear (assuming you are in dialogue with them which you shouldn’t be), you are leading yourself down a trap door.

And that trap door will lead you right back into their arms where you think that they have changed and were so in love and happy.

WRONG!

It is ALL an act.

They are trying to lure you back into their dark web, like the pied piper, or a predator.

It is the sickest and most twisted game they play.

They try to convince you and assure you they have genuinely changed – it is a lie.

They will try to convince you and even tell you all the things you told them in the past.

For example, in the past if you told them to stop drinking, they will say “I need to stop drinking!”

It is all an act, it is all a lie, do not fall for it.

I want you to laugh to yourself when they beg for you to forgive them.

Because you will see it coming, and you will not believe how alike all narcissists really are.

#5 – Consistent Hoovering

So once the rage, the abuse, the threats, and the begging for forgiveness have occurred the narcissist will consistently hoover you.

The term “hoovering” comes from the brand name vacuum, Hoover. A vacuum sucks up things. Manipulators like narcissists will try to suck you back after you’ve gotten out or even after they’ve discarded you. The goal of hoovering is to use any means necessary to get you back under control.

They will never stop doing this after you leave them.

I remember when I got emails (the only form of contact I allowed with ex narcissists) saying how wonderful our relationship was and how dark a place they were in.

I was told how perfect I am, and how I can never be replaced.

I was told how hurt they are, and they cannot go on without me.

It is all a manipulation tactic.

Granted right after you left them there will be a period where you will feel down and downright miserable.

Breakups with narcissists are awful because there is no closure at all!

However, that is when you are emotionally at your weakest, and the hoover attempts will be at their strongest.

Remain no contact.

Do not see them.

Do not respond to them.

Do not fall for their traps.

You will have six months initially of hell in your healing period and recovery.

But I assure you that you will recover, things will get better, and it DOES get easier.

Just stay faithful, be careful, and everything is going to be fine.

Trust me.

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Narcissism

Why is it So Hard to Leave a Narcissist in Your Life

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The post is about why is it so hard to leave a narcissist in your life?

The best way to begin this post is for me to go into detail on my own personal experiences involving a romantic partner who was a narcissist.

As I am writing this right now, it is almost a year ago to the day since I walked away from a long-term relationship involving a narcissist.

The world has changed tremendously since then, with the pandemic amongst other things, but what about myself in terms of my romantic life etc?

Well I can tell you that when I was dating a narcissist, I was stressed out a lot, I had so much drama in my life, and I was so miserable I couldn’t even remember what it was like to feel and be happy.

So exactly a year later regarding my life after the narcissist, it is genuinely better without them.

Yes, life has thrown curve balls at me and my family, but regarding the ex- narcissist in my life it is significantly better without them in it.

Why is that you ask?

Because narcissists are like energy vampires who suck the living daylights out of you.

They ruin your life.

Yes this is YOUR life, not theirs, and I do not even care if you are married to them.

You got into this world alone, and you can go alone if need be to heal from the abuse.

As a year surpassed from one of the hardest yet greatest decisions I had ever made in my entire life, I asked myself another question constantly:

WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I DO IT SOONER?

Why did I waste several years with such a toxic, annoying, destructive individual?

Which inspired me to do this post, why is it SO hard to leave a narcissist?

By the way this can apply to a family member, a colleague, a friend, a boss, whoever.

But for the sake of discussion let me focus on a romantic relationship.

Why is it so hard to leave a romantic relationship with a narcissist?

As some of my followers may or may not know I was a former gambling addict for almost 20 years.

Luckily I kicked the addiction to the curb all by myself in 2019 and have been clean ever since, with no desire to ever gamble again.

And like gambling I realized that being with a narcissist is unfortunately like having a drug or gambling addiction.

You genuinely feel EVEN if you are the most confident and self-assured person, that you cannot function or live without that person.

You are addicted to the narcissist.

Yes, you need to hear this, so please treat this like an intervention.

I am telling you exactly what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.

You have a problem.

The narcissist in your life is destroying everything.

They are destroying your self-esteem, your career, your social life, your sleep, your health, your family, everything.

They are no different to a parasite or a virus.

And it is time that you got cured of your addiction.

Let us first look at how you got yourself into this mess with a narcissist, so we can then outline how the hell you are going to get out.

When you first met them, most likely you were swept away by just how attractive they were.

And if you are at all a little insecure, you probably thought “there is no way that someone THAT good looking will like me.”

Newsflash you are worthy, and anybody will be lucky to have you!

And what happened initially was most likely the beginning of the trauma bonding.

Aka manipulating you to become reliant and addicted to them.

I was a confident self-assured guy before I met my ex narcissist.

But that goes all out the window when the love bombing begins.

The narcissist will make out to you almost like a professional actor how they are the greatest person you have ever met.

They are easy going, so sexual and romantic, you will feel like you have met your soul mate.

They will do whatever you want, however you want, and you want to shout out from the roof tops just how much you are in love with them.

By that stage and you are fully committed, dating, or married even comes the part where you trust them.

You ask them to do something, and they will do it.

It could be even borrowing money, or a car or anything.

They have painted a picture that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, so why not trust them surely?

I mean you love them, and they love you, why be so cynical and negative?

After that period is where the harsh reality eventually sets in.

You need to become aware that life is sadly not all unicorns and rainbows.

There are nasty, malevolent, and evil people out in the world that WILL cause you harm if you allow them to.

So, buck your ideas up and learn the harsh lessons of life.

After the love and trust stage begins the criticism.

It could be about your appearance, or your job, or even how you are as a person.

“Why do you like making jokes?”

Yes, that was one zinger I received from my narcissist.

That will begin the stage where your insecurities spike.

You were led to believe that you were this perfect person, but in their eyes now you are not that at all.

You are like a stranger, and they have gone cold, distant as well as being critical.

You apologize and then begins the next stage, living up to unbelievable standards.

You can buy them a Rolex or even take them on a trip around the world, but it will NEVER be good enough for the narcissist.

And suddenly you are the problem, NOT them.

They turn up late, they cancel last minute, they cheat on you, but somehow, it’s your fault.

Somehow YOU are the problem, and they are perfect.

And because narcissists can be so damn evil, they go around telling everybody how it’s you who are the problem, to line up an army of supporters.

You are trapped.

Damned if you do, damned if you do not.

You believe they are amazing and the best you’ll ever get, so you cannot leave them.

You believe YOU are the issues, and that it’s YOUR fault that things are going wrong.

You are confused, hurt, trapped, and in agony.

How the heck can you possibly solve this problem?

Everybody who genuinely loves you knows you are dealing with a narcissist.

You have been told you are not yourself, and that they are the problem.

You know in your heart and in your gut that it is THEM that are the issue.

So why is it so hard to leave them?

Because you have been sold a lie.

You have been convinced this person loves you the way you love them.

WRONG.

You believe that they trust you.

WRONG.

You believe they are normal and good people.

WRONG.

Everything you fell for and did with them is a lie.

It was all just one big façade to make THEM feel good about themselves.

You are no different to a shiny designer handbag, or a flashy car.

You are supply.

You are their drug, a little how they are yours.

So now you know truth there is only one thing left for you to do.

WALK AWAY!

That is right, plan your exit strategy, and walk away.

If you have children or are married it will be more complicated of course.

However, it is essential you do this sooner rather than later.

Because if you do this first, you are delaying the inevitable.

The inevitable being the narcissist leaving YOU.

Yes, they will leave you, or at the very least constantly cheat on you.

There is an unfortunately particularly good chance they already have, several times too.

I know this is hard to read, but you need to.

And when you walk away you cut contact and IF you MUST speak to them keep it to JUST emails.

You will be greeted with narcissistic rage upon your departure.

It is because they are angry, they have been caught and that you realized how disgusting they can be.

Ride the wave.

Cut contact, do not reply.

Do not entertain their calls, do not accept to meet.

You will see them grovel; you hear them badmouth you.

You will see the lowest of the low behaviour which will only disgust you more.

Upon reflection leaving the narcissist in my life was easy.

And yes, you will grieve your relationship, but use me as your motivation.

It DOES get easier!

You will be so much less stressed.

You will be happier.

Everything will be fine, trust me.