How to Walk Alone with Confidence
This post is about how to walk alone with confidence.
Walking alone and with confidence is not easy, and I have 5 simple things you must understand if you wish to do this successfully.
Walking alone is never easy in life:
Whether you are walking away from your job
Walking away from your career
Walking away from your relationship
Walking away from your friends
Walking away from your marriage
Walking away from your home
Walking away from your family
I was taught from an incredibly young age that if something or somebody is not good enough for you or is causing you harm, the best thing to do is not fight back, but to walk away.
In fact, my grandfather was the one who taught me this very lesson, he said:
“Walk away from whatever is not good for you.”
Why do people not do this more often?
Why do people stay in toxic relationships?
Why do people tolerate abuse and bullying?
Why do people stay in their comfort zones?
Because it is exactly that, they choose comfort, familiarity, and everything they already know, rather than the unknown.
The fear of the unknown is what keeps people in jobs they hate, cities they despise, and relationships with people they no longer love.
Most people lack the confidence and the curiosity to realize they deserve better.
The average person will stay in a relationship, job, or tolerate the abuse of other people because they genuinely believe there is no other solution.
I am dead serious about this!
They have convinced themselves this is it for their lives, and it is better to just accept it rather than take the risk and see what is out there for them.
I have successfully walked away from jobs, family, friends, and toxic relationships and I am here to assure you and promise you that better is out there.
YES, the grass is greener!
YES, you can and will achieve better!
I will teach you how to walk alone with confidence too in these five simple steps:
#1 – Accept the Seasons of Life
When you decide to walk alone whether from a relationship or just for a sustained period, understand that you are now entering into a new season of life.
What do I mean by season of life?
Like the summer and winter, we have seasons of the year, and in terms of your life this will now be the season of walking alone.
Please note this is NOT the season of LONELINESS.
This is the season of walking alone.
There is a particularly good possibility you are reading this post because just like how I once felt too you are utterly fed up with your current situation.
You have most likely consumed a great deal of content or are just starting out on what to do and how to think when it is time to make that big decision and walk alone.
But most likely you are going through the following emotions:
What I am trying to get you to do is now to prepare yourself for the season of walking alone.
Your phone will not ring as much.
Your social life may take a hit.
You may cry.
You may feel vulnerable.
You may feel very emotional.
But rest assured and trust me on this that this is only temporary, aka this is a season of walking alone, not a lifetime unless of course that is what you want it to be.
I would highly recommend doing a pros and cons or writing a list of the reasons why you are considering walking alone.
Do not share this private information with anybody!
When I was on the verge of leaving my ex-narcissist girlfriend, I made a long list of all the reasons why I did what I did.
People have TRULY short memories and can often forget why they walk away or alone.
And sure enough that moment when I was alone and considering going back I would read that list and remind myself why I chose to walk away.
Make sure you do the same thing, and remember this season is only temporary.
#2 – Re-evaluation
When we are overwhelmed with negative thoughts, experiences, and people we can find it extremely hard to think straight at all.
And if you are not thinking straight guess what will happen?
You will make more mistakes
Do things you regret
Go spiralling out of control
Get yourself into an almighty mess
When I was with a toxic partner, I had no idea what I was doing, in fact looking back I felt like I was on complete auto pilot in my life.
In fact, I remember trying to get things done at work but feeling this overwhelming weight on my shoulders weighing me down constantly.
I could not concentrate or focus, and my work life and career took a big hit.
If you are ambitious and want to live a fulfilling life you cannot afford to have such a personal burden going on constantly in the back of your mind.
That is why when you walk alone to do it confidently you need to start revaluating and thinking very clearly.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Why are you walking away?
When are you walking away?
Why are you never going back?
What have you learnt?
What steps are you taking to ensure this does not happen again?
What future do you see for yourself?
What can you do to make yourself happy?
It is so important you take this very seriously; this is your life we are talking about here.
This can apply to your career, social life, your marriage, relationships, it does not matter.
Walking alone will allow you to have a breather and take a step back from it all.
If you are constantly being bombarded by others and worse being abused how on earth are you going to think clearly about your situation?
Answer = you will not.
I remember sitting at a coffee shop after walking away from some toxic friends who were really bringing me down several years ago.
And I said to myself “my god, these people never cared about me as their friend, they just wanted an excuse to go out and get drunk every night.”
#3 – Regain Self-Respect
Walking alone and walking away with confidence go hand in hand in the redevelopment of your self-esteem and of course your self-respect.
What exactly does it take to have self-respect?
These days I see it all the time that people will tolerate almost any form of toxic behaviour because they are afraid of confrontation or do not know how to handle it.
Does that sound like you?
Do you avoid conflict?
Are you afraid to stand up for yourself?
Do you tolerate negative behaviour?
Sadly, in modern times this is what most people do.
Young people think just ignoring somebody over text aka ghosting by not replying is the perfect way to make somebody they dislike go away.
Whilst that may work on some people you cannot ghost your friends, your job or spouse in real life, so you need to grow up if you think that is your solution to every problem.
You cannot close your eyes and cross your fingers hoping your problems will go away without doing something about it.
It takes courage and strength to walk away.
It takes confidence to walk away.
It takes self-respect to walk away.
By not walking away and allowing whatever your scenario is to fester and multiply, you are no longer treating yourself with self-respect.
And as I have said time and time again in my content:
“If you give somebody an inch, they will take a mile.”
If you naively think that people will not take advantage of you, or “nobody would ever do that to me,” then you need to really grow up and realise the truth.
The world is not all sunshine and rainbows, it is a very mean and nasty place, and no matter how tough you think you are it will BEAT you to your knees if you let it.
And there is some manipulative, nasty and evil people out in the world, and if you let them into your lives, be ready to see your world implode.
A person who has self-respect recognizes what is and what is unacceptable.
Aka, they develop and maintain healthy boundaries.
And once those boundaries or a metaphorical line has been crossed, they walk away.
If nobody else tells you I will, have some respect for yourself!
By walking alone, you will start to respect yourself more realizing you will not take any crap thrown your way, and its YOUR way or the HIGHWAY!
#4 – Standards and Boundaries
Walking alone will give you the confidence to have standards and healthy boundaries.
What does it mean to have a healthy boundary?
Based on my own personal experience I believe having boundaries is having the mental strength and resilience to protect yourself from abuse of any type.
Abuse can take many forms:
Having a healthy boundary is the ability to say no, to walk away and ultimately have the right amount of self-respect to no longer tolerate such toxic and abusive behaviour.
Think of yourself as a parent, and that toxic person or people as your child.
You can either sit there and let them get away with murder, OR tell them you will no longer allow or tolerate it any longer, and if it continues walk away and find yourself better and healthier people to associate yourself with.
I often use the analogy of having no boundaries at all is like opening the door to your house and telling everybody to come in and do whatever they want!
What do you think will happen to your home?
Your Valuables will be damaged
Your Valuables will be destroyed
Your Valuables will be stolen
So why are you therefore allowing the world to do this to your emotions, your soul and overall wellbeing?
When we let narcissists into our lives and tolerate them, it is no different to our home valuables and collectibles being destroyed.
Luckily for me I learnt from an early age that when somebody or a group of people cross that line and do what I would never do to them I walk away and never return.
If you are unsure how to set standards and boundaries, I will give you a simple exercise for you to carry out alone:
Make a list of all the things you are willing to tolerate from people, and then all the dealbreakers aka stealing, lying, bullying etc.
And make sure you know this list off by heart, so you know certain behaviours to look out for and to avoid in the future.
#5 – Associate with People Who Want the Best for You
By this point if you are ready to walk alone with confidence the final piece of the jigsaw is to start slowly reintroducing people and things back into your life.
You would have most likely:
Accepted the season of being alone
Regained your self-respect
Developed healthy boundaries
The final stage after you have done the healing, rediscovered yourself and followed all the steps I have suggested you are ready to come out of that season of walking alone.
Do not get me wrong some people wish to walk alone and be lone wolfs for the rest of their lives, and there is nothing wrong with that at all.
But say you want to date again, say you want to make new friends, start a new career, travel, or move somewhere?
You are giving yourself a fresh start, and you have hopefully done the mental work to rebuilding yourself up from beforehand.
That is why you must now associate with good healthy people.
Make friends with people who want the best for you.
Hopefully, you now know what toxic; evil and manipulative people are like as you have noticed familiar patterns in others that you meet.
Or even people you already know.
Use your experience and knowledge to avoid them like the plague and instead go out into the world looking for what you deserve which is better.
But walk with confidence doing so, knowing that the best is yet to come.
I genuinely believe that, if you follow all these steps you will be on your way to a better overall life my friend.