How to Grow Up Mentally and Emotionally
This post is about how to grow up mentally and emotionally.
There are 5 fundamental things a person must know to understand how to grow up mentally and emotionally.
Everybody knows the story of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up and is the king of Never Neverland and the lost boys.
Whilst as a child that sounds like a dream aka being a child for eternity, yet as I have grown up and gotten older, I realized that does not sound like much fun at all.
Being carefree and the king of the lost boys, means in my opinion being king of the losers, the lowlifes, the nothings.
And whilst Hakuna Matata and having no worries is certainly enjoyable, there is more enjoyment and satisfaction in going through a storm and getting to the rainbow than never experiencing life’s trials and tribulations at all.
Maybe I am alone in my thinking, however growing up mentally and especially emotionally is something we all must do.
My father had a saying “you become an adult the minute you turn 18 years old, and with that you are on your own in this world.”
Whilst I agree with my father, I noticed that most people do not ever grow up mentally after a certain age they hit.
For example, I know people well into their sixties who have the emotional or mental age of a bunch of teenagers.
Does that mean that when they were teenagers, they stopped growing up emotionally and mentally?
It is extremely possible.
If you are reading this it is most likely you have been told to either “grow up,” or “start acting your age too.”
But that doesn’t mean stop enjoying the things you did as a child, as that is what makes you the person you are today.
I am still a gamer, I still collect comics, I still enjoy animated movies because that is what makes me the person I am.
Do not stop doing what you love, regardless of what people say it being “immature” etc.
I know people in their sixties who collect and play with Pokémon cards!
So, you are not alone if you do this too.
But this post is different, this post is learning the fundamental steps to take to grow up mentally and emotionally.
To realize that there are some certain steps and important mindset and mental adjustments you must make to grow.
Life without growth is a life not worth living.
#1 – Start Standing Up for Yourself
A good first step to emotional and mental maturity is learning to stand up for yourself.
Most people have relied on friends and family most of their lives to fight their battles for them, and they have never built or had the courage to stand up for what they believe in.
These people go through life having it dictated to them by everybody from their parents, older siblings, friends, teacher, boss, and even their spouse.
That is why you must learn to stand up for yourself, and what you believe in.
It is important to realize the following:
You have your own opinion
You have your own curiosity
You have your own rights
You have your own destiny
You have your own life
Strict families such as in Greek and Asian cultures are the sort where they will always see their children as children.
Regardless of age.
I have a friend who is 42 with two kids and he is a successful Dr, and yet his mother and father still treat him like their “little boy.”
But my Dr friend stood up for himself.
They wanted him in the family business, he said no to become a surgeon.
They wanted him to take part in an arranged marriage, he said no and found his own wife.
They wanted him to move in with them, he said no and bought his own house.
Whilst this may seem like a pretty flat example, my Dr friend didn’t go about this easily.
His parents moaned, cried, and caused many conflicts as they were so “disappointed” that their son was not doing as he was being told.
Yet he went on to do what he wanted, and eventually they came round to accepting his way of life and are at peace.
What do you need to stand up for?
Is there a career you want to pursue?
Is there somewhere you want to live?
Is there a business you want to start?
Go for it and realize that the only person that is going to make it happen is you.
I am not saying fight with your family, but to be mentally mature you must stand up for yourself.
#2 – Learning More
Education does not end at School or College.
You can learn something new right up to your dying day.
And thanks to the internet I have managed to learn how to do the following:
How to write and publish a book
How to start a YouTube Channel
How to leave a Narcissist
How to deal with my emotions
How to train properly at the gym
How to eat a healthy diet
How to save money
How to invest money
How to hold a conversation
How to date a woman
This may come as a shock to you, but YouTube is so much more than funny cat videos and vlogs featuring Logan Paul.
It is an encyclopaedia full of likeminded people who can help you understand and improve yourself as a person.
What is it you always wanted to learn?
What is it you know nothing about?
What is something you want to learn how to do but never knew how?
I just recently discovered a community of watch enthusiasts for small wrists.
All my life I had a small wrist and had no idea how to buy a watch and what to buy etc.
And just this year I purchased the perfect watch for myself and I am smiling as I type this out and look at it sat perfectly on my wrist.
To be emotionally and mentally mature you need to keep learning.
You need to learn how to develop as a person.
You need to learn how to have a good relationship.
You need to learn how to have a successful career.
You need to learn how to start and maintain a business.
You need to learn basic psychology to avoid the wrong type of evil people.
You need to learn how to live a better life.
If you are not willing to learn, nobody can help you. However, if you are determined to learn, then nobody can stop you!
#3 – Responding NOT Reacting
What is the difference between responding and reacting?
Well I can assure you; they are vastly different indeed.
This will tackle your emotional intelligence and maturity.
I will give you a very personal example of when I was dating a narcissist.
My narcissist would be abusive and throw insults at me and belittle me.
If I reacted, I would scream back at her, “SHUT UP I HATE YOU!”
Meanwhile responding would be like this, “I do not condone your behaviour at all, I’m off have a good life.”
Do you see the difference?
Let me use another example: let us say a woman has rejected me for no good reason after a few dates and things were going well.
React: “No! Give me another chance! Why?! What did I do wrong?! Please!”
Respond: “Ok all the best, take care.”
Do you see the difference?
Let me use one more example, a friend has betrayed you and done something awful to you:
React: “How could they?! I am so distraught! I hate them! I swear revenge on them?!”
Respond: “Well clearly they are not the right friend to me, onwards and upwards.”
Do you see the difference?
It is obvious to see an enormous difference between choosing to respond to a situation and choosing to react.
A reaction traditionally is a very emotional, quick, tense, aggressive thing, without much thought or logic behind it at all.
Whereas a response is thought through, calmer, non-aggressive and in YOUR overall best interest too.
I am not suggesting for you to become a Buddhist monk, but when things get untenable or difficult you can always walk away.
You do not need to scream.
You do not need to cry.
You do not need to fight.
You do not need to bring yourself down to another person’s level.
Instead you can have the emotional maturity to realize that this situation is beneath you, and you don’t need to waste your time to it and move on.
Think like a winner, and realize you deserve better and just move on to what you deserve.
#4 – Toxic Habits
Why do kids love candy so much?
Because it tastes so damn good, but also most interestingly of all, it is not so readily available to us.
When I was a kid my mother never let me consume too much candy as she said it was bad for my teeth and too much sugar is not good for you either.
Mother was right.
But when we start getting a bit older and mother isn’t around to see what do we always do?
We do what we want, aka consume as much candy as possible.
This is dangerous because this can transfer to other things in life.
We can become very addicted to toxic habits, and as a former gambling addict myself I knew this all so well.
For years as a kid I saw my grandfather gamble all his money away and I thought to myself “how could he do such a thing?”
And once I became an adult I too was engaged in such activities.
I could not have been more of a hypocrite.
Fortunately, I am clean and sober and remain to be for the rest of my life without a desire to ever gamble ever again.
What has this got to do with mental maturity?
Your parents only want what is best for you, hence why they don’t want you to consume too much candy and sugar.
As the Ancient Greeks used to preach “everything in moderation.”
So, to grow up mentally you have got to be mature enough to realize:
Smoking is bad for me
Gambling is bad for me
Drugs are bad for me
Overeating is bad for me
Drinking too much alcohol is bad for me
Look at Pinocchio, who gets taken to Pleasure Island with all the other boys who want to smoke, gamble, and play all day.
What happens to them?
They all get turned into Donkeys and become slaves for their new master the coachmen.
Do not become a donkey.
Avoid toxic habits to grow up mentally, please trust me on this.
#5 – More Responsibility
Why are things so carefree for you as a child?
Because everything is taken care of for you:
You are chauffeured everywhere
Therefore, for you to truly become more mentally and emotionally mature you must start taking more and more responsibility.
You are responsible for your actions
You are responsible for your emotions
You are responsible for your career
You are responsible for your relationships
You are responsible for where you live
You are responsible for how you look
You are responsible for how you feel
You are responsible for your health
You are responsibly for your money
You are responsible for everything in your life
Once you start viewing your life in this manner instead of blaming the government, your negative relatives, your family, the weather you will immediately grow up.
You will start to understand that acting more responsibly is not only essential for maturity but also for a better overall life.
Remember the following quotes:
Adults are only kids grown up, anyway.
Never mind your happiness; do your duty.
Maturity is not measured by age; it is instead an attitude built on experience.