Are You Addicted to Love?
This post is about are you addicted to love?
There are five clear signs that you may be suffering from overwhelming love addiction.
One of my favourite songs of all time is Robert Palmer’s classic rock hit “Addicted to Love.”
And in that track are the following lyrics:
“Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another kiss is what it takes
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
Another kiss is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love”
Does this sound like you at all?
Have you ever felt any of the emotions above?
I took a quick Google search to see what Love addiction is:
“While the term “love addiction” may be controversial among mental health professionals, having an overwhelming or obsessive compulsion toward love or a loved one is not uncommon. Love addictions are formed as a defense against psychological pain.”
Are you overwhelmingly obsessed with love?
Are you overwhelmingly obsessed with a loved one?
Are you overwhelmingly obsessed with the pursuit of a relationship?
Are you overwhelmingly obsessed with romance in general?
Chances are you are addicted to love.
This is not a good thing, because sadly any type of addiction is not healthy.
As the ancient Greeks famously said, “you can indulge in anything you want, however try to do everything in moderation.”
Obsessions and addictions of any kind and any form is not a good way to live.
In fact, you run the risk of doing more harm to your life than good.
And as a former gambling addict who is now completely clean and sober, I can assure you that addictions of any sort must be treated properly.
Here are five clear signs you may be addicted to love:
#1 – Rushing into Relationships
One obvious sign you may be unhealthily addicted to love is the fact you have a track history of just rushing into relationships.
The thought of being single is one you cannot stand, and the very fact you are alone with yourself terrifies you.
I knew a lovely woman who wanted to be in a relationship so badly that she offered to pay for everything and do whatever I wanted.
I rejected her politely but what did she do? – She did this to every single man she found attractive or worthy of dating.
Sadly for her one chump accepted and within only 6 months they were engaged!
Then they got married which SHE paid for and bought a house that SHE paid for too!
It turned out the guy was a lazy so and so, who never worked, had a dodgy past, and came from a toxic family.
He was abusive, negative, and violent.
She got divorced within the first year, and moved back home with her parents after blowing all her money on an utter sham of a relationship.
This may seem like an extreme example, but it is one that is happening more frequently than you’d imagine.
In fact most people who rush into relationships are doing so to fill a void in their lives.
It could be for several reasons:
All their friends are married or in relationships
They feel they are missing out
They are desperate
What is the point in a good healthy relationship?
I’ll tell you, to work as a team, to be happy, to possibly have kids, but ultimately to spend the rest of your lives together.
This is quite an important and serious thing aka choosing your life partner.
Why on earth would you rush that?
Why on earth would you settle for the first person you find?
Why on earth would you bully somebody into settling down with you?
Because you are addicted to love.
Because you feel without love you cannot function.
And you feel without love in your life you feel utterly hopeless and useless.
#2 – Neglect Opportunities, Friends & Family
Are you the type of person that does the following when you start dating or even just seeing somebody early on?
Do you prioritize socializing with them over your friends?
Do you prioritize socializing with them over your family?
Do you drop everything just to see them?
Do you cancel plans with anybody that is not them?
Do their needs matter more than your friends?
Do their needs matter more than your family?
You will do anything to make them happy over anybody else?
When somebody neglects close family and friends especially early on when dating somebody new there is an exceptionally good chance they are addicted to love.
This comes from the insecurity to need somebody.
Love addicts feel that the person they are seeing is special however will not stick around for too long either.
And with this insecurity comes doubt, and therefore the need to do whatever it takes to make them happy.
That would include dropping friends and family for them.
Here are some personal stories I will share:
I know a guy who gave up playing professional football to date a girl who ended up cheating on him with his best friends.
Now he works in a supermarket.
I know another girl who gave up a scholarship just to date a guy who ended up breaking up with her because he did not want a relationship.
Now she is unemployed.
I know a guy who lost all his friends to date a girl he was obsessed with and moved 100s of miles away from them all.
Now he is broke, alone and without a friend in the world.
I know girl who tried to divorce her family because they insisted that the guy she was dating was not right for her.
Now she is a single mother whilst her former ex-lover is doing time in prison for dealing drugs and arson.
Friends come and go, as do lovers, and people we date.
But your family should and normally will always be there for you.
However, if you are the kind of person to drop everybody who has ever loved or cared about you for someone new and exciting you are sadly just addicted to love.
#3 – Fall in Love Too Easily
As much as I would want it to be true, life is not a Disney movie.
No Prince or Princess is going to sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after without a care in the world.
Are you that type of person?
Are you the type that just falls in love at the drop of a hat?
From the first moment you see them.
From the first date?
The first time you are intimate?
This is a serious problem and most likely a sign that you are just addicted to love.
In a very UNHEALTHY manner too.
Here are some signs you fall in love a little too easily especially early on from meeting somebody new:
Your day revolves around them texting you back
You completely ignore red flags
You justify toxic and negative behaviour
You make excuses for them
You are terrified of losing them
You are extremely jealous of other people talking to them
You cannot focus on anything other than them
You don’t even look at or focus on other people romantically
You are thinking about your wedding
You are thinking about buying a place
You are thinking about having children with them
You are pushing to meet their family
You want to go on vacation with them asap
You are moving too quickly
You have unfulfilled needs but do not care
You rush to be physical
You bombard their social media
You show off to the world you and them together
Does this sound like you in any way?
If so, you are going to have to face it you’re addicted to love!
#4 – You Change Too Easily
Often when love addicts RUSH into relationships or dating somebody, they are often exposed as being the biggest hypocrites.
Let me explain why.
What they do is often the opposite of what they said they would or would never do.
In fact, the change is so dramatic they often become a completely different person.
Here are some examples of how love addicts change too easily:
They change their political beliefs
They change the way they dress
They change the way they talk
They change their taste in music
They change their taste in movies
They change their religious beliefs
They change their thoughts on relationships
They change their opinion on their friends
They change their opinion family
They change their careers
They change their cars
They change where they live
They change their diets
Love addicts are like chameleons who can blend into whatever colour aka character they need to keep their romantic partner around.
How disturbing is that?
A love addict will give up anything and almost everything they ever stood for just so they can be in a romantic relationship with somebody.
I know a girl who completely changed her religion just so she could keep a guy who she fell in love with on a vacation!
She came from a traditional background and it broke her family’s heart that she decided to change faith to keep her new guy happy.
What happened? – They broke up a year later because he decided to go and date somebody from his office.
Are you guilty of this too?
Are you the kind of person that changes at the drop of a hat?
Do you act hypocritical so you can “keep” that person in your life romantically?”
#5 – Love Addicts Feel They Are “Nothing Without Love”
If you are nothing without a relationship, then you are nothing to begin with.
A relationship or dating somebody does not make or break a person.
A person is so much more than their partner.
You do not NEED to be in love to love life.
To base a relationship or the need for a relationship on such an insecurity is a sure-fire way to disaster in the long run.
And of course, it is also confirmation you are addicted to love.
They are no different to the following addictions:
Love addicts like these other addictions feel they need it in their lives to “feel alive.”
It is a drug, yes love to them is a drug.
How is that healthy?
How is that beneficial?
Answer = it isn’t at all!
You are better off learning how to love yourself first before you fall in love with the stranger from across the street.
That should be your target to learn why and how you became addicted to love in the first place and get yourself clean.
I am not saying you will never have a good and healthy relationship.
I am suggesting you to do the much needed inner work first, before jumping into anything with anybody again!