Why You Need Boundaries
This post is about why you need boundaries in your life.
I will give you 5 amazing and positive benefits from having healthy boundaries in your life.
What does it mean to have a healthy boundary?
Based on my own personal experience I believe having boundaries is having the mental strength and resilience to protect yourself from abuse of any type.
Abuse can take many forms:
Having a healthy boundary is the ability to say no, to walk away and ultimately have the right amount of self-respect to no longer tolerate such toxic and abusive behaviour.
Think of yourself as a parent, and that toxic person or people as your child.
You can either sit there and let them get away with murder, OR tell them you will no longer allow or tolerate it any longer, and if it continues walk away and find yourself better and healthier people to associate yourself with.
I often use the analogy of having no boundaries at all is like opening the door to your house and telling everybody to come in and do whatever they want!
What do you think will happen to your home?
Your Valuables will be damaged
Your Valuables will be destroyed
Your Valuables will be stolen
I think you get the picture.
So why are you therefore allowing the world to do this to your emotions, your soul and overall wellbeing?
When we let narcissists into our lives and tolerate them, it is no different to our home valuables and collectibles being destroyed.
Luckily for me I learnt from an early age that when somebody or a group of people cross that line and do what I would never do to them I walk away and never return.
Walk away from toxic people and make friends with people who want the best for you.
Life is sweeter that way.
Here are 5 amazing benefits for why you need boundaries in your life:
#1 – More Self-Awareness
By having boundaries, you are dramatically increasing your self-awareness.
Self-awareness is vital if you want to live a good, successful, and fulfilling life.
Based on my own experience self-awareness is the ability to be consciously understanding your own character, feelings, desires, and needs.
A very self-aware person knows what makes them feel positive emotions, and what is a waste of time and is negative.
Naturally to avoid all types of negative emotions and experiences is virtually impossible in life, however if you know what to do to lower the amount you encounter can have a tremendously positive impact on your life.
Most people I am sad to say are just on autopilot when they come to their lives.
They are truly not thinking about where they are going, what they are doing, and especially who they are associating with.
They assume the job they have is the best they can get.
They assume the same about their spouse.
And the same for their friends or who they associate with.
There is little to no self-awareness going on there at all because they have no idea what is going on as they have in their mind just settled for what they got.
Meanwhile they suffer bullying, abuse and possible much more because again they are on autopilot.
If however they had boundaries of what is acceptable especially on how they wish to be treated immediately they can see much more aware they would be.
For example, I was associating with a group of friends that would do nothing but bully me many years ago.
Every time I would meet up, they would ridicule how I looked, spoke, and it was awful.
I had a dreadful pit in my stomach every time I socialized, I hated it.
But then once I built up the courage to say something, I was met with utter shock by these bullies.
I told them “I do not enjoy being spoken to like that, and if you carry on I will just leave.”
However, these bullies did not care, and they carried on abusing me.
Realizing nobody was going to stand up for me but myself, I was aware that these toxic people were just trying to trigger me.
So, I followed through, and got up and told them “I’m off,” and never saw them again.
They called me 2-3 times afterward, but I did not take their calls.
I instead made friends with people who made me feel good, and happy.
I was aware of how I felt around the good friends and more aware of how people in general treated me over all too.
#2 – More Confidence
For those who have dated or associated themselves with a Narcissist, it can be an extremely difficult and almost painful experience.
Narcissists can often leave their victims suffering with an enormous amount of confusion, aka people can forget who they were when the relationship ends.
When you are so exposed to narcissistic abuse for such a long time, you can become a shadow of the person you once were.
That is why when you start putting boundaries in place, your confidence will skyrocket.
Let me give you an example:
Say you are dating a narcissist, and you feel trapped and you are convinced in your mind that you will NEVER do better than them.
But suddenly you realize enough is enough, and you either give them an ultimatum to show you some damn respect, or you get up and walk away.
Whilst of course there is the grieving stage of a breakup and the inevitable recovery, there is something else that comes your way = more confidence!
Why does having boundaries increase your confidence?
Because there is an honesty behind it.
For example, with my ex-narcissist, I was tired of the manipulation, her not listening, the abuse and so on.
So I told her “stop this or I will have to leave you.”
Not surprisingly she didn’t listen.
So I left, and like most narcissists she was begging me back aka hoovering.
It shows the world you are a person that deserves better, and to be respected.
It shows that you will not tolerate any type of abuse.
It screams confidence and it shows that you are EXTREMELY attractive.
This doesn’t need to be applied just to narcissists, but the reason I used them as an example is because they can damage a person’s pride and confidence the most.
Just last week a person thought they could be abusive to me for no good reason.
I said to them very politely; “I do not know why or how you think you can treat me this way, but with that I will block you and never wish to speak to you again.”
What is the worst that can happen from walking away from such people?
You will be a bit lonely initially, but you will not have any negativity and abuse in your life!
What is more you will have the confidence to say no to more people and more things that are genuinely not suiting your life?
Aka getting rid of the things that are not complimenting your life at all. Stand tall with your boundaries and watch your confidence soar!
#3 – Boundaries Help You Think Clearer
When you are so fully engrossed with toxic or narcissistic people your thinking can come to an abrupt halt.
And if you are not thinking clearly, I can confirm you are most likely NOT living clearly either.
Here are some dangerous side effects of clouded thinking:
You are more likely to make more mistakes.
You are more likely to take dangerous risks.
You are more likely to do something you regret.
You are more likely to lose control.
There is nothing worse when you have no boundaries whatsoever, and you become so triggered emotionally that you just snap!
We have all been there, and if you haven’t yet, I am sad to admit you will be one day.
Any type of rational thinking or clear understanding of what is going on with you goes right out of the window!
However, on the contrary by setting boundaries you can start thinking a lot clearer, almost instantly!
Think about it, if you are surrounded by a toxic individual all day every day, when and how are you going to think clearly at all?
Answer = you will not!
But once you set your boundaries up, and start saying no almost straight away some important and vital thoughts pop up from the back of your mind to assist you.
I remember when I was good friends with a very toxic person, and I so desperately wanted his approval I did everything and anything I could.
I would always drive to him after work, I would always do what he wanted, and the relationship was completely one-sided.
Then one day out of the blue he asked me for $1000, even though he had a lot of money, and he snapped at me to do what he said or lose him as a friend.
I said no and turned my phone off!
In that period, I looked back at the time and energy wasted on a very selfish friend, all because I was so insecure and wanted his approval.
I almost instantly thought back of all the times he abused me, let me down, and even ridiculed me in front of other people.
“Oh my god, this guy is a jerk,” I realized, and with that I never spoke to him again.
Sometimes we need to create a boundary to take a step back and reflect and think more clearly about our situations and lives.
“Keep your head and heart clear.”
#4 – Less Stress
Have you ever felt any of the following when you are either going to an event, work, to be with a group or friends or go to meet somebody?
I have got bad news for you, the reason why you are feeling this way is because most likely you are coming into interaction with a toxic person or people.
Sure, we all must do things we don’t like in our lives, but if this is a regular problem and feeling then that is NOT good at all.
Why would you want to waste your life always feeling stressed?
Life is ALREADY an incredibly stressful thing, so why would you want to make it more stressful?
Answer, you don’t!
By tolerating bad and toxic people with no boundaries of our own will almost guarantee a more stressful life.
We will be more concerned with how we look.
More concerned how we talk.
More concerned how we generally carry ourselves.
You are BETTER than that judgment, and do not need to waste your time with jerks who will only make you feel worse.
While it may be lonely at times having boundaries, I’d rather take that then the stress being associated with toxic individuals can give you.
Your body will enjoy having less stress in it, trust me.
I remember walking away from toxic friends and relationships and just sitting down and taking a huge breath.
Almost instantly I could feel my body unwinding.
Infact I was feeling just euphoric because I no longer had to fight, argue, tread on eggshells or be abused or manipulated.
For those who know what its like after leaving such people, it is a very emotionally overwhelming experience.
But I highly recommend it over living life stressed in your social life.
Stress is the inability to decide what is profoundly important for you.
#5 – Attract Better in Your Life
Naysayers and negative people will always want to convince you that you can never do better than you think you can.
That is because they are sick and twisted individuals who do not want to see you live your best life.
But what happens when you start putting up boundaries and most importantly sticking to them, you instantly start attracting better people and opportunities.
It truly breaks my heart when I see people never learn from their mistakes.
As Einstein said, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”
So the people who leave or get dumped by narcissists, despite knowing how they got themselves into that mess in the first place only go and make the exact same error.
Aka they end up with ANOTHER narcissist!
Having good healthy boundaries will attract better, healthier, and happier people into your life.
You will have a certain aura about you.
You will come across more attractive.
You will have more assertiveness.
And the good people you will attract will not only like you, they will love you for that.
It is not all about coming across like a tough guy or girl.
It is about protecting your values, your core beliefs, and yes having some self-respect.
Because without it all you will attract are toxic and evil people into your life.
Life is way too short for that.
Associate with people who want the best for you, because you deserve it!