What Happens When You Leave a Narcissist First?
This post is about what happens when you leave a narcissist first.
There are 5 incredibly significant things that can happen when you leave a narcissist first.
This post can apply to men and women.
Leaving a narcissist can be an incredibly challenging and traumatic thing to do.
You are confused, overwhelmed, extremely emotional and feel like you are almost on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Or worse you are already going through one.
But by leaving the narcissist first, you are basically beating the inevitable.
The narcissist was always planning on leaving you, sadly you just didn’t know it yet.
They most likely have cheated on you or were planning to cheat on you anytime soon.
So, it is from my personal experience that I highly recommend checking out before they leave you.
You save yourself a hell of a lot of time, energy, and you are more likely to heal better by doing so.
Leaving a narcissist first allows you to get the upper hand too, not that it is important of course.
But remember getting one over on the narcissist can be extremely difficult.
Put it this way, they are impossible to communicate with, they never see things from your angle, they are always causing trouble etc.
So, pat yourself on the back for once gaining a bit of a win over these toxic individuals.
That is of course if you have already left them.
However, if you have not and are thinking about doing so here are 5 things in order that normally happen when you leave a narcissist first in a relationship:
#1 – Narcissistic Rage
The narcissist will be furious with you if you leave them first.
Why is that?
It is simple:
Because you have beat them to it.
You have exposed them for the frauds, the cheats, the abusers, the liars, the toxic individuals they truly are.
They never ever like losing, they are sadistic adult spoilt brats who believe everything, and anything should be given to them for little to no effort.
Therefore you leaving them first, is the biggest shock and loss to them.
They cannot understand how this has happened.
They purposely manipulated you, they twisted your reality, they did everything in their powers to make you stay with them.
However, despite all their dark tactics somehow you built up the courage to leave them.
So, they are furious!
They will shout, scream and they will be so angry that you have caught onto the charade that is a narcissistic relationship.
#2 – They Will Give You Further Abuse
The abuse you will receive leaving a narcissist first is vastly different to the abuse you received before.
Behind closed doors they can do or say whatever they like almost.
But because now you have left, the abuse is still evident but not quite the same.
They will hurl names at you, they will scream at you, they will shout your neighbourhood down – IF you let them.
Because one important and vital rule you must adhere to when leaving the narcissist is to immediately try to go no contact.
That way you are shutting off the supply, therefore they will no longer have nobody to hurl obscenities and so on to.
Because they are filled with rage that you left them, they feel they are entitled to abuse you further.
They believe you will not stand up to them, but you do not need to get into a slagging match or an abusive argument.
Just do the following:
Do not allow them to talk to you, stick to no contact, do not see them, do not revisit them.
Cut contact and begin your healing journey.
#3 – They Will Threaten You
So after they act all furious and abuse you further will begin the most destructive and despicable game the narcissist will play with you.
They will threaten you.
The narcissist will threaten to ruin your life.
The narcissist will threaten to hurt you.
The narcissist will threaten to destroy your business.
The narcissist will threaten to destroy your family.
The narcissist will threaten to get people to deal with you.
The narcissist will threaten anything that will make your life miserable.
Sadly I have had narcissists tell me all the above.
Luckily if you have gone no contact and no longer see them etc, you will not have to hear this disgusting information.
It is mostly just words, but even if they do say whatever they threaten you with, show the texts, the emails to the authorities.
I would also strongly recommend getting a restraining order.
If they turn up to your house, do not answer.
I remember feeling anxious leaving my own home due to the disgusting threats my ex narcissist made towards me.
But when I realized it was all just words and lies and them overreacting due to the fact that I left them I slowly but surely go on with my life.
Just expect to hear these awful things, and do not be afraid to tell a confident or the police about such awful threats.
The narcissist is a liar, so everything they say is a lie.
You have nothing to be afraid of.
#4 – They Will Beg for Forgiveness
So once they have finished abusing you, raging, and threatening to make your life a further living hell, they will begin the weirdest stage of all:
They will beg for forgiveness.
Yes, this happens!
The narcissist will tell you how sorry they are, and how stupid they have been.
It will be like something out of a movie – but do not forget narcissists are actors.
Yes, they can mould and act into whatever they want to GET whatever they want.
So, if they are telling you everything you want to hear (assuming you are in dialogue with them which you shouldn’t be), you are leading yourself down a trap door.
And that trap door will lead you right back into their arms where you think that they have changed and were so in love and happy.
It is ALL an act.
They are trying to lure you back into their dark web, like the pied piper, or a predator.
It is the sickest and most twisted game they play.
They try to convince you and assure you they have genuinely changed – it is a lie.
They will try to convince you and even tell you all the things you told them in the past.
For example, in the past if you told them to stop drinking, they will say “I need to stop drinking!”
It is all an act, it is all a lie, do not fall for it.
I want you to laugh to yourself when they beg for you to forgive them.
Because you will see it coming, and you will not believe how alike all narcissists really are.
#5 – Consistent Hoovering
So once the rage, the abuse, the threats, and the begging for forgiveness have occurred the narcissist will consistently hoover you.
The term “hoovering” comes from the brand name vacuum, Hoover. A vacuum sucks up things. Manipulators like narcissists will try to suck you back after you’ve gotten out or even after they’ve discarded you. The goal of hoovering is to use any means necessary to get you back under control.
They will never stop doing this after you leave them.
I remember when I got emails (the only form of contact I allowed with ex narcissists) saying how wonderful our relationship was and how dark a place they were in.
I was told how perfect I am, and how I can never be replaced.
I was told how hurt they are, and they cannot go on without me.
It is all a manipulation tactic.
Granted right after you left them there will be a period where you will feel down and downright miserable.
Breakups with narcissists are awful because there is no closure at all!
However, that is when you are emotionally at your weakest, and the hoover attempts will be at their strongest.
Remain no contact.
Do not see them.
Do not respond to them.
Do not fall for their traps.
You will have six months initially of hell in your healing period and recovery.
But I assure you that you will recover, things will get better, and it DOES get easier.
Just stay faithful, be careful, and everything is going to be fine.