Things That Will Kill Any Relationship
This post is about the 6 things that will kill any relationship you are in!
The silent killers of relationships are lurking and if you do not eradicate them, you and your loved one may be unfortunately doomed!
It is important to clarify that often there are conflicting advice and articles on such a subject.
I will assume that you and your partner are healthy, normal decent people, not sociopaths or narcissists.
I’ve spoken a fair deal about those type of people, those relationships are doomed no matter what.
However, assuming that you are two people who get along and love each other dearly, why on earth will you want to know what things will potentially kill your relationship?
It is simple, so you can try as hard as possible to AVOID making these errors.
Often people just cross their fingers and hope for the best in relationships.
But it takes the wise and intelligent person to make sure that their relationship continues to blossom.
Believe it or not 90% of couples want to spend the rest of their lives together, however, do not know the first thing about sticking it out for the long haul!
We live in a culture in the western world of instant gratification, and sadly patience and endurance go right out the window on most things.
Unfortunately, people are applying the same impatience to their partners and relationships.
It is important to emphasize that this post is for the couples who want to go handles the difficult times well, and efficiently.
All couples fight, argue and have disagreements.
It will not be a picnic throughout, trust me.
So, by understanding what to avoid and how to rectify these things that will kill any relationship early on, you are well prepared for the inevitable curve balls life will throw at you both!
Therefore, here are the 6 things that will kill any relationship and how to rectify them.
#1 – Zero Communication
There is nothing worse than a secretive or non-communicative couple/partner.
Both do not communicate with each other and then slowly but surely this grows to huge life decisions being kept secret too.
I know one couple where the husband bought a business without telling his wife for almost six months and she only found out in the local newspaper!
That was because and I quote “he didn’t want her to stress and worry about such a huge financial decision!”
This is extremely unhealthy and wrong and will kill any relationship in the long run.
The couple will start to trust each other less and keep more secrets.
It is a bad situation and an awfully bad road to go down for you both.
The better approach is to instead be an open book to each other.
I often encourage couples to keep dating each other and go out and eat a meal or grab a drink regularly.
By being with each other you naturally talk, and by talking you are not distracted by work, your kids or Television.
You have each other, and it is important to set aside time a day at work to catch up.
Talk on the phone ask how each other are but leave the bigger personal conversations for at home.
Those who talk to each other often, are more likely to stay together than drift apart.
#2 – Lack of General Intimacy
If you want a relationship to go sour immediately stop touching each other altogether.
That includes holding hands, hugging, or kissing.
I am not even mentioning sex!
When you first met you probably could not keep your hands off each other.
But as time got on and you got married or moved in together that intimacy died.
You got lazy or comfortable, or if you did not perhaps your partner did.
You NEED intimacy, you love your pet and your friends and family, but your partner is that one person you have romantic intimacy with.
Hold hands all the time, hug each other when you watch television, lay on the grass at the park in each other’s arms.
Spoon each other and talk about your day, or whatever you want.
General intimacy is just as important as sex, and you constantly need to reignite that feeling with your spouse.
Hold them close, kiss their cheeks or lips, don’t be too rough and ready, especially if you have not been intimate in a while.
75% of relationships who encourage general intimacy with each other often are more likely to stay together.
#3 – Unrealistic Expectations
I have touched on this before in my post about what to expect before getting married.
People can get so swept up in their own emotions and personal bubbles (thanks largely to social media), that they do not realize that they have no idea who they are dating!
Or worse, who they married!
This can appear narcissistic as it is very self-absorbed.
By not really knowing who you are with, sets up the worst of the traits which is an unrealistic expectation of your partner.
You most likely painted an ideal in your head that your partner will be your therapist, your driver, your banker, your best friend, your entertainment etc.
Then when you realized that your partner is just as human as everybody else you immediately get upset.
You realize that this was not what you wanted or thought they would be.
It is time for you to perhaps grow up and realize that your partner is your partner.
They are there to love you, and for you both to go on the journey of life together.
If your partner said they didn’t want kids initially and ten years later they still haven’t changed their mind, then that is your fault for having the expectations they will do whatever you ask of them.
If your partner does not have a high paying salary do not expect them to pay for everything and live a lavish lifestyle compared to when you were courting.
Be realistic, get your head out of the clouds and know who you are dating, and instead have lower expectations of them.
By simply adjusting your mindset and preaching one of gratitude instead will make you far happier when dating each other!
#4 – Always Competing With Each Other
By playing against each other constantly will lead you down a dark and twisted path guaranteed to make your relationship end very bitterly.
If your partner is incredibly grateful with their gifts and you make sure you are too, suddenly you are at pits with each other.
This is not how it should work at all.
You should not be to each other like “you bought me this, now I will get you this which will be better!”
No, no, no!
In a good and healthy relationship there is no competition.
You are equals, and if one is doing better in their career or earns more money good for them.
Do you really want to feel jealous or insecure about your own partners success?
You instead want to love each other and support each other’s goals and dreams.
What you what to do is focus on the fact that you inspire each other, and there is zero competition between you, only always love and compassion for one another.
Never compete or encourage it, because it is guaranteed to kill your relationship, and embarrass one another too.
#5 – Comparisons to Others
“Why can’t you be more like that person?”
“He does this for her!”
“She does this for him!”
Comparing yourselves to other couples is like comparing each other to anybody.
Let me make something fundamentally clear, it is futile to compare yourself to anyone else.
The reason why is because you have lived completely different lives to other people.
Yes, you may have things in common, but you had different parents, different educations, different households, different experiences.
So, comparing to others and trying to live up to other standards just to please and gain their attention is a sure fire way to kill any relationship.
NEVER compare what others do in your relationships, instead compare yourselves to how you were yesterday.
If you were for example fighting and arguing yesterday, spend today kissing and instead making up and trying not to have a disagreement today.
If you carry on doing it like that, and you are well on your way to being better people and having a fantastic relationship.
#6 – No Space
We live in a digital age where we know where we are always, and we can even track each other if need be.
Rest assured if in god forbid in emergency you needed to get hold of your partner, you can.
So knowing this why are you not encouraging space?
Space is sexy and having time apart can bring you closer together.
No, I am not saying break up, but it is perfectly healthy for him to go see his mates to watch the game, or her to go out for drinks with her girlfriends frequently!
By not encouraging space in your relationships, you become resentful of each other, and you WILL get on each other’s nerves.
Even on their vacations some of the happiest couples I know sometimes go for a walk or a jog alone, so they miss each other but also are not completely in each other’s space all the time.
Space also BUILDS attraction, and by doing that you will always crave each other even more.
Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be with other people, just go for a workout, a walk, or grab a coffee on your own, and watch how you and your partner will start missing each other more than ever.
Always remember this saying “space is sexy!”