The post is about why is it so hard to leave a narcissist in your life?
The best way to begin this post is for me to go into detail on my own personal experiences involving a romantic partner who was a narcissist.
As I am writing this right now, it is almost a year ago to the day since I walked away from a long-term relationship involving a narcissist.
The world has changed tremendously since then, with the pandemic amongst other things, but what about myself in terms of my romantic life etc?
Well I can tell you that when I was dating a narcissist, I was stressed out a lot, I had so much drama in my life, and I was so miserable I couldn’t even remember what it was like to feel and be happy.
So exactly a year later regarding my life after the narcissist, it is genuinely better without them.
Yes, life has thrown curve balls at me and my family, but regarding the ex- narcissist in my life it is significantly better without them in it.
Why is that you ask?
Because narcissists are like energy vampires who suck the living daylights out of you.
They ruin your life.
Yes this is YOUR life, not theirs, and I do not even care if you are married to them.
You got into this world alone, and you can go alone if need be to heal from the abuse.
As a year surpassed from one of the hardest yet greatest decisions I had ever made in my entire life, I asked myself another question constantly:
WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I DO IT SOONER?
Why did I waste several years with such a toxic, annoying, destructive individual?
Which inspired me to do this post, why is it SO hard to leave a narcissist?
By the way this can apply to a family member, a colleague, a friend, a boss, whoever.
But for the sake of discussion let me focus on a romantic relationship.
Why is it so hard to leave a romantic relationship with a narcissist?
As some of my followers may or may not know I was a former gambling addict for almost 20 years.
Luckily I kicked the addiction to the curb all by myself in 2019 and have been clean ever since, with no desire to ever gamble again.
And like gambling I realized that being with a narcissist is unfortunately like having a drug or gambling addiction.
You genuinely feel EVEN if you are the most confident and self-assured person, that you cannot function or live without that person.
You are addicted to the narcissist.
Yes, you need to hear this, so please treat this like an intervention.
I am telling you exactly what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.
You have a problem.
The narcissist in your life is destroying everything.
They are destroying your self-esteem, your career, your social life, your sleep, your health, your family, everything.
They are no different to a parasite or a virus.
And it is time that you got cured of your addiction.
Let us first look at how you got yourself into this mess with a narcissist, so we can then outline how the hell you are going to get out.
When you first met them, most likely you were swept away by just how attractive they were.
And if you are at all a little insecure, you probably thought “there is no way that someone THAT good looking will like me.”
Newsflash you are worthy, and anybody will be lucky to have you!
And what happened initially was most likely the beginning of the trauma bonding.
Aka manipulating you to become reliant and addicted to them.
I was a confident self-assured guy before I met my ex narcissist.
But that goes all out the window when the love bombing begins.
The narcissist will make out to you almost like a professional actor how they are the greatest person you have ever met.
They are easy going, so sexual and romantic, you will feel like you have met your soul mate.
They will do whatever you want, however you want, and you want to shout out from the roof tops just how much you are in love with them.
By that stage and you are fully committed, dating, or married even comes the part where you trust them.
You ask them to do something, and they will do it.
It could be even borrowing money, or a car or anything.
They have painted a picture that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, so why not trust them surely?
I mean you love them, and they love you, why be so cynical and negative?
After that period is where the harsh reality eventually sets in.
You need to become aware that life is sadly not all unicorns and rainbows.
There are nasty, malevolent, and evil people out in the world that WILL cause you harm if you allow them to.
So, buck your ideas up and learn the harsh lessons of life.
After the love and trust stage begins the criticism.
It could be about your appearance, or your job, or even how you are as a person.
“Why do you like making jokes?”
Yes, that was one zinger I received from my narcissist.
That will begin the stage where your insecurities spike.
You were led to believe that you were this perfect person, but in their eyes now you are not that at all.
You are like a stranger, and they have gone cold, distant as well as being critical.
You apologize and then begins the next stage, living up to unbelievable standards.
You can buy them a Rolex or even take them on a trip around the world, but it will NEVER be good enough for the narcissist.
And suddenly you are the problem, NOT them.
They turn up late, they cancel last minute, they cheat on you, but somehow, it’s your fault.
Somehow YOU are the problem, and they are perfect.
And because narcissists can be so damn evil, they go around telling everybody how it’s you who are the problem, to line up an army of supporters.
You are trapped.
Damned if you do, damned if you do not.
You believe they are amazing and the best you’ll ever get, so you cannot leave them.
You believe YOU are the issues, and that it’s YOUR fault that things are going wrong.
You are confused, hurt, trapped, and in agony.
How the heck can you possibly solve this problem?
Everybody who genuinely loves you knows you are dealing with a narcissist.
You have been told you are not yourself, and that they are the problem.
You know in your heart and in your gut that it is THEM that are the issue.
So why is it so hard to leave them?
Because you have been sold a lie.
You have been convinced this person loves you the way you love them.
You believe that they trust you.
You believe they are normal and good people.
Everything you fell for and did with them is a lie.
It was all just one big façade to make THEM feel good about themselves.
You are no different to a shiny designer handbag, or a flashy car.
You are supply.
You are their drug, a little how they are yours.
So now you know truth there is only one thing left for you to do.
That is right, plan your exit strategy, and walk away.
If you have children or are married it will be more complicated of course.
However, it is essential you do this sooner rather than later.
Because if you do this first, you are delaying the inevitable.
The inevitable being the narcissist leaving YOU.
Yes, they will leave you, or at the very least constantly cheat on you.
There is an unfortunately particularly good chance they already have, several times too.
I know this is hard to read, but you need to.
And when you walk away you cut contact and IF you MUST speak to them keep it to JUST emails.
You will be greeted with narcissistic rage upon your departure.
It is because they are angry, they have been caught and that you realized how disgusting they can be.
Ride the wave.
Cut contact, do not reply.
Do not entertain their calls, do not accept to meet.
You will see them grovel; you hear them badmouth you.
You will see the lowest of the low behaviour which will only disgust you more.
Upon reflection leaving the narcissist in my life was easy.
And yes, you will grieve your relationship, but use me as your motivation.
It DOES get easier!
You will be so much less stressed.
You will be happier.
Everything will be fine, trust me.