“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but walking away from you will heal me.”
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse from friends, family and ex-girlfriends over the years, I believe I have a vast amount of experience when it comes to dealing with these toxic individuals.
What we must remember is we are interacting with a different type of “animal,” these people are NOT normal.
Reasoning, talking things through, applying logic is a complete utter waste of time, and energy.
I would also not entertain the idea of going to a therapist with these people.
Most therapists are sadly not well versed in the subject or spectrum of narcissism, so they often take sides with the more vulnerable partner.
And that may make you the culprit, as the narcissist can play the victim very well, they are actors don’t forget.
So whilst you think you are getting some progress made, you will more likely end up coming home from therapy revaluating your life because the therapist has believed a bunch of bullshit laid out to them by your narcissist.
So save your time, I have learnt far more off YouTube and through many amazing books and blogs about the very subject.
Ultimately I am going to list several ways and phrases you can use to disarm these people.
Remember we are not here trying to seek out revenge, although I am sure you want to or deserve to.
But we must look at the bigger picture – ultimately you have been in contact with a narcissist in your life for far too long.
You’ve tried everything, you are at the end of your tether.
In fact, you have run out of ideas or ways to resolve the situation.
So what do you do?
How do you fix things?
Before we go into the practical steps to take you must understand that these people are toxic and somewhat dangerous to your peace and progress.
If you ever want to have a peaceful and truly meaningful happy life, it is very important to take responsibility for your actions.
Therefore anybody you entertain in your personal space at all, will have a humongous say on how your life pans out.
If I was still with ex- narcissists girlfriends I would have stagnated, failed and been nowhere.
If I still socialized with narcissist friends I would be riddled with insecurities, feel awful about myself and again going nowhere.
Fortunately I am a very ambitious, very self-assured person now.
I have also increased my standards and infiltrated healthy boundaries.
Those who are in and around my life know what I find acceptable and unacceptable.
Narcissists if you learn all the lessons and grow along the way will teach you that.
However if you don’t you will find yourself sadly in a spiralling mess, playing the victim and questioning your reality.
On top of that you will just attracting more and more toxic people and bemoan your existence along the way.
So take responsibility for your actions.
People are replaceable.
Your happiness MUST come first.
By putting up healthy boundaries you will not encourage toxic people to destroy your life.
Let us begin in how to disarm a narcissist:
#1 – Stop feeding the ego.
Narcissist’s fuel is supply.
And supply comes from attention.
Sadly that attention can be positive or negative.
Therefore just you being present to their madness and crazy ways will in fact give them the fuel they need to feed their ego.
A Narcissist will tell you that “you are looking at other girls/guys and you don’t find me attractive.”
This is the type of usual crap they come out with, to which you reply with “no of course I am not you are gorgeous to me, you know that, I wouldn’t do that.”
What is this doing?
It is manipulation in its purest form.
They have manipulated you to question your reality and feel guilty for something that you never even did.
I am pretty sure you were not checking anybody else out.
However, as a result, they get a compliment out of it, as well as devaluing you at the same time.
The solution is don’t fall for it.
If they accuse you of stuff that makes no sense, or try to argue for no reason – do not feed the ego.
Do not engage in it, do not entertain it.
#2 – Say “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
You cannot please the unpleasable.
Narcissists are unpleasable, they are never satisfied and no different to adult spoilt children.
Therefore like the ego, don’t be surprised that they are unimpressed or annoyed by something you do.
It could be anything, it could be absolutely nothing but they will find a way to cause an argument.
But by responding with “I’m sorry you feel that way,” there is nothing they can say to that.
You cannot apply logic, reasoning or any type of normal healthy communication.
These are messed up idiots who only want to make you feel crap.
So let them stew at the fact they are annoyed at something about you, and don’t feel guilty about it.
It is their problem, let them deal with it.
#3 – Do NOT take responsibility for their emotions
Narcissists throw temper tantrums.
Similar to a spoilt brat not allowed to get the toy they are after.
This is called narcissistic rage.
But the problem is, because you are closest to them, they believe and have such little respect for you that they can say or do anything they want to you.
This is called projection.
Newsflash you are not somebodies punching bag, and nobody has a right to abuse you just because they had a bad day or are insecure.
Let them sort their own emotions out, they are adults.
You are not there to take on their crap, and guess what you cannot fix it?
Because you cannot please the unpleasable.
Make sure you remember this, it is vital.
#4 – Do NOT accept their wrong perception of you
Similar to I’m sorry you feel that way, narcissists are manipulators, liars and cheaters especially of the truth.
They are so wrapped up in their own bullshit that they will try to convince the world that they are right, and everybody is wrong.
Unfortunately they use dirty manipulative tactics in doing so.
And they can often succeed.
However that is where you need to stand up for yourself.
If they call you a cheat, and you are not one that isn’t you.
If they call you abusive, when THEY are abusing you, again it is not you.
Only you know who you are and what you can do or what your limits are.
So therefore do not accept what they say about you to be true.
It is a lie, and sadly in case you did not know the narcissist’s entire life is a big fat lie.
#5 – Do NOT sink to their level
Narcissists believe the rules do not apply to them.
Their ego and inflated view of themselves believes they can do or be whatever they want.
They are some of the biggest fools on the planet.
I am not a goody two shoes, but at the end of the day I respect that there are rules in place, such as the law.
A narcissist will break the law, if it meant they can get their way.
They will steal, cheat, lie, be violent, swear, shout, cause a scene.
They will happily embarrass you in public.
What do you do?
Do NOT sink to their level.
They will play dirty, and rough, but remember you are better than that.
Those who argue with a fool, from a distance look like one too.
#6 – No reasoning
I can tell you with over 3 decades of experience there is NO reasoning with a narcissist.
You will never get the time back you wasted arguing, talking and talking and going round in circles.
It is better to spend your life on good things and good people.
If someone cannot be reasoned with, do not waste your time.
Which leads me to the final point.
#7 – Walk away and go no contact
Narcissists lose in the end, and the one thing they are almost guaranteed to lose is a good person.
That is most likely you.
But once you truly cannot take it anymore, you have to seriously walk away, and not look back.
And NO contact means NO contact.
That means blocking and deleting them off everywhere.
Look at the above and remind yourself all the drama and crap you have been through.
If there is no reasoning with them, why bother to entertain them at all?
Walk away, stay away and learn about what has happened, so you can therefore never let such awful people into your life again.