“Silence is golden.”
The easiest and most effective manner to deal with any toxic individual is to go no contact.
Speaking from many years of personal experiences mostly bad with toxic people and narcissists you need to understand one fundamental thing;
YOU WON’T WIN.
That’s it, you won’t beat them at their own game.
You won’t win an argument.
You won’t win them over with logic.
You won’t ever convince them to be good.
You are fighting a losing battle, and because of that why even take part?
Never argue with a fool, because from a distance you cannot tell who is who.
This is the same with these people, and you must do what their parents never did;
Instil discipline and proper boundaries.
Toxic people do not care about you, they do not really love you, and they always inevitably bring a wave of destruction and chaos into your life.
If you are not careful and you allow the mind games to begin, the toxicity and poison will spread.
There are so many things they bring into your life without you knowing;
Think back to a spoilt brat that was never told no.
They have it in their minds as they become adults that they can literally get away with murder.
So what happens?
They become entitled, rude and toxic individuals.
All because mom and dad bought them whatever they wanted the second they started to throw a tantrum.
So they honestly believe for some weird reason the world owes them something.
Hence why they are entitled.
If you happen to unfortunately be in a romantic relationship with a toxic or narcissistic person it is the same story.
You tread on eggshells, most likely get cheated on, abused, manipulated and so much more.
Is it worth it?
What can you do about it?
Well, let me try go into more detail here.
You may be the smartest, wisest and calmest individual person in the world.
But if you allow a toxic person to be in your personal life, what is going to happen?
You are drinking from the poison chalice, and suddenly you will crack.
Bad luck will occur, your focus will dither, and you will start seeing more drama than ever before.
But arrogantly even if you KNOW what they like and you KNOW what is going on, you think you are qualified to deal with such people.
Let me make one thing clear – not even trained therapists can handle narcissists or toxic people well.
So what makes you think you can?
Do you think having endless conversations on how their bad behaviour should not be tolerated will change anything?
Do you think getting others involved in a group therapy will let them see the light?
I remember doing a bloody PowerPoint presentation to a narcissist ex on everything she was doing wrong, it took me hours to write and present.
Did she change?
I get it, people rarely change after the age of 18, and why should they?
If they have convinced themselves they are perfect and if those around them (flying monkeys and their awful parents), keep reinforcing their bad behaviour then who are you to tell them otherwise?
They point behind everything I am trying to tell you here is YOU CAN’T WIN.
They will never emphasize with how you feel, or what you are trying to say.
Nothing is ever good enough for these people, and your naivety and lack of real world knowledge gave them the benefit of the doubt to where you are now desperately searching on the internet for the answer.
The answer is simple, yet hard to implement for most people;
GO NO CONTACT.
I understand that is hard to read, but you have no other option.
I would not advice talking it out, they are not listening.
I would advise against therapy, as they will make YOU out to be the bad guy.
The only solution with any toxic or narcissistic person is no contact, and the reason why it works is because you are cutting off the supply.
Picture yourself as the parent, they are the child.
They run around causing havoc on you and all around you, and there you are cleaning up after their mess.
But their parents most likely stuck around, and threw more money and attention at the problem.
One ex I had told me to my face “I was spoilt as a kid, my parents were soft.”
What a fool I was thinking being disciplined and hard moral that I could actually change this person into thinking like a good healthy person.
I got badly burnt, so many times.
They see you as supply, attention, they thrive off it.
Long as you cry, shout, scream, react in any manner even in a calm way they will carry on bringing more drama and chaos into your life.
It is inevitable, you must understand there are horrible people in this world, and you are more than likely dealing with one right now.
So you must cut off the supply.
This means of course if it a relationship, friendship, family member you are now going no contact.
And no contact MEANS no contact.
This is the end, have a funeral for it, bury it and move on.
You will NOT receive any change, despite doing this and you must be strong.
Everything must go, social media, their telephone numbers, all reminders everything.
You have been poisoned by their toxicity and it is time to become a healthy individual again.
Do not use will power to fight your urge to talk to them, but instead re-read everything I have written to reinforce WHY this is happening.
There are toxic and narcissistic people in this world, and unfortunately you have met one or just realized somebody is not right for you.
You are better making friends with people that want the best for you.
Stick to it, and in time you will attract with the right healing and knowledge of what has happened to you better people.
I went no contact with THREE Narcissists in one year, and as a result my life has completely changed for the better.
You will be better off, and use me as your example.
I swear to you, it is the only way to see some change for the better in your life, especially if you feel exhausted because you’ve tried everything else OR are considering doing so.
Life is too damn short for drama and toxic people.
Start thriving, not just surviving.