“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruellest irony.”
It is no surprise that the rise of narcissism, sociopaths and borderline personalities have had a detrimental effects on marriages ending in divorce, and best friends falling out.
I have a solid piece of advice that I want to give you, (however before I do) if you are reading this and you have no friends, understand that it is perfectly understandable and normal.
At school I fit into so many different groups and that is largely (not to toot my own horn that much) I was a bloody interesting dude.
I was a musician, but I loved sports.
I loved gaming, yet I loved psychology too.
I had so many different types of friends from different social groups.
The jocks, the geeks, the girls, and so on.
I never belonged to one particular group because I had a vast array of interests, and I still do.
I saw high school friends as disposable, because I knew that it was only for a limited amount of time, and eventually we would be moving on with our lives.
I was absolutely right.
Same I would assume go for college – but I digress.
I will give you three separate examples of former best friends who I had to cut away from.
The first one was a buddy from high school, and I stuck by his side and no matter what I had always supported him.
But as I was growing up and became more confident in myself I saw many narcissistic patterns in him.
- He was a control freak
- Everything was on his terms
- He only wanted me when he was bored
- When I needed him he was never there for me
- He lacked empathy
His behaviour was disgusting, and unforgiveable, so I cut contact with him.
This was a guy I had been on vacation with three times, and I had spent years of my life loving.
Only for him to betray my trust, and ultimately use me like a toy.
The second best friend I had was no different.
We had done so much together over the years, and yet he was never really appreciative.
One day I had in my previous business secured a massive contract that would ultimately change my life for the best!
I was so delighted that I called my former best friend to join me in town after work for a “celebratory dinner, my treat!”
Eventually this guy turns up with a face like thunder moody, and completely ruined my vibe.
I told him “it brings me great joy that I am here with you, and sharing this proud moment with my best friend.”
He didn’t respond.
So there we were sat awkwardly as he ordered the most expensive item on the menu (knowing I would pay), and hardly spoke and was completely miserable.
On top of that he didn’t buy me a drink nor offer to as a thank you at any of the bars we went to later that evening.
I hated how I was treated, and told him “I can no longer be friends with you,” and walked away.
Lastly only just 3 months as I am writing this post (Jan 2020), a family friend of over 30 years projected on me and gave me narcissistic abuse.
He slammed my appearance
He criticized my dress sense
How I spoke to people
He threw personal private information back in my face
Verbally abused me
All because he was insecure and “drunk and had a bad day at work.”
I of course walked away from this relationship too.
My point here is despite being dreadfully unlucky when it came to best friends, that most of the time if you are not careful you will attract the wrong type of people into your life!
Dr Jordan Peterson sums up the solution to the type of friends you want to have right here;
This advice is simple; “make friends with people that want the best for you.”
You have something to offer this world, there is something good about you (assuming you are not narcissistic, because if you were you would not be reading this article).
There are GOOD people out there that will be by your side when you are winning or losing in life.
However beware there are malevolent toxic narcissistic and evil people who want to bring you down to your level.
What you think about expands, so if you are surrounded by people’s toxicity it will breed into your life like poison.
It is better to have no friends than to feel alone in any relationship.
Tolerating any form of abuse, gaslighting, manipulation or similar is just detrimental to your mental health and wellbeing.
I’d rather be alone than willingly tolerate other peoples crap.
But if you learn from your solitude rather than play the victim you will understand so many important lessons.
Having no friends can teach you to increase your accountability.
Being surrounded by friends all the time means you are constantly accountable for others actions, and instead you can be in charge and only answer to yourself.
Your decision making skills will vastly increase because you have nobody to consult with.
You can eat what you want, where you want, when you want.
I’ve eaten alone many times, gone to the cinema, you name it.
There is no stigma, I will not stop living my life because I am alone, and neither should you.
Your bravery will increase as well as your risk taking but in a positive way.
You may start to learn a skill, or attend a class, or pack up and go travelling wherever your heart desires!
You interpret the word “no,” as “on.”
All of this will lead you into the wonderful world of personal growth, where you can self-reflect on your life, your actions and what you want to improve.
Having friends is not overrated if you are not in a good place in your life.
Embrace the change, learn the lessons, but ultimately when the time is right and the opportunity is there be sure to; “make friends with people who want the best for you only!”