Congratulations! You have decided to go no contact with a Narcissist!
Consider yourself one of the few who are brave, strong and committed to a better healthier life.
Remember, breaking up or free from a Narcissist is one of the most challenging and difficult things anybody can ever do.
Why is that?
Because Narcissists are not like normal people, and therefore cannot be treated normally either.
Normal is a pretty vague term but let me give you an alternative answer.
Say you and I were friends, but we decided to no longer spend time together, like we were now on different paths, or drifted apart.
We would ideally shake hands, say our goodbyes, no hard feelings and gain an element of closure.
Narcissists don’t do closure, and you certainly won’t get that from them no matter what you do.
I have a friend let’s call him Simon who was the subject of Narcissist projection from his friend Robert.
Simon and Robert were out at a nightclub (they were both single at the time) when a girl accidentally spilled wine all over Roberts white shirt.
She apologized, but Robert went into full Narcissistic rage!
He asked for the girls to apologize over and over, and also for them to be kicked out and banned for the club!
To quote him “you are women, you are beneath me! How dare you do this!?” were his exact words according to Simon.
Then because Simon did the sensible thing and didn’t choose to participate in Robert’s crazy behaviour he walked away from the situation, disappointed by his friend’s actions.
By doing so Robert then projected onto Simon:
“You are an idiot, why did we come to this club? It’s all your fault! Take my side you chicken! Why are you not backing me up?! How dare you do this to me?!”
Simon therefore blocked Robert and said he would never speak to him again.
The following then panned out like so:
Robert abused Simon some more over social media and via email with threats
Robert then did a smear campaign telling everybody they mutually knew how awful a person Simon was
Robert then apologized profusely begging for forgiveness
Robert after Simon did not reply and remained no contact mirrored him and ignored him thus ending all interaction for the time period.
I had the same experience with a Narcissistic ex-girlfriend.
She had driven me to the point of insanity, with her crazy actions and her constantly causing toxic drama such as shouting and screaming and acting irrational!
I had no choice but to break up with her and go no contact.
What did she do?
My Narcissist Ex abused me via email calling me all names under the sun and threatened me
My Narcissist Ex did a smear campaign saying how perfect she was and how dreadful and what a scumbag I was
My Narcissist Ex then apologized almost daily and begged to have me back
My Narcissist Ex despite all efforts decided to mirror my actions and ignore me thus ending all interaction for the time period
I also had a friend who was a Narcissist for over 30 years and he projected recently onto me due to his insecurities and was verbally abusive.
I blocked him and cut contact and what happened?
My Narcissist Friend abused me some more not denying anything he said and said “if you agree with me that you are a loser, then you need to do something about it.”
My Narcissist Friend did a smear campaign telling all around him he did nothing wrong and I “blew things out of proportion.”
My Narcissist Friend apologized and said he loved me and wanted to nip it in the bud.
My Narcissist Friend despite his efforts decided to mirror my actions and ignore me thus ending all interaction for the time period
Notice a trend here?
Narcissists are all the same and very predictable.
Here are several things to expect when you go no contact with a Narcissist:
- Aggression and a smear campaign
Expect Narcissistic rage beyond belief! Also expect people you know to be told how dreadful you are and how much of a scumbag you are for standing up to the Narcissist. Your true friends and family know your worth, so just rise above it no matter how hard it is.
- They will focus on something else or somebody else aka a new supply/partner/friend
If you were dating or in a relationship with a Narcissist then chances are you were being cheated on or you were about to be. Your Narcissist will go all out on their new supply now as you are out of the picture and feel good about it. If you have been dumped by one suddenly, then they have definitely moved on almost instantly.
- They will hoover you and try swoop you back in to their web of lies and b.s.
They will come back and see how you are, tell you they miss you, tell you they love you and how this is all “so silly, let’s nip it in the bud.” Don’t fall for the trap. Keep your guard up, don’t go back!
- They will send flying monkeys aka friends or family to reach out to you to beg to take them back
A flying monkey is a friend or family member sent to swoop in and try be the negotiator to rekindle contact between you and the Narcissist. Ignore them, delete them, and block them too. Or if it’s someone close to you say “do not get involved,” and leave it at that.
- They will stalk you in person or all over social media
Ideally block them off all social media, and expect them to drive by and see what you are up to, who you are with and what you are doing. If at any stage you fear for your safety please contact the police!
- They will apologize and try convince you they have changed – don’t fall for it
This is just a hoover attempt. I had the same email slightly altered from my Narcissistic ex saying she has changed etc over the course of 2 years! They don’t. They will disappoint you. Don’t fall for the lies.
- They will rant and name call again because they still aren’t getting their way
Narcissists are spoiled brats in adult form. They are trying everything to get your attention, don’t fall for it and expect more abuse. If they can only email you make sure their messages are marked as spam.
- They will finally reflect your actions aka ignorance, and thus the interactions and anything further will come to a halt
They will finally get the message that you don’t want to know and they will think to ignore you to, thus hopefully remaining free of this cycle of abuse for good!
Narcissists are spoiled kids and you are the good parent they never had, standing up to them, calling out their behavior and punishing them for what they say or do.