In this video I discuss what you need to know if you are starting or are in a long distance relationship.
If you are starting a long distance relationship or find yourself in one I got one thing to tell you;
“Welcome to Hell.”
Now that MAY be a tad overdramatic, but seriously though from my personal experience it really is no picnic. I mean it.
Here’s my story.
I was 19, I was on vacation in the sunny Mediterranean and I was having nothing short of the time of my life.
I laughed, I was drinking, I partied, I ate like a king, in fact I wasn’t even supposed to be on that trip but I got invited last minute and I had a blast!
Then on Vacation, I fell in love.
The most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she was in our hotel.
When I first saw her she walked by me, she smiled, my jaw hit the ground, I was in awe.
We got talking, and we liked the same music, the same movies, everything.
We were inseparable, and we had the most wonderful of holiday romances.
I had been fortunate to have had several holiday flings in my life, but I convinced myself, this was different, it was the real thing, I was truly in love, she was “the one.”
She was from Hungary, me from the UK, therefore in hindsight this interaction was only ever to be on this vacation, and at that specific time.
Looking back on it as a much older man now, I realize just how naive and foolish I was to fall in love after several days together on holiday.
Then came the eventual day I was to leave, she had a few days left, so I hugged her and kissed her goodbye.
It was like something out of a movie, full of emotions, full of tears in both our eyes.
“I WILL see you again,” I said as I held her in my arms as she sobbed all over my shirt, begging me to not leave her.
And so the two 19 year old kids in “love,” and with that, our taxi arrived and I got in as she waved, and that was the last time I saw her physically in the flesh.
I cried the entire flight home.
When I arrived safely she had texted me telling me how she was devastated, but I kept my promise to see her.
This was also back in the day of Skype and MSN Messenger.
Yeah I’m old school.
So I had to log in on my crappy old PC to skype my “girlfriend” when I returned. It was hell. The connection was awful, the sound worse, and restricted to Skype or MSN.
Not to mention that both MSN and Skype used to crash every time which made it even more painful in the little precious interactions I had with her.
So whenever we got talking, and we were so emotional, so in love, so happy to see each other on a distorted crappy webcam.
But as time went on, the harsh realities set in.
However the problems remained she lived in Hungary, I wasn’t planning on living there. Vice Versa she wasn’t going to come to the UK.
We were both young, ready to go to University, and study etc, begin a brand new chapter in our lives.
Ultimately no matter what was said or done, I had to end it as there was no future.
Was one of the hardest things I had ever done, I was having family and friends in my ear “she’s too far away, don’t be a fool, there’s plenty of other women.”
I called her to say “this is not going to happen, we must end it….”
She sobbed, swore at me, and never spoke to me again. I tried reaching out, I even bought a ticket to her country, without any idea of where to find her.
I spent time sobbing, feeling harsh about it, thinking there must be a way to save this!
Sadly at the time, there wasn’t.
And so, I got on with my life, chalked it down to experience, and said “this is the last time I will ever get into any sort of long distance relationship.” (I had a habit of making promises!)
Granted, I haven’t been in one since, and whilst my experience may seem a little naive, and immature ultimately I know what it’s like to have a Long Distance Relationship.
I know that others may not understand why you choose to date and commit yourself to somebody who is so far away, and may never return.
Or worse, may never see you again.
You are just another fool in love, but there are exceptions.
Married couples and fiancés have partners who travel globally and go months without seeing each other.
You are probably thinking, how do they make it work?
Well I’ll tell you:
1. They have the same goals – There is no point in dating somebody who sees no future with you, long distance or short distance. You have got to be on the same page. If not, you need to have a serious talk and think about your future with them.
2. Organize your schedules well – Make sure you are committed to your video chats, and calls. With modern technology it has never been easier to get in touch with one another, so do so. It is also probably the right time you also got yourself a diary, because you are going to need one if you don’t have.
3. Stop relying on technology – Having a gift, or item of clothing or something sentimental to hold onto physically of that person you are dating is a nice touch to keep the interaction real. Looking at a screen for a considerable amount of time no matter how much you love that person cannot trump the sensation of touch, smell and scent.
4. Communicate everything – Tell your partner you had a crap day. Tell them you hate your boss. Tell them you are annoyed by the most trivial things. Communicate everything from the big and the small. They are your partner they need to and want to hear it all, especially if they love and care about you. Hold nothing back!
5. Don’t stress and over plan meet ups – K.I.S.S. stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. Don’t go over the top with over-planned expensive dates etc. Just meet up and enjoy being together. Go with the flow, chances are you don’t have long in each other’s company, so you best not waste any time!
6. Trust – I know this is tough, but if your partner has given you no reason not to, you must trust them. Ultimately if your goals are aligned and you want kids or to be married or live together, then you would trust that person. But also if your gut tells you otherwise, you must always trust that more. More people cheat in Long Distance Relationships than any other kind. Sorry, but the truth hurts, remember what you are getting yourself into.
7. Don’t put your life on hold – I had a friend turn down a job 5x his salary for a partner he was with because he would be apart from her for a year. They had no kids, no mortgage, they were just dating. He regrets it to this day, because guess what, she dumped him for somebody else. Don’t make that mistake, your life matters so bloody much. Do not put it on hold for anybody or anything!