In this video I discuss how to disarm a toxic person.
We’ve all been there, and its gut wrenching, because dealing with a toxic individual is tough, and can have a huge impact on our lives.
Allow me to illustrate some alarming statistics that toxic people can have on those in the work environment;
* 12% of victims of toxic people quit their job as a result
* 48% had a decreased effort at work
* 47% decreased their time at work
* 38% decreased their work quality
* 68% said their performance declined
* 80% said they lost time worrying about it
* 63% lost time avoiding the person
* 78% said their commitment to the work declined
Whether you like it or not toxic people really and truly do have a detrimental effect on our lives be it professionally, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and much more.
In fact the levels of unnecessary and avoidable stress that is caused can lead to god forbid some highly serious health condition.
Stress is a silent deadly killer.
Yet your regular involvement and interactions with such deadly individuals are causing such an impact that it really is hard to see where to turn!
Why would you want to cause yourself such misery?
I asked myself this question with the toxic people who were in my life at the time.
Believe me I’ve had them all; Narcissist exes, drug and smoking addicted friends, gamblers, and various other individuals who were not good for my tranquillity.
My goal is to create as much peace in my life as I can.
Guys, life is stressful!
Look at your bills, your kids, your job, your responsibilities, life is already tough and trust me it will always be.
Yet we indirectly choose to make it tougher by allowing toxic people into our circle, into our homes, into our jobs, and into our hearts.
Toxic people live rent free in the most important place you have to offer, in your mind.
I remember on my lunch breaks sitting in cafes constantly researching ways to handle these people, such as what to say or what to do, and honestly it wasn’t pleasant!.
Now I sit on my lunch breaks with a book in my hand, and I smile.
I am free of the drama, the stress, the negativity, the toxicity.
You can be too, by learning how to disarm these dreadful people.
Toxic people are locked and loaded with some of the deadliest forms of psychological manipulation known to mankind.
And what’s worse in very simple terms, is they don’t like to see you happy.
My narc ex went with me to the happiest place on earth; Disneyland.
She caused fights, drama, arguments, grief and was absolute hell.
That’s what these people do, they like dysfunction, they like drama, because it makes them feel human.
Yet however healthy people can walk in nature, in peace smiling knowing they are grateful for their lives, and all they have.
Toxic people struggle with peace, and if they see you have it, or happiness or any other positive emotion, they will do whatever it takes to take that away from you.
Here are several ways to disarm a toxic person;
1. Breathe – I learnt that taking time to meditate on my thoughts was the only true option and calming down. I naturally am an easy person to rile up and get angry. So toxic people saw me as a great toy to play with. But walking away to a quiet place and taking deep breathes will allow you to really steady your aggressive and triggered flow. You cannot think clearly if you are boiled up with emotions.
2. Explain your expectations – Think of yourself as a good parent, and them as a disobedient child. They have no idea they are doing wrong, but you need to unfortunately tell them, “When we go here I expect no arguing, and you to be respectful.” This is a must, because they never had that person to tell them how to act responsibly so it’s about time they did.
3. Set New Boundaries – Tell them if they are not to keep to them, there will be consequences. So if they are harassing you at work on more than 3 separate occasions, say “you are no longer allowed to bother me at work, as you are nothing but a distraction to me.”
4. Confront them! – Yes, call them out on their behavior. If they are disrespecting you after you warned them say “hey, what is going on? You promised not to do that? Yet you are still insulting me?” This is vital in your disarmament.
5. Observe how they act – If a toxic person promises to stop being rude to you for example watch the actions. Remember the rule of three. If it’s a one-time thing, let it go. If it occurs a second time, take note of it and if it happens a third then wash away any hope this person will change for you. They won’t, and it’s not worth your time.
6. Punish them – So they have decided to be rude and disrespectful to you punish them with the only way you can, not giving them your time, energy, or another second of your life. Tupac said it best about fake friends “Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I’m bigger than that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table.”
7. Walk away – Dr Jordan Peterson said it best “if someone does not have your best interests at heart, walk away. Make friends with people that want the best for you.” Trust me there is plenty of them out there, I am living proof you can do better. I’ve walked away and found the most wonderful people in my recovery.
Here are some useful phrases to use to also disarm a toxic person:
– “Ok thanks for your input”
– “I appreciate everything you’ve had to say, thanks.”
– “You are probably right, thanks.”
– “No problem that is how you feel, and that is ok.”
– “Let’s agree to disagree.”