How to Stop Being Insecure as a Man
Guys, neediness is NOT attractive, and I will show you exactly what to be doing instead, and what sort of mindset you should have towards dating and relationships.
It is not a misconception for most men to feel very insecure in modern dating.
With the rise of dating apps, and attractive women bombarded with male attention almost everywhere you look, it is definitely understandable why men may feel they are simply “not good enough,” to keep a woman.
But there are certain less common signs of insecurity that may lead to you ultimately getting rejected, or eventually dumped.
Let me make one thing clear:
Relationships are bloody tough, and are no picnic.
So choose your partner wisely.
Also people have very unrealistic expectations of their partners.
As much as I love Disney, they certainly has painted a very far-fetched perception on what love truly is, and how it’s not going to always be a song and dance every day!
You will fight.
You will disagree.
You will come across problems.
That is called life.
However, having said all this, there may be things that you are doing as a guy that is inadvertedly turning your partner off.
This is also assuming she is not a Narcissist or a sociopath, but essentially a good person who you care for deeply.
Narcissists and other toxic individuals WILL provoke you, and drive your insecurity up to do so!
I have an article about that all here.
But let’s assume she is great, or there is someone you like, yet you have a history of messing it up by “being too insecure.”
Here are some pretty obvious signs of male insecurities that usually turn a woman off massively:
1. Stop Avoiding Eye Contact
This is a pretty obvious one, I mean if you are not even confident enough to look a woman in the eyes, how on earth is she going to have any form of lasting attraction to you?
This needs to be addressed pretty pronto my friend, there is nothing sexier to a woman than a man who can gaze into her eyes and talk with his eye contact.
But don’t stare for too long, or just constantly look at her, there is an art to it.
Research it, and go from there!
2. Eliminate Jealousy
Jealousy/envy is quite a narcissistic trait.
And while that can be sexy to a degree when it comes to showing how much you care, being overbearing or controlling can be utterly intoxicating to a woman.
An attractive high value woman will always get attention, she will have a good circle of friends, and she will be going out regularly to bars without you.
My advice here is be high value too!
Have a busy life as well, don’t be jealous of what she has and what you don’t.
Because if you don’t, she will realize that instantly and she will lose interest very fast!
3. Stop Falling in Love Too Easily
This one is a double edged sword, because as a guy I understand where they are coming from.
A man of standards and taste has to go on a lot of dates with all sorts until he finds the partner of his dreams – or so he thinks.
And when he has met her, he is all in.
He buys her flowers, chocolates, and is often the first to tell her how much he loves her.
The problem with this is, you don’t really know the woman well enough to do so.
She may be perfect at the beginning, but it’s the honeymoon period, it’s all fresh new exciting and fun!
But that woman may be narcissistic, a liar, she may have a secret drug addiction or some serious baggage.
Love for a woman is a slow gradual process, but for men we are all in from the moment we say hello.
Take your time, no rush, go with the flow.
4. Stop Seeking Validation
Time is the best indication for all truth, especially with relationships.
I’ve been there, and I am sure you have too, the same old questions:
“Do you still like me?”
“Do you fancy me still?”
“Do you think I’m not good enough for you?”
Being desperate for a woman’s validation all the freaking time is a massive attraction killer.
In fact you can almost guarantee she will be no longer into you if you keep doing it for a certain amount of time.
Women blow hot and cold, for reasons no man will ever truly understand.
And whilst she may not be overly friendly with you on a specific day or time does NOT mean she has lost attraction to you.
Role with the punches, ride the wave, hopefully it is only temporary.
Doing the opposite and seeking validation constantly will only make things worse, trust me.
5. Do Not Let Your Mood Depend on Her
This is the classic sign of an empathetic person, whose entire being and life depends on how their partner is feeling.
If she is happy, he is happy.
If she is sad, he is sad too.
And why this is unattractive to a woman is because a woman likes a man who thinks and feels his own way.
Don’t get me wrong if god forbid there is a tragedy or loss then by all means show some sympathy!
But a woman loves a man who is her rock, her pillar, her shoulder to cry on.
Not someone who bases his entire life’s being or choices on her, especially at the early stages of a relationship.
6. Stop Stalking her Social Media
Social media has had a huge impact on modern dating, and it certainly plays a big part in how men can act even more insecure than normal.
Stalking her Instagram for example, and seeing where she is or what she is up to is not good, as she will inevitably catch onto this.
It is also not healthy too.
Social media sadly for old school men like me, is just a part of life, but instead of constantly looking at her photos you could be reading, learning a new skill, or working on a business.
Those are far more attractive than knowing what time she clocked into the gym, or what cocktail she is drinking after work.
7. Do Not Be Afraid to Have Space
As a former empath myself, I was utterly under the impression that “the more space you give somebody, the more you push them away.”
That couldn’t be further from the truth!
Space is sexy, that’s my new motto.
Think about it yourself, have you ever had that overbearing friend who would just pester you constantly when all you wanted to do was sit down after a long day and just chill?
Or perhaps you are trying to catch up on a series on Netflix.
Yes, that is how you come across when you are pestering a woman for attention.
Give the woman space, and at the same time fall in love with space yourself.
By doing so, she will find you so attractive, because 99% of other men are doing the opposite and constantly chasing after her.
Back away, and in that mean time it will only bring you closer together.
8. Be More Trusting
Now if the woman you are dating or seeing is a narcissist or sociopath, they will play manipulative mind games to make you question trusting them.
Newsflash – they are untrustworthy people, do not bother.
But if a normal high value woman has given you no reason to, then do not try to convince yourself otherwise.
Trust those who deserve to be trusted, and those are the people who give you no reason to.
They give you their word, and keep to their promises, and make sure to do the same.
9. Stop Overthinking
I’ve certainly been there, the person that reads too much into everything.
Every text, every message, every tiny little detail.
This embarrassing trait is not only unattractive to a woman, but it causes unnecessary stress and anxiety.
And the underlying factor clearly is you feel like you are “not good enough” for this particular woman.
By unconsciously thinking like this, you will act in a way where you are looking for an excuse or a reason as to why the relationship will inevitably fail.
All that time wasted on overthinking that you lack the qualities to attract this particular woman you could instead spend on getting fit, reading, and improving yourself.
Again a far more attractive thing to be doing with your time.
10. Don’t Be Oversensitive
Another major sign is when a woman criticises you or takes the piss out of you in a banter sort of way, and you sulk and get into a mood.
Playful banter is something I never had with a Narcissistic ex-partners, and I would love to in the future, because I would like to assume I am quick witted.
So when the woman you are dating makes a little sly comment that is really not that harsh, let it go.
Having said that, use the rule of three, if they are constantly nagging over a particular flaw you may not know you have and you have tried to fix it, call them out on it in a healthy discussion.
The key to keeping attraction alive is to always keep improving yourself.
Becoming stale or stagnant is a romance killer for sure.