Leaving a Narcissist in any capacity, be it cutting ties with a family member, or divorcing a spouse is one of the hardest and most difficult challenges anyone can face.
And the reason why is it is like breaking free of an addiction.
I have first-hand experience in both, that is becoming clean of a dreadful addiction, and also leaving a Narcissistic relationship.
Break ups are tough in general, but there is something even more difficult in a Narcissistic one.
And that is because you have most likely been devalued, especially leading up to the break up.
It really does not matter who left who either, as the results are the same.
In the break up stage you are in a pure feeling of dread, shame, regret and utter humiliation.
You are also most likely suffering from quite a mild case of PTSD as you relive the drama and craziness you have had to endure with such an individual.
Narcissists are not normal, so therefore any type of interaction or relationship is usually not normal either.
So you can be sat there, scratching your head pondering the following questions:
How could I be so foolish?
What on earth was I thinking?
How and why do I still love them?
Why the hell do I miss them?
These are all normal questions one will go through, particularly in any form of break up or separation.
But let us review the question at hand:
What happens to the Narcissist when you move on?
Fast forward a considerable amount of time, and let’s say now you are either you are in a happy and hopefully healthier relationship, or perhaps you are just better alone.
Remember, moving on doesn’t just mean you have a brand new partner, it could certainly mean just you are living your best life without this toxic person.
My mantra to decide whether you are truly over a person goes like so:
If you are planning your life and future, and that person is no longer in your plans at all.
It is a wonderful mantra, because before especially with a Narcissistic spouse, you are constantly taking their thoughts into consideration.
A friend of mine was dating a very narcissistic spouse who controlled everything about him, including his career decisions.
Unfortunately for him, he had to turn down 6 figure job offers in his industry abroad many times just because his ex-spouse was controlling him.
No surprise their relationship ended horribly, and he truly regrets being held back and ultimately cheated on too.
Narcissists can hold people back because they are jealous, spiteful and insecure people.
Due to their own personality flaws, they cannot handle other people succeeding, or doing what they do not possess the strength or confidence to do themselves.
So bringing it back to the central topic at hand, moving on from them is something they truly cannot fathom.
And that even goes if they were the ones who broke up with you.
Let me get you into the very simplistic thought process of a Narcissist.
They will believe to themselves about you, “they are nothing without me, I am better than them.”
So if you decide to be happy, go no contact and ultimately move on financially it crushes their most precious commodity: their ego.
“How dare they move on?! Who do they think they are?”
Assuming you are no contact, and you have blocked this person, sadly if you have mutual friends the word will get out to the Narcissist how well you are doing, especially if you have social media.
Unless you are like Daniel Day Lewis and live life as a complete recluse, it is very hard to live a relatively private life.
So with their ego now crushed with the news you are actually doing BETTER without them, the Narcissist will do what they always do.
They will hoover you.
They will send texts, voicemails, or if blocked (hopefully) they will email you or send flying monkeys to do their dirty work.
You will most likely (assuming you bother to actually read or listen to them), suffer further abuse from them.
“I cannot believe you couldn’t or didn’t want to fight for our love. I am SO over you, I hate you, you lead me on. You made me feel that I was the one, and now you are with a new person. You are the worst person on earth!”
I decide to refrain from obscenities, just to give you an idea of what they will do.
Of course the flying monkeys will be in touch to talk along a similar line:
“Your ex is feeling so upset. They just want to talk, and see you. Please they are a wreck without you, I have never seen them like this, give them a chance?”
If you are a decent human being, you would remember just HOW MANY chances these Narcissists got in dating you or marrying you.
Narcissists are like spoiled kids, and I have said this many times in many posts.
They just want to get you to do what they want, and in this case they just want to get your attention.
But they will play the dirtiest tricks to do so.
They will fake love.
They will fake admiration.
They will fake wanting to end their lives.
It’s all an act, it’s all a joke.
You are being played by a world class actor, because do you honestly believe this individual will respect you more for going back?
Or even going back after meeting someone else who is hopefully a better and healthier match for you?
No, it will be worse.
You will be far more abused.
And if they left you or cheated on you before, you can absolutely guarantee they will do so again.
Once a cheat, always a cheat – that’s my philosophy.
What you must do is hopefully be completely no contact, and not even have them on social media.
Your life is better without this person, and will always continue to be.
We are all in search of happiness, but a better goal to have is tranquillity.
My friends and family are surprised that I just enjoy a quiet night in with a glass of wine, or a good book to have on a weekend completely alone.
Because believe it or not I am still recovering from the craziness, the drama, the stress and anxiety all caused by my Narcissistic ex-partner.
So sitting down and even listening to classical music in my dressing gown, is pure bliss.
Remain no contact, ignore the hoover and the flying monkeys, and remind yourself what this person did to you constantly.
Make a list and read it every time you have any doubts.
I guarantee your life will improve if you follow my instructions, and please stick to them!