In this video I discuss the safest possible way to unmask the narcissist in your life.
“Everyone’s true colours show eventually.”
Narcissists are the world’s biggest and greatest liars.
They have often been compared to actors, who wear a mask to try and manipulate their victim to make out they are sweet loving and innocent.
But when the mask slips, you see them for what they truly are.
And let me tell you – it is not pretty.
I was having coffee with a close friend of mine, and we were looking back reflecting at the past decade 2010-2020.
It felt almost insane just how quickly life was moving along, but also just how many things had changed.
For me before I started researching heavily into Narcissism, I just assumed all the former toxic friends, employers and relationships I had were just lessons and a part of life.
I thought that “sometimes you just get crappy people, and you trust them only to be greeted with abuse and mistreatment.”
Then towards the end of the past decade, I started reading more about Narcissism, and it had quite a huge impact on my social life.
Two of the most intimate and closest relationships I had in my life in the last year of me writing this post, were with two covert Narcissists – who I have gone no contact with since.
So when I realised it was time to do something I did so – which was walking away.
Before I did my research on the subject, I realized just how little I actually knew about how there were some malevolent people in the world.
Whilst a positive outlook on life and society is admirable, a more realistic one will help you survive more.
You cannot simply trust all who you meet.
Narcissists can lead people to stop wanting to date, work, or have any type of relationship ever again.
They can and will leave a bitter taste in your mouth, and often scar people physically and mentally through the abuse they give out.
That is why when you unmask a Narcissist, you must do so very carefully.
These individuals are fully aware of what they are doing, and it most likely points back to their childhood.
I have often compared Narcissists to spoiled kids.
They used to cry and scream or throw the ugliest tantrums and their parents or guardians just always caved in to giving them what they wanted.
This false validation leads to an uglier adulthood, where they believe everybody in the world owes them something, and that everyone should bow down to their every wish.
I know, it sucks but that’s truly how they feel.
A Narcissist will constantly feel unsatisfied and be unappreciative of everything they receive from others.
They use people to elevate their ego and own version of self-worth, and will destroy anyone or anything that gets in their way.
The easiest, and most effective way to unmask a Narcissist, particularly if you are unsure is to do exactly what I have done on many occasions:
Just Say No.
I know what you are thinking – it can’t be that simple?
Yes, it truly is.
AS a child, when the Narcissist wanted that shiny new toy, their parents never said no.
They always gave them what they wanted, and a toy became a car, a home, a new pair of jewellery.
The shiny new toy is just an example, but it essentially transpires into them getting whatever they want to make them “happy.”
I’ll give an example;
I was dating a woman once, and I picked her up on a date to take her out for a meal as it was my treat.
She was attractive, we had a great connection – Narcissists are experts at this.
And with that, I was driving her in my car on our way to the restaurant.
As I drove along with her she asked me what the area was where we were going to eat.
I told her, and all of a sudden she screamed at the top of her voice:
“I AM NOT GOING TO THAT AREA! IT’S NOT SAFE! CANCEL IT NOW!”
I said no, and I was greeted with more rage;
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?! IT’S A BAD AREA, I HEARD THERE IS CRIME THERE! DO WHAT I SAY NOW!”
Sadly, this was our second date only – and the area for the record was St John’s Wood (google it).
I refused to comply, to which I was greeted with more Narcissistic rage.
Because I was driving I didn’t know how to get out of the situation safely, but sticking to my guns I pulled over at a safe place and asked her to leave my car.
Again I was greeted with further Narcissistic rage:
“YOU ARE BLOWING THIS OUT OF PROPORTION! I’M HUNGRY! JUST TAKE ME OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE!”
The commotion and scene she caused was alerting the attention of people in the high street, to which I calmly said to her, “if you do not leave this car now, I will contact the police.”
With that, this Narcissist woman stormed out of my car and left the door open screaming and shouting down the street how much of a bastard I was etc.
In this circumstance it hit me out of the blue, I had no idea this woman was like that, and of course I never saw or spoke to her again.
But just by saying NO, and her NOT getting her way made the mask slip.
And as a result of it, exposed them for what she really was;
Adult spoiled kid who throw temper tantrums.
I suggest if you are looking to unmask a Narcissist safely, do so in a way where you know you can walk away.
Think back to the parent who has to deal with the spoiled kid shouting and screaming because they are not going to get a new toy.
It is ugly, it is embarrassing and totally unacceptable.
But for goodness sake stand up for yourself, because NOBODY deserves to be treated or abused in that way whatsoever.
Saying NO does not compute well with the Narcissist, because they are so used to everybody and anybody bowing down to their every wish.
It’s like a foreign language to them.
But that does not mean no matter how compassionate you are should you have to tolerate that behaviour.
Say no to their crazy demands, but be prepared to walk away or go no contact to diffuse the unacceptable behaviour you will likely be subject to.
If you fear your safety, call the authorities.