How to Treat Haters
In this post I explain how to treat haters, and I discuss an unsavoury personal experience with a narcissistic friend.
By knowing how to handle your haters, you will be better equiped for the big bad world out there!
There is nothing worse than discovering your best friend is fake.
Narcissistic personality disorder is on an alarming and rather dangerous rise worldwide.
There is nothing worse than discovering on your own accord that a person you love or is close to you happens to be a Narcissist.
Or that this said individual was using you, or was willing to discard you at the drop of the hat.
I had a best friend, for over 30 years, and I sadly realized they were Narcissistic, but I will gradually get onto that.
There are many different reasons as to why people become Narcissist’s because you must remember they are never born, they are created.
I often have compared Narcissist’s to spoiled kids.
These are the usually the traits of a spoiled child for example:
Always want their way
Jealous of others
Unless you’ve lived under a rock all your life, you have been out at a store and see one of these monsters scream and cry the place down just because of something trivial.
Aka they didn’t get the toy they wanted.
Whilst we cringe at the very sight of this behaviour, part of our rational brain reasons with the situation and us empaths probably hope or pray “that kid will surely grow out of it someday.”
You would hope they do, yet a dangerous amount of entitled children end up becoming Narcissist’s when they reach adolescence.
And yes, much to the surprise of most people, they still throw tantrums, and psychologists refer to them as “Narcissistic rage.”
Believe you me, you do NOT want to be anywhere one of those – NOT PRETTY.
I could go into so much more detail how they are created, but instead let’s focus on the title of this post aka narcissistic friends.
I have had the displeasure of having far too many Narcissistic friends throughout my lifetime.
And yet to my surprise, and way before I started properly researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder in more detail, I had actually dealt with these individuals in the healthiest and most effective manner.
I NO CONTACT WITH THEM ALL.
But first let me explain what a Narcissistic friend usually is.
Dr Jordan Peterson (a personal hero of mine), is a clinical psychologist with over 2 million subscribers on his YouTube.
He recently wrote a ground breaking self-help book titled “12 Rules for Life.”
It was such a good read that when I put it down I ended up applauding it – no seriously I placed it on my coffee table and physically clapped it was that good!
In Dr Peterson’s book he has many individual rules, and one of them is “make friends with people who want the best for you.”
I found that piece of advice to be particularly fascinating being that in the space of 3 months of reading Dr Peterson’s book, I had a 3 year romantic relationship, AND a 30 year friendship both end!
Why did they both end?
Because they were both Narcissist’s.
But this post is about friends, not spouses.
I recalled what Dr Peterson said about “friends who want the best for you,” and it really stuck with me.
The reason my friendship came to an abrupt halt was this individual who had been in my life for almost 3 decades, was never really a friend.
Narcissistic friends use you for their own selfish need for supply and attention.
When I looked back on things, it was always on his terms:
I had to see them when THEY wanted to see me.
I had to go where THEY wanted to go.
I had to do what THEY wanted to do.
He was so selfish and I was so blindsided by their thought of loving or liking me, I just assumed they cared about me in a healthy manner.
Narcissists only care about themselves guys, remember that.
But you are probably wondering, what pushed me over the edge?
This former best friend was somebody I spoke to every single day.
We would go out a couple of times a month too.
We shared some of our deepest and darkest secrets.
We were inseparable.
However, late 2019 we went out with mutual friends for drinks and dinner.
I had recently become single following my ex Narcissistic relationship, and it felt good to be out!
This friend however was single, and I noticed he was always very insecure (a huge red flag and indication of a serious Narcissist by the way).
To cut a long story short, I was having a good time, I let my hair down and was having a real laugh!
It felt so good to just be happy again!
But to my Narcissistic friend who for whatever reason didn’t feel the same, and was actually raging inside.
Narcissists do not like others being happy when they aren’t.
This may sound bizarre but remember what Dr Peterson said “make friends with people who want the best for you.”
Narcissist’s only want what is best for themselves, NOT YOU!
With that as the night ended, we both hopped into a cab and this “friend,” he immediately projected onto me.
He was drunk as a skunk and decided to call me the most abusive names:
“You are a loser.”
“You are overweight.”
“You have never amounted to anything.”
“You will never get a partner again the way you are.”
It was pure projection, because Narcissist’s like to project their insecurities onto others whenever they do not feel good about themselves.
I could tell that something wasn’t right, and you want to know what it was.
Apparently this Narcissistic guy had a setback at work, and decided to take it out on his best friend because he was drunk.
Let me make something clear to you guys;
Under no stretch of the imagination should anybody abuse you or attack you personally. There is no excuse and it should not be tolerated!
Feeling so emotional from all the horrible words and the ongoing onslaught (he attacked almost everything about me), I asked him “how long have you been feeling like this for?”
He went on to say “for quite some time.”
Hearing that, I said goodbye and walked out of the cab in the rain to make my own way home.
With tears in my eyes from the hurtful abuse thrown my way, I told this individual;
“I am sorry you do not feel like I am good enough for your company, or I am a loser, or I am this that…”
To which he replied “oh you agree? Do something about it.”
Since then, I have removed this persons contact information, and he did reach out to “apologize,” but it was utterly backhanded and pathetic.
He still agreed with what he said, but blamed it on “being drunk.”
Guys, friends who care and love you would never hurt you the way I was that night.
People who truly care about you and want what is best for you bring you up, NOT DOWN.
They are not arrogant or entitled enough to think they are better than you because of wealth, looks or superficial reasonings.
If you have a friend like this, cut them off.
I value my recovery from Narcissistic abuse and life’s troubles far better with healthy and sensible individuals who “want what is best for me.”
Please do the same, cut ties, go no contact!
You may not feel like it now but I swear to you that you will attract better people into your life.
And the stronger you become, the more you realize who really is toxic in your social circle.
I have forgiven this person in my mind, but he still hasn’t apologized for his disgraceful behaviour and might never will.
Yet however I will not be waiting until he does, neither should you.
Make friends with people who want the best for you.